There have been many occasions when people have come to me just to sound off about their relationship, or their job, or their position in life, and have expected a certain level of sympathy. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very caring, loving and giving guy, but complaining just doesn’t wash with me. I’m all about taking 100% responsibility. It’s what I teach and it’s what I endeavour to do every moment of every day.
Now, I must tell you that there is a big difference between “getting things off your chest” and complaining. Getting things off your chest is a useful and natural part of day to day life. When you’ve had a manic day and a million things to do and a certain level of pressure has built up inside you, then getting things off your chest or venting your frustrations can be a healthy way of laying your jumbled thoughts out in front of you so that you can gain a clearer perspective of a day that’s now gone. To get things off your chest means to say what’s on your mind with the intention of being able to forget it and move on.
“Man, what a day. You have no idea how busy I’ve been. The phone has not stopped ringing, I’ve had a mountain of work, I barely had time to grab a bite to eat and my feet are killing me.”
Deep breath… and relax. It’s over. You had a need to outwardly express your internal experience and now you’ve don’t it. Now, what’s for dinner?
Another example of getting things off your chest is when someone says or does something that doesn’t sit quite right with you. Perhaps they were talking about you in your absence and you think they may have misrepresented you in some way. You might find an opportunity to take that person to one side and get to the bottom of it.
“I don’t think this is a big issue but something has been on my mind lately about what you might have said to Mary when I wasn’t there”
I get things off my chest all the time. It can be a great enabler of effective communication, certainly better than keeping frustrations bottled up, that’s for sure.
Complaining is an entirely different kettle of fish. Complaining is refusing to let go a disgruntling thought and holding something or someone else accountable for it.
When you complain you are making a statement that things should be another way. Your way! You have an imagined version of a different, better reality that you are using to benchmark against what is really going. And the sad truth about complaining is it is nearly always enforced on the people who can do absolutely nothing about it.
“Let me tell you about my boss. He is such an idiot. He makes my life a misery. He has absolutely no idea how hard I word and all he can do is demanded more and more pointless reports. I’m trapped.”
Does this sound like a person who taking 100% responsibility of their life?
When you complain you effectively give away any power you have within you to change your situation, because it places the problem firmly outside of your own control. But if you were to take a step back a take a good honest look at the situation you will begin to see a much clearer, more palatable reality.
It initially takes courage and openness to recognise that you always have choice but the prize is freedom.
Rather than looking for reasons of why you have to be angry, sad, pissed off, etc, experiment with turning the focus back on yourself. The intention is not beat yourself up, but to simply become curious about the part that you’ve played in generating your experience.
Look for the cause and effect factors that apply to what you have – or haven’t done – that have led you to where you are today. Have you been too permissive? Had you been putting off having a conversation you should have had ages ago? Have you been focusing on the wrong things to bring you happiness? Have you blamed someone else for not doing something you could have easily done yourself? Honestly?
You are the sum of every decision you’ve ever made, every thought you’ve ever had, every conversation, every action or inaction. That’s what defines you.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship, what could you DO right now to make things better? If your boss is an areshole (pardon my French) you have choices. Either address your issues with him/her, or accept that everyone is entitled to their unique style and learn to be ok with that, or get another job! There is always a choice. It may be not your preferred option but if that is what you have control over, then exercise that control. There is no “have to” in life.
Here is a powerful piece of advice that can radically alter the quality of your experience. Have a complaint free day. Just commit to spending an entire 24 hour period where you forget to complain about anything. See what happens. If your focus is not placed on what wrong or who is to blame then it is placed on finding solutions. And you’ll be amazed at how creative you can be when you assume that a solution exists.
If you enjoy your complaint free day, have another one, and another!! I hope you can see why this could be one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.
As always you have my very warm wishes. Have a wonderful day.
Visit me any time at http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Showing posts with label decision. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decision. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
FIND YOUR PASSION AND GET UP EARLY
I have noticed a strange thing about me lately; I am spending a lot less time in bed and a lot more time working, and I love it! If you’d have told me 3 or 4 years back that this would be the case I would have thought you were nuts, because I was hypnotised by the story I was telling myself about how I was too busy trying to make ends meet to be successful at the things I really wanted to accomplish in my life. The irony is that I was so exhausted from chasing my tail, getting nowhere fast, that I was spending hours longer in bed than I do today.
So what changed? I woke up to the reality that if I actually wanted to make my goals happen I was going to have to take action every single day, and that would involve creating the spare time that I had been convinced didn’t exist. I realised that the only time available to me was the time I was wasting comatosed in my pit, so I committed to getting up earlier to start taking those steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.
What I discovered is as soon as I got into the habit of getting up and taking action straight away the result of my efforts was a real sense that I was finally getting somewhere. This caused me to get even more passionate and it wasn’t long before I looked forward to getting up early just so I could continue working.
What a transformation! I had gone from someone who could barely open his eyes until lunch time to a guy who enthusiastically leaps out of bed at the crack of dawn to make life happen just the way he wants it to. It just so happens that first thing in the morning turns out to be when I’m at my most productive and creative, so I have learned to harness that energy for making the kind of decisions that drive my business forward. Having great ideas early in the morning means it is easy to map out the actions I need to take during the day. Each and every day I get to live a life that looks a little bit more like the one I originally envisioned and it all started by simply getting up earlier in the morning and connecting with the idea of a lifestyle I am passionate about.
I am a million percent confident that anyone – ANYONE – can live an inspired life that fulfils them in every way, and two vital ingredients are Time and Passion. What small steps could you take each day to lead you toward a life that you are passionate about? If your goal is that metaphorical journey of a thousand miles you’d better take that first single step pretty soon. Time won’t wait. Set your alarm an hour earlier and get cracking with whatever is helpful and productive for you: Do some research; work on your plan; meditate on your desired outcome; write a list of crazy ideas; keep a journal to track your progress; write a blog! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it is connected with your goals and ensures that forward momentum.
You have to make this a habit and that means pushing through any resistance for about three weeks. After this, getting up motivated will feel as natural as breathing. You’ll get good at deciding what actions really work for you, and eventually 80% of your success will come from 20% of your efforts. Now isn’t that life worth getting up early for?
"Make Life Happen just the way you want it to": www.life-happens.co.uk
So what changed? I woke up to the reality that if I actually wanted to make my goals happen I was going to have to take action every single day, and that would involve creating the spare time that I had been convinced didn’t exist. I realised that the only time available to me was the time I was wasting comatosed in my pit, so I committed to getting up earlier to start taking those steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.
What I discovered is as soon as I got into the habit of getting up and taking action straight away the result of my efforts was a real sense that I was finally getting somewhere. This caused me to get even more passionate and it wasn’t long before I looked forward to getting up early just so I could continue working.
What a transformation! I had gone from someone who could barely open his eyes until lunch time to a guy who enthusiastically leaps out of bed at the crack of dawn to make life happen just the way he wants it to. It just so happens that first thing in the morning turns out to be when I’m at my most productive and creative, so I have learned to harness that energy for making the kind of decisions that drive my business forward. Having great ideas early in the morning means it is easy to map out the actions I need to take during the day. Each and every day I get to live a life that looks a little bit more like the one I originally envisioned and it all started by simply getting up earlier in the morning and connecting with the idea of a lifestyle I am passionate about.
I am a million percent confident that anyone – ANYONE – can live an inspired life that fulfils them in every way, and two vital ingredients are Time and Passion. What small steps could you take each day to lead you toward a life that you are passionate about? If your goal is that metaphorical journey of a thousand miles you’d better take that first single step pretty soon. Time won’t wait. Set your alarm an hour earlier and get cracking with whatever is helpful and productive for you: Do some research; work on your plan; meditate on your desired outcome; write a list of crazy ideas; keep a journal to track your progress; write a blog! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it is connected with your goals and ensures that forward momentum.
You have to make this a habit and that means pushing through any resistance for about three weeks. After this, getting up motivated will feel as natural as breathing. You’ll get good at deciding what actions really work for you, and eventually 80% of your success will come from 20% of your efforts. Now isn’t that life worth getting up early for?
"Make Life Happen just the way you want it to": www.life-happens.co.uk
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Four Emotions That Can Lead To Life Change
by Jim Rohn
Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.
Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones. Each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.
1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying."
Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough."
The "guy" has finally had it with mediocrity. He's had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is not going to live like this anymore. Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will, the "I've had it" day, the "never again" day, the "enough is enough" day. Whatever you call it, it's powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!
2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two- prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.
Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this:
Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.
3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Almost anything can trigger desire. It's a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, "I want it now!"
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.
4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him.
The mountain climber says, "I will climb the mountain. They've told me it's too high, it's too far, it's too steep, it's too rocky, it's too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You'll soon see me waving from the top or you'll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I'm not coming back." Who can argue with such resolve?
When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."
The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.
Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, "That's it, you've had your chance"? You say that's crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, "My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!" No wonder everyone walks.
There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, "How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?" I suggest you answer, "As long as it takes." That's what these four emotions are all about.
Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.
Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones. Each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.
1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying."
Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough."
The "guy" has finally had it with mediocrity. He's had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is not going to live like this anymore. Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will, the "I've had it" day, the "never again" day, the "enough is enough" day. Whatever you call it, it's powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!
2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two- prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.
Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this:
Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.
3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Almost anything can trigger desire. It's a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, "I want it now!"
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.
4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him.
The mountain climber says, "I will climb the mountain. They've told me it's too high, it's too far, it's too steep, it's too rocky, it's too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You'll soon see me waving from the top or you'll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I'm not coming back." Who can argue with such resolve?
When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."
The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.
Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, "That's it, you've had your chance"? You say that's crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, "My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!" No wonder everyone walks.
There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, "How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?" I suggest you answer, "As long as it takes." That's what these four emotions are all about.
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