“Life is what you think it is, and gives you what you dare to dream it will.” - Anon
One of the aspects of the human condition that I find fascinating is the way that we overcome the challenges in our lives tends to be consistent with how easy or difficult we first imagine those challenges to be. We pre-empt the obstacles that are like to present difficulties, and run a mental rehearsal of our ability to deal with them. Of course, this is a very handy skill to have if you use that rehearsal time wisely, to solve any potential problems before they occur. But if it conjures up images of you getting stuck and frustrated then that is likely to act as precursor for you getting stuck and frustrated in reality.
Barry Kaufman (founder of the Option Institute) once said, “The eye sees what it brings to seeing”, and I think that sums things up perfectly. The moment we predict something is going to be hard, we engage in a search for all the evidence we can find to back-up our assumption. - “I believe life is a struggle, and just to prove it here I am struggling”
So here is a nice little exercise to get your brain accessing the parts of your wisdom that make triumphing over challenges seem effortless.
Exercise:
1, Think about a specific challenge you have that you feel is preventing you to achieving the kind of results you want. Make a statement out of it. Examples:
“It is going to be difficult to learn this new skill.”
“I’m no good at managing money.”
“People are not interested in what I have to say”.
2, Turn that statement around so that it has an opposite meaning. Play around with a few opposites until you find one that feels right and you want to work with. E.g. for some people it might be, “Learning this new skill is going to be a breeze.” For others it might be “Learning is a natural part of who I am”
3, Add this sentence starter onto the end of your statement:
“And I know that’s true because…”
4, Finish that sentence with as many ‘real’ pieces of evidence as you can think of. I’d suggest at least five, but encourage you to keep going and going.
“Learning this new skill is going to be a breeze, and I know that’s true because….
… skilfulness has more to do with practice than talent”
… I’ve seen other people doing it well, so I know it is very possible for me too”
… there is an abundance of people who will help me if I ask”
… I am willing to keep going with enthusiasm”
… there are many skills I can do easily now that I once found challenging”
Namaste
Paul
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Monday, August 10, 2009
Questions That Move You Forward
In this episode of Life Happens - LIVE Paul talks about the "empowering" and "disempowering" questions we ask ourselves, and the way they influence our experience in any situation.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Keep Your Best Self Alive!!
It has often been said that the only thing worse than not knowing how to make something better is to actually know what to do, but doing nothing. The area in which this is most prevalent is in the pursuit of your goals, vision and purpose.
So many people dream about the ways they would love to live their life; a personal mission they know could make a real difference to the world and the lives of others; a path that connects them to their innate sense of happiness and wellbeing. But all too often those lives remain unlived as the voice inside the head says, “Who are you to indulge in such a silly fantasy? People will think you’re crazy.”
And so reluctantly they shrink back into their little boxes so as not to rock the boats of other people sensibly getting on with living their normal and sane lives.
But surely in must be insane to deny that other little voice, the one of inner knowing, that is encouraging you to grab hold of your life and show it who’s boss. To sit back and rest comfortably (or uncomfortably) in the approval of those who will only ever settle for the status quo, is to deny the world of the greatest gifts you are capable of giving. Or as Barry Kaufman would put it, don't let yourself commit “socially acceptable suicide”.
So just for fun, ask yourself what you would want to make happen in your life if you knew you couldn’t be affected by what others might think? If you really did know that it is impossible to fail, what would you start doing differently today? Let yourself become immersed in a wonderful daydream about that bigger, more inspired life that’s waiting for you to show up.
And I leave you with the words of Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Namaste
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
So many people dream about the ways they would love to live their life; a personal mission they know could make a real difference to the world and the lives of others; a path that connects them to their innate sense of happiness and wellbeing. But all too often those lives remain unlived as the voice inside the head says, “Who are you to indulge in such a silly fantasy? People will think you’re crazy.”
And so reluctantly they shrink back into their little boxes so as not to rock the boats of other people sensibly getting on with living their normal and sane lives.
But surely in must be insane to deny that other little voice, the one of inner knowing, that is encouraging you to grab hold of your life and show it who’s boss. To sit back and rest comfortably (or uncomfortably) in the approval of those who will only ever settle for the status quo, is to deny the world of the greatest gifts you are capable of giving. Or as Barry Kaufman would put it, don't let yourself commit “socially acceptable suicide”.
So just for fun, ask yourself what you would want to make happen in your life if you knew you couldn’t be affected by what others might think? If you really did know that it is impossible to fail, what would you start doing differently today? Let yourself become immersed in a wonderful daydream about that bigger, more inspired life that’s waiting for you to show up.
And I leave you with the words of Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Namaste
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Getting Yourself Motivated
There is one type request that I get more than any other and that is to provide strategies for generating and maintaining motivation, some people call this ‘self-discipline’. It’s actually not that common for people to ask me for step-by-step instructions on what they need do to get a task completed. You see, most often people already know what they need to do to achieve a particular goal. They know which actions are likely to lead them towards the outcome of their desire.
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Magic of Not Wanting What You Want
As you would probably expect, working in the field of personal development I get to spend a lot of my time with people talking to them about goal setting and visualisation. I cannot over emphasise the power of positive intention when it comes to manifesting an amazing life, but there is a common trap that too many people fall into while “dreaming their way to success”.
One of the most significant developments in my realisation of what true success requires is the notion of being non-attached to the object or outcome of desire. There really does appear to be a reliable universal law that states good things will flow more readily towards you when you let go of your need of having them.
For many people, including me, it has taken a lot of time and contemplation to completely reconcile with the logic that the best way to get something you want is to not place too much importance on wanting it. We can see how this works out in the subtle examples that we’ve all experienced in our daily lives. An obvious one is when you find that little lost object only after you’ve given up looking for it.
How about when you’ve got yourself so worked up about an upcoming event that the only way of coping with that level of anxiety is to just throw fate to the wind and say “Sod it, whatever happens will happen, let’s just get it over with”, and in the resulting relaxation your experience of that event turns out to be far more positive than you could have imagined.
If you’re a golfer you’ve probably been told that you’ve got a better chance of landing the ball closer to the flag if you do not aim for the flag itself but rather the wider area around it.
Each of these examples demonstrate an important lesson in what your future success is waiting for you to do – let go for your need for it to happen.
When you attach yourself to an outcome and pin all of your hope on it, you might be all excited about achieving the goal, but you’re also buying into the belief that you can’t be truly happy unless that situation pans out the way you want it to. You are unconsciously telling yourself “Right now I’m not complete, but this thing will make me whole”. Without meaning to you have put yourself into a lack mentality and that can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
The problem is not in the goal itself but rather in the attachment to the goal; like your happiness depends on it. This attachment is the equivalent of ‘looking down’ when you are half way up the mountain. It causes you to fantasise about how terrible it will be to fail.
You may have watched the film “The Secret” or learned about the Law of Attraction, where you focus on your desire at the same time as ‘sending our’ your emotional intention to the Universe. Well wanting something too much works in harmony with the opposite law – The Law of Repulsion. Think of a magnet being flipped over so that it repels rather than attracts. Dreaming about your desired outcome is good, but doing it from the confines of a lack mentality will rarely get you closer to where you want to be.
So the big question is how do you let go of your need of things while still encouraging them into your life?
Quite simply, by recognising all of the reasons you can still choose to be happy without the goal having to be met. Everyone has innate happiness in their nature; it just gets a bit covered up with the thought that we are not supposed to feel it until we’ve actually done something to earn it.
The best question I have ever been asked came from the success coach, Michael Neill, and it is this:
What would you want to go after in your life if you knew you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?
It might take you a while to get your head around the meaning of that question but it will eventually lead you to that frame of mind where you can have compelling goals, but without an emotional dependence on them. It is a case of “Yeah, it’ll be great when this happens, but in the mean time I’m just going to be happy anyway”.
This Week’s Homework:
Take some time to completely relax and meditate on what you would like to have in your future life. Let your imagination run riot, as if you can order anything you like from the Universe’s menu.
Put yourself into the scene and experience it as if it is happening right now. What do you see? What can you hear? Totally immerse yourself into the fantasy so that it becomes more and more real for you, and intensify the good feelings.
Stay with it for as long as it feels really good to do so and then imagine pushing your thoughts off into the distance, as if you are instructing the Universe to deal with them for you.
Next spend a few moments contemplating everything you already love about your life. What are you deeply grateful for? What do you have in your life today that you want to continue having for the rest of your days? Really feel that. Smile at it. Then happily get on with the rest of your day.
To your success!
Warm wishes
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
One of the most significant developments in my realisation of what true success requires is the notion of being non-attached to the object or outcome of desire. There really does appear to be a reliable universal law that states good things will flow more readily towards you when you let go of your need of having them.
For many people, including me, it has taken a lot of time and contemplation to completely reconcile with the logic that the best way to get something you want is to not place too much importance on wanting it. We can see how this works out in the subtle examples that we’ve all experienced in our daily lives. An obvious one is when you find that little lost object only after you’ve given up looking for it.
How about when you’ve got yourself so worked up about an upcoming event that the only way of coping with that level of anxiety is to just throw fate to the wind and say “Sod it, whatever happens will happen, let’s just get it over with”, and in the resulting relaxation your experience of that event turns out to be far more positive than you could have imagined.
If you’re a golfer you’ve probably been told that you’ve got a better chance of landing the ball closer to the flag if you do not aim for the flag itself but rather the wider area around it.
Each of these examples demonstrate an important lesson in what your future success is waiting for you to do – let go for your need for it to happen.
When you attach yourself to an outcome and pin all of your hope on it, you might be all excited about achieving the goal, but you’re also buying into the belief that you can’t be truly happy unless that situation pans out the way you want it to. You are unconsciously telling yourself “Right now I’m not complete, but this thing will make me whole”. Without meaning to you have put yourself into a lack mentality and that can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
The problem is not in the goal itself but rather in the attachment to the goal; like your happiness depends on it. This attachment is the equivalent of ‘looking down’ when you are half way up the mountain. It causes you to fantasise about how terrible it will be to fail.
You may have watched the film “The Secret” or learned about the Law of Attraction, where you focus on your desire at the same time as ‘sending our’ your emotional intention to the Universe. Well wanting something too much works in harmony with the opposite law – The Law of Repulsion. Think of a magnet being flipped over so that it repels rather than attracts. Dreaming about your desired outcome is good, but doing it from the confines of a lack mentality will rarely get you closer to where you want to be.
So the big question is how do you let go of your need of things while still encouraging them into your life?
Quite simply, by recognising all of the reasons you can still choose to be happy without the goal having to be met. Everyone has innate happiness in their nature; it just gets a bit covered up with the thought that we are not supposed to feel it until we’ve actually done something to earn it.
The best question I have ever been asked came from the success coach, Michael Neill, and it is this:
What would you want to go after in your life if you knew you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?
It might take you a while to get your head around the meaning of that question but it will eventually lead you to that frame of mind where you can have compelling goals, but without an emotional dependence on them. It is a case of “Yeah, it’ll be great when this happens, but in the mean time I’m just going to be happy anyway”.
This Week’s Homework:
Take some time to completely relax and meditate on what you would like to have in your future life. Let your imagination run riot, as if you can order anything you like from the Universe’s menu.
Put yourself into the scene and experience it as if it is happening right now. What do you see? What can you hear? Totally immerse yourself into the fantasy so that it becomes more and more real for you, and intensify the good feelings.
Stay with it for as long as it feels really good to do so and then imagine pushing your thoughts off into the distance, as if you are instructing the Universe to deal with them for you.
Next spend a few moments contemplating everything you already love about your life. What are you deeply grateful for? What do you have in your life today that you want to continue having for the rest of your days? Really feel that. Smile at it. Then happily get on with the rest of your day.
To your success!
Warm wishes
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
SELF DISCIPLINE AND MOTIVATION
On one of the personal development forums I contribute to someone was asking for advice on how to be more self-disciplined. Unfortunately they did not mention what activity they would like to have more discipline towards, but I guess that doesn't really matter. Discipline is discipline regardless of the subject.
I want to share with you my reply to this person, because when you understand how your mind becomes naturally disciplined and motivated you can use that knowledge to follow through with the acheivement of any goal:
Self discipline is never a problem if your motivation to do something is set in the right direction, and there are right and wrong ways to think about motivation.
We are either motivated to avoid things, e.g. "I don't want to be in debt" or "I don't want to be overweight", or we are motivated towards better outcomes, e.g. "I want the freedom of being financially independent" or "I want to feel fit and energized through achieving my ideal body weight".
People are far more likely to achieve their goals when they are focused on how good their life is going to be as a result of making it happen. The important thing to note is that this focus should not be a passive process. You must imagine your desired outcome in full Technicolor and immerse your senses completely in it. See it through your own eyes – big, right and vivid. Notice the sounds and make them loud and crisp. Imagine being in the scene as if it is happening right now and tune into how great if feels to have been successful – imagine you have a volume dial for you emotions and crank it right up.
Self discipline and motivation to do things come easily when you give your unconscious mind compelling pictures to aim for. When you allow yourself to feel the good feelings in advance of the actual success, you find a natural urge to make your reality match your internal expectation.
The word discipline literally means “to teach”. So if you want to be more self disciplined you simply need to teach your mind what you are aiming for by fantasizing about achieving your goals – and remembering to make the experience as sensory rich as you can.
When you become excited about the outcome, the discipline to follow through happens all by itself.
I want to share with you my reply to this person, because when you understand how your mind becomes naturally disciplined and motivated you can use that knowledge to follow through with the acheivement of any goal:
Self discipline is never a problem if your motivation to do something is set in the right direction, and there are right and wrong ways to think about motivation.
We are either motivated to avoid things, e.g. "I don't want to be in debt" or "I don't want to be overweight", or we are motivated towards better outcomes, e.g. "I want the freedom of being financially independent" or "I want to feel fit and energized through achieving my ideal body weight".
People are far more likely to achieve their goals when they are focused on how good their life is going to be as a result of making it happen. The important thing to note is that this focus should not be a passive process. You must imagine your desired outcome in full Technicolor and immerse your senses completely in it. See it through your own eyes – big, right and vivid. Notice the sounds and make them loud and crisp. Imagine being in the scene as if it is happening right now and tune into how great if feels to have been successful – imagine you have a volume dial for you emotions and crank it right up.
Self discipline and motivation to do things come easily when you give your unconscious mind compelling pictures to aim for. When you allow yourself to feel the good feelings in advance of the actual success, you find a natural urge to make your reality match your internal expectation.
The word discipline literally means “to teach”. So if you want to be more self disciplined you simply need to teach your mind what you are aiming for by fantasizing about achieving your goals – and remembering to make the experience as sensory rich as you can.
When you become excited about the outcome, the discipline to follow through happens all by itself.
Monday, January 5, 2009
STOP TRYING - START DOING
Why is it that so many people find it hard to stick to their New Year resolutions?
One of the biggest factors that weaken a persons resolve to do something new, such as maintain an exercise plan or quit smoking is the language they use to describe how they intend to go about achieving it. The main culprit is the word "TRY".
You see when someone says "I'm going to TRY to get to the gym more often" or "I'm TRYING to stop smoking" they've already given themselves permission to fail. It presupposes that things might get in the way and prevent them from being successful. This makes it feel a lot more acceptable to fall at their first hurdle, because they were kind of expecting it anyway (even if it was unconsciously)
Simply deleting the word TRY from your vocabulary causes you to think about your goals in a different, more empowering way. It has a completely different effect on your neurogly. Notice the difference in how you feel as you read these two statements:
- I am trying to lose weight
- I am achieving my ideal body weight (presupposes continual success)
As Grand Master Yoda once said "There is no try, only do". How true. You are either losing weight or you are not. If you want to exercise, then exercise. You are either committed to stopping smoking or you are not. If you are only TRYING to quit then really you are just registering your interest in what it would be like to be a non-smoker, which would actually take real commitment. You cannot TRY to be committed, in the same way as you cannot be a little bit pregnant.
So, review your resolutions and decide if you only want to try to stick to them or if you'll decide to do whatever it takes to make them a success.
Happy New Year everyone!!
Monday, December 1, 2008
THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS : DAY THREE - GROWTH
How many people can honestly put their hand up and say they do not want to develop in any particular area? Becoming wiser and more skilled is a natural function of life. You can recognise your own desire for growth every time you take an interest in something. Your attention is grabbed in such a way that it primes your brain to make use of information that you’re likely to use again in the future. Once we have exhausted our perceived usefulness at one level we want to be promoted to the next. The biggest advantage you have today over yesterday is that you are one day wiser and one day more experienced.
Just as we grow physically it is also vital that we growth mentally and emotionally. Generally speaking, the older we get the more philosophical we can be about our experience of life, this is product of growth. The way in which we measure our growth is by assessing the internal feeling we get as to how satisfied we are about how far we’ve come in life.
QUESTION: What are you currently doing to influence your own sense of personal growth?
Growth can happen naturally in the course of day to day experience, but you life becomes a lot more fulfilled when you play a more active part in developing your own sense of satisfaction about it. Spend 30 minutes everyday nourishing your soul. Read personal development books, meditate, write down you big life goals and carefully plan their achievement. Why not start conversations with your family and friends by asking them what they value in live, what makes them happy, what lessons life has taught them so far, where they want to be heading?
If you’re not growing you’re dying, so do the things that will let you be the fullest most positive expression of your true self.
Just as we grow physically it is also vital that we growth mentally and emotionally. Generally speaking, the older we get the more philosophical we can be about our experience of life, this is product of growth. The way in which we measure our growth is by assessing the internal feeling we get as to how satisfied we are about how far we’ve come in life.
QUESTION: What are you currently doing to influence your own sense of personal growth?
Growth can happen naturally in the course of day to day experience, but you life becomes a lot more fulfilled when you play a more active part in developing your own sense of satisfaction about it. Spend 30 minutes everyday nourishing your soul. Read personal development books, meditate, write down you big life goals and carefully plan their achievement. Why not start conversations with your family and friends by asking them what they value in live, what makes them happy, what lessons life has taught them so far, where they want to be heading?
If you’re not growing you’re dying, so do the things that will let you be the fullest most positive expression of your true self.
Friday, November 21, 2008
THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS : DAY TWO - UNCERTAINTY
Yesterday I blogged about the first of the six human needs, certainty. So let''s continue by looking at the second.
Simply because the human condition has got a great sense of humour, after our need for certainty comes our need for uncertainty, or to put it another way, variety.
This is obvious when we look at how we spend our leisure time. Most people do not want to go on holiday to the same place over and over when there is a whole world to explore (of course there are exceptions). We enjoy comedy, because the unexpected makes us laugh and lighten up - It gives us new perspectives. We want to watch different types of shows on TV. We are adventure seekers and don’t always want to know what is around the next bend.
When we don’t get enough uncertainty or variety in our lives we can become complacent or frustrated. Sometimes we get confused by thinking that our lives lack meaning when actually we are just bored. This is such an easy thing to remedy – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
QUESTION: When was the last time you set some time aside to just have fun, or to learn something new? What have you wanted to do for a long time that you could start planning for today?
Develop your spontaneous side. Organise a trip to somewhere you’ve never been or have never thought of going. Enrol on an evening class. Just get involved in something. In the river of life you will often get caught up on a rock and stop going with the flow. When this happens you probably just need a gentle nudge to get you moving again. Finding something different to do can often be that nudge you are looking for. Keep a notebook near you at all times and use it to write down new things that you’d like to experience. These can be as simple as seeing a particular film at the cinema, or as big as planning a world tour. This way you’ve always got a starting point whenever you find yourself in a rut.
Simply because the human condition has got a great sense of humour, after our need for certainty comes our need for uncertainty, or to put it another way, variety.
This is obvious when we look at how we spend our leisure time. Most people do not want to go on holiday to the same place over and over when there is a whole world to explore (of course there are exceptions). We enjoy comedy, because the unexpected makes us laugh and lighten up - It gives us new perspectives. We want to watch different types of shows on TV. We are adventure seekers and don’t always want to know what is around the next bend.
When we don’t get enough uncertainty or variety in our lives we can become complacent or frustrated. Sometimes we get confused by thinking that our lives lack meaning when actually we are just bored. This is such an easy thing to remedy – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
QUESTION: When was the last time you set some time aside to just have fun, or to learn something new? What have you wanted to do for a long time that you could start planning for today?
Develop your spontaneous side. Organise a trip to somewhere you’ve never been or have never thought of going. Enrol on an evening class. Just get involved in something. In the river of life you will often get caught up on a rock and stop going with the flow. When this happens you probably just need a gentle nudge to get you moving again. Finding something different to do can often be that nudge you are looking for. Keep a notebook near you at all times and use it to write down new things that you’d like to experience. These can be as simple as seeing a particular film at the cinema, or as big as planning a world tour. This way you’ve always got a starting point whenever you find yourself in a rut.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” - Henry Ford
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A SHORT EXPLANATION OF NLP
Although Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed over three decades ago, it is only in recent years that the world is beginning to discover why it is one of the most powerful methods for creating positive and lasting change in individuals. NLP is unique in that it focuses exclusively on how the results we achieve in our lives are determined by the way we communicate with ourselves internally (also referred to as internal states).
NLP can be translated as:
Neuro = Your Nervous System (the mind & body working together)
Linguistic = Language & Communication (verbal & non-verbal)
Programming = The process used to achieve consistent results
Therefore NLP is the methodology of learning to communicate with your nervous system in a way that consistently produces the results you desire. In other words, it’s knowing how to run your own brain to get what you want in a way that’s right for you.
You see, in order to have any experience in life and know whether it’s good or bad you have to communicate with yourself, and it’s the specific way in which you do this that determines the quality of your experience. Often, the difference between someone who thinks they can do something and someone who thinks they can’t is the way they represent the situation to themselves in their minds.
When working with clients I use a range of NLP techniques to help them access their most resourceful states and identify a strategy for resolving their problems in an easy and positive way. This can often create a high level of self awareness that typically leads to improvements in other areas of their life too.
Try out this simple exercise and experience how NLP can be used to generate a positive state in you: How to feel great on purpose.
NLP can be translated as:
Neuro = Your Nervous System (the mind & body working together)
Linguistic = Language & Communication (verbal & non-verbal)
Programming = The process used to achieve consistent results
Therefore NLP is the methodology of learning to communicate with your nervous system in a way that consistently produces the results you desire. In other words, it’s knowing how to run your own brain to get what you want in a way that’s right for you.
You see, in order to have any experience in life and know whether it’s good or bad you have to communicate with yourself, and it’s the specific way in which you do this that determines the quality of your experience. Often, the difference between someone who thinks they can do something and someone who thinks they can’t is the way they represent the situation to themselves in their minds.
When working with clients I use a range of NLP techniques to help them access their most resourceful states and identify a strategy for resolving their problems in an easy and positive way. This can often create a high level of self awareness that typically leads to improvements in other areas of their life too.
Try out this simple exercise and experience how NLP can be used to generate a positive state in you: How to feel great on purpose.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
FIND YOUR PASSION AND GET UP EARLY
I have noticed a strange thing about me lately; I am spending a lot less time in bed and a lot more time working, and I love it! If you’d have told me 3 or 4 years back that this would be the case I would have thought you were nuts, because I was hypnotised by the story I was telling myself about how I was too busy trying to make ends meet to be successful at the things I really wanted to accomplish in my life. The irony is that I was so exhausted from chasing my tail, getting nowhere fast, that I was spending hours longer in bed than I do today.
So what changed? I woke up to the reality that if I actually wanted to make my goals happen I was going to have to take action every single day, and that would involve creating the spare time that I had been convinced didn’t exist. I realised that the only time available to me was the time I was wasting comatosed in my pit, so I committed to getting up earlier to start taking those steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.
What I discovered is as soon as I got into the habit of getting up and taking action straight away the result of my efforts was a real sense that I was finally getting somewhere. This caused me to get even more passionate and it wasn’t long before I looked forward to getting up early just so I could continue working.
What a transformation! I had gone from someone who could barely open his eyes until lunch time to a guy who enthusiastically leaps out of bed at the crack of dawn to make life happen just the way he wants it to. It just so happens that first thing in the morning turns out to be when I’m at my most productive and creative, so I have learned to harness that energy for making the kind of decisions that drive my business forward. Having great ideas early in the morning means it is easy to map out the actions I need to take during the day. Each and every day I get to live a life that looks a little bit more like the one I originally envisioned and it all started by simply getting up earlier in the morning and connecting with the idea of a lifestyle I am passionate about.
I am a million percent confident that anyone – ANYONE – can live an inspired life that fulfils them in every way, and two vital ingredients are Time and Passion. What small steps could you take each day to lead you toward a life that you are passionate about? If your goal is that metaphorical journey of a thousand miles you’d better take that first single step pretty soon. Time won’t wait. Set your alarm an hour earlier and get cracking with whatever is helpful and productive for you: Do some research; work on your plan; meditate on your desired outcome; write a list of crazy ideas; keep a journal to track your progress; write a blog! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it is connected with your goals and ensures that forward momentum.
You have to make this a habit and that means pushing through any resistance for about three weeks. After this, getting up motivated will feel as natural as breathing. You’ll get good at deciding what actions really work for you, and eventually 80% of your success will come from 20% of your efforts. Now isn’t that life worth getting up early for?
"Make Life Happen just the way you want it to": www.life-happens.co.uk
So what changed? I woke up to the reality that if I actually wanted to make my goals happen I was going to have to take action every single day, and that would involve creating the spare time that I had been convinced didn’t exist. I realised that the only time available to me was the time I was wasting comatosed in my pit, so I committed to getting up earlier to start taking those steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.
What I discovered is as soon as I got into the habit of getting up and taking action straight away the result of my efforts was a real sense that I was finally getting somewhere. This caused me to get even more passionate and it wasn’t long before I looked forward to getting up early just so I could continue working.
What a transformation! I had gone from someone who could barely open his eyes until lunch time to a guy who enthusiastically leaps out of bed at the crack of dawn to make life happen just the way he wants it to. It just so happens that first thing in the morning turns out to be when I’m at my most productive and creative, so I have learned to harness that energy for making the kind of decisions that drive my business forward. Having great ideas early in the morning means it is easy to map out the actions I need to take during the day. Each and every day I get to live a life that looks a little bit more like the one I originally envisioned and it all started by simply getting up earlier in the morning and connecting with the idea of a lifestyle I am passionate about.
I am a million percent confident that anyone – ANYONE – can live an inspired life that fulfils them in every way, and two vital ingredients are Time and Passion. What small steps could you take each day to lead you toward a life that you are passionate about? If your goal is that metaphorical journey of a thousand miles you’d better take that first single step pretty soon. Time won’t wait. Set your alarm an hour earlier and get cracking with whatever is helpful and productive for you: Do some research; work on your plan; meditate on your desired outcome; write a list of crazy ideas; keep a journal to track your progress; write a blog! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it is connected with your goals and ensures that forward momentum.
You have to make this a habit and that means pushing through any resistance for about three weeks. After this, getting up motivated will feel as natural as breathing. You’ll get good at deciding what actions really work for you, and eventually 80% of your success will come from 20% of your efforts. Now isn’t that life worth getting up early for?
"Make Life Happen just the way you want it to": www.life-happens.co.uk
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
SOPHISTICATION
This is a great gem from the great Jim Rohn. So many times I find myself thinking long and hard about how to wrap the complexities of human behaviour into easy to understand metaphors.... and then you get the likes of Jim Rohn who come along and so elegantly hit the nail right on the head!! I hope you enjoy this short peice from Jim about what sophisticated people know, that other's don't:
Most people are just trying to get through the day. Sophisticated people learn how to get from the day.
Sophistication is understanding the difference between trinkets and treasures.
Don't spend major money on minor things. In the last ten years the guy has bought two tons of donuts and only two books – and the books are primarily filled with pictures.
Sophisticated people don't leave early. The man says, "Yeah, but I want to beat the traffic." Isn't that a great skill to have - beating the traffic!
It doesn't take a million dollars to learn the difference between a bottle of fine wine and a Pepsi. Sophistication is a study not an amount.
One of the early signs of sophistication is not giving way to all inclinations but rather sending your emotions to school so they will learn how to behave.
Money doesn't make you sophisticated. Only study and practice make you sophisticated. Even people of modest means can become sophisticated because it is within study and practice. How much is a night out at the symphony? About thirty dollars. You say, "Poor people can't afford thirty dollars to go to the symphony." Yes, they can. It's only thirty Hershey bars!
We must teach our children not to spend their money a dollar at a time. If you spend your money a dollar at a time, you´ll wind up with trinkets instead of treasures. You can´t buy much of value a dollar at a time.
Most people are just trying to get through the day. Sophisticated people learn how to get from the day.
Sophistication is understanding the difference between trinkets and treasures.
Don't spend major money on minor things. In the last ten years the guy has bought two tons of donuts and only two books – and the books are primarily filled with pictures.
Sophisticated people don't leave early. The man says, "Yeah, but I want to beat the traffic." Isn't that a great skill to have - beating the traffic!
It doesn't take a million dollars to learn the difference between a bottle of fine wine and a Pepsi. Sophistication is a study not an amount.
One of the early signs of sophistication is not giving way to all inclinations but rather sending your emotions to school so they will learn how to behave.
Money doesn't make you sophisticated. Only study and practice make you sophisticated. Even people of modest means can become sophisticated because it is within study and practice. How much is a night out at the symphony? About thirty dollars. You say, "Poor people can't afford thirty dollars to go to the symphony." Yes, they can. It's only thirty Hershey bars!
We must teach our children not to spend their money a dollar at a time. If you spend your money a dollar at a time, you´ll wind up with trinkets instead of treasures. You can´t buy much of value a dollar at a time.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Four Emotions That Can Lead To Life Change
by Jim Rohn
Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.
Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones. Each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.
1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying."
Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough."
The "guy" has finally had it with mediocrity. He's had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is not going to live like this anymore. Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will, the "I've had it" day, the "never again" day, the "enough is enough" day. Whatever you call it, it's powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!
2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two- prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.
Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this:
Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.
3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Almost anything can trigger desire. It's a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, "I want it now!"
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.
4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him.
The mountain climber says, "I will climb the mountain. They've told me it's too high, it's too far, it's too steep, it's too rocky, it's too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You'll soon see me waving from the top or you'll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I'm not coming back." Who can argue with such resolve?
When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."
The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.
Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, "That's it, you've had your chance"? You say that's crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, "My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!" No wonder everyone walks.
There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, "How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?" I suggest you answer, "As long as it takes." That's what these four emotions are all about.
Emotions are the most powerful forces inside us. Under the power of emotions, human beings can perform the most heroic (as well as barbaric) acts. To a great degree, civilization itself can be defined as the intelligent channeling of human emotion. Emotions are fuel and the mind is the pilot, which together propel the ship of civilized progress.
Which emotions cause people to act? There are four basic ones. Each, or a combination of several, can trigger the most incredible activity. The day that you allow these emotions to fuel your desire is the day you'll turn your life around.
1) DISGUST
One does not usually equate the word "disgust" with positive action. And yet properly channeled, disgust can change a person's life. The person who feels disgusted has reached a point of no return. He or she is ready to throw down the gauntlet at life and say, "I've had it!" That's what I said after many humiliating experiences at age 25. I said, "I don't want to live like this anymore. I've had it with being broke. I've had it with being embarrassed, and I've had it with lying."
Yes, productive feelings of disgust come when a person says, "Enough is enough."
The "guy" has finally had it with mediocrity. He's had it with those awful sick feelings of fear, pain and humiliation. He then decides he is not going to live like this anymore. Look out! This could be the day that turns a life around. Call it what you will, the "I've had it" day, the "never again" day, the "enough is enough" day. Whatever you call it, it's powerful! There is nothing so life-changing as gut-wrenching disgust!
2) DECISION
Most of us need to be pushed to the wall to make decisions. And once we reach this point, we have to deal with the conflicting emotions that come with making them. We have reached a fork in the road. Now this fork can be a two- prong, three-prong, or even a four-prong fork. No wonder that decision-making can create knots in stomachs, keep us awake in the middle of the night, or make us break out in a cold sweat.
Making life-changing decisions can be likened to internal civil war. Conflicting armies of emotions, each with its own arsenal of reasons, battle each other for supremacy of our minds. And our resulting decisions, whether bold or timid, well thought out or impulsive, can either set the course of action or blind it. I don't have much advice to give you about decision-making except this:
Whatever you do, don't camp at the fork in the road. Decide. It's far better to make a wrong decision than to not make one at all. Each of us must confront our emotional turmoil and sort out our feelings.
3) DESIRE
How does one gain desire? I don't think I can answer this directly because there are many ways. But I do know two things about desire:
a. It comes from the inside not the outside.
b. It can be triggered by outside forces.
Almost anything can trigger desire. It's a matter of timing as much as preparation. It might be a song that tugs at the heart. It might be a memorable sermon. It might be a movie, a conversation with a friend, a confrontation with the enemy, or a bitter experience. Even a book or an article such as this one can trigger the inner mechanism that will make some people say, "I want it now!"
Therefore, while searching for your "hot button" of pure, raw desire, welcome into your life each positive experience. Don't erect a wall to protect you from experiencing life. The same wall that keeps out your disappointment also keeps out the sunlight of enriching experiences. So let life touch you. The next touch could be the one that turns your life around.
4) RESOLVE
Resolve says, "I will." These two words are among the most potent in the English language. I WILL. Benjamin Disraeli, the great British statesman, once said, "Nothing can resist a human will that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose." In other words, when someone resolves to "do or die," nothing can stop him.
The mountain climber says, "I will climb the mountain. They've told me it's too high, it's too far, it's too steep, it's too rocky, it's too difficult. But it's my mountain. I will climb it. You'll soon see me waving from the top or you'll never see me, because unless I reach the peak, I'm not coming back." Who can argue with such resolve?
When confronted with such iron-will determination, I can see Time, Fate and Circumstance calling a hasty conference and deciding, "We might as well let him have his dream. He's said he's going to get there or die trying."
The best definition for "resolve" I've ever heard came from a schoolgirl in Foster City, California. I was lecturing about success to a group of bright kids at a junior high school. I asked, "Who can tell me what "resolve" means?" Several hands went up, and I did get some pretty good definitions. But the last was the best. A shy girl from the back of the room got up and said with quiet intensity, "I think resolve means promising yourself you will never give up." That's it! That's the best definition I've ever heard: PROMISE YOURSELF YOU'LL NEVER GIVE UP.
Think about it! How long should a baby try to learn how to walk? How long would you give the average baby before you say, "That's it, you've had your chance"? You say that's crazy? Of course it is. Any mother would say, "My baby is going to keep trying until he learns how to walk!" No wonder everyone walks.
There is a vital lesson in this. Ask yourself, "How long am I going to work to make my dreams come true?" I suggest you answer, "As long as it takes." That's what these four emotions are all about.
Friday, January 11, 2008
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE INFLUENCES
“When you are about to embark on a journey, don’t consult those who have never left home” - Proverb
The people and things we surround ourselves with can make a huge difference to our general state of mind. I’m sure you’ve noticed that spending too much time with people who complain a lot can be a real drain on your positivity. On the other hand, I bet you also know someone who is consistently able to cheer you up just with their presence.
Your brain and nervous system are constantly responding to the input they are given. In order to understand or empathise with others, you have to go on an internal search to match their communication with an appropriate emotional response. If the people around you are full of doom and gloom the resulting images and sounds in your mind are likely to generate an impoverished emotional state in you too.
One possible way to counteract this effect is to be aware of how other people’s communication styles are affecting you emotionally and to deliberately override your own negative thoughts with more positive ones. Easier said than done? I would suggest that it is far easier to avoid the negative people in your life, or limit the time you need to spend with them. If it’s difficult to do this, at the very least you should plan to spend a lot more time with the people who are fun to be with and remind you how positive life can be with a different out look.
When you decide to climb your ladder of self improvement there will be those who see it as their job to pull you back down. They feel compelled to judge or even try to stop you bettering yourself, but only because they unconsciously recognise their own failings and would feel inadequate if you succeeded. Of course they would never admit this consciously!! Going out of your way to seek support and guidance from those who have already accomplished the things you want to achieve is the most powerful way of staying on track. Make sure you share your dreams with people who will understand and encourage you every step of the way.
The world can be a very hypnotic place, so being aware of the negative influences that suppress your true potential can give you insight into how to make your life a much more positive experience. How could you start each day with something that gets you into an inspired frame of mind? Maybe you could wake up to your favourite music, do some exercise, make time for a nice breakfast and spend a few minutes deciding what you will do today to move you closer towards your goals. This will surely put you in a more resourceful state than relying on the morning news to set the scene for the rest of your day. Remember, you always get more of what you focus on.
The people and things we surround ourselves with can make a huge difference to our general state of mind. I’m sure you’ve noticed that spending too much time with people who complain a lot can be a real drain on your positivity. On the other hand, I bet you also know someone who is consistently able to cheer you up just with their presence.
Your brain and nervous system are constantly responding to the input they are given. In order to understand or empathise with others, you have to go on an internal search to match their communication with an appropriate emotional response. If the people around you are full of doom and gloom the resulting images and sounds in your mind are likely to generate an impoverished emotional state in you too.
One possible way to counteract this effect is to be aware of how other people’s communication styles are affecting you emotionally and to deliberately override your own negative thoughts with more positive ones. Easier said than done? I would suggest that it is far easier to avoid the negative people in your life, or limit the time you need to spend with them. If it’s difficult to do this, at the very least you should plan to spend a lot more time with the people who are fun to be with and remind you how positive life can be with a different out look.
When you decide to climb your ladder of self improvement there will be those who see it as their job to pull you back down. They feel compelled to judge or even try to stop you bettering yourself, but only because they unconsciously recognise their own failings and would feel inadequate if you succeeded. Of course they would never admit this consciously!! Going out of your way to seek support and guidance from those who have already accomplished the things you want to achieve is the most powerful way of staying on track. Make sure you share your dreams with people who will understand and encourage you every step of the way.
The world can be a very hypnotic place, so being aware of the negative influences that suppress your true potential can give you insight into how to make your life a much more positive experience. How could you start each day with something that gets you into an inspired frame of mind? Maybe you could wake up to your favourite music, do some exercise, make time for a nice breakfast and spend a few minutes deciding what you will do today to move you closer towards your goals. This will surely put you in a more resourceful state than relying on the morning news to set the scene for the rest of your day. Remember, you always get more of what you focus on.
LIVE YOUR VALUES
Whenever I meet anyone who is unsatisfied with the state of their life, it usually only takes a short conversation to discover that they spend a lot of time doing things that conflict with their true personal values. An example of this is someone who is highly creative at heart, but whose job requires them to stick to the rules. Or a gentle caring type of person who is surrounded by hard nosed straight talkers. It’s quite easy in today’s society to fall into the rut of maintaining a lifestyle, while forgetting what it is that makes that lifestyle important to us in the first place.
We all have a set of values that defines our inner characters, and when we are prevented from doing the things that put us in touch with these values we can begin to feel frustrated or even empty. Numerous studies into what makes people happy have consistently shown that the most important ingredient for life satisfaction is having plenty of opportunity to express your true self.
I often talk with people who claim they do not know what their values are, so I explain that true values are just the personal qualities that you feel are important to have for yourself. Everyone’s values are different and one way to find out what yours are is to follow this simple exercise:
Imagine that its way off in the future and someone close to you is presenting you with a lifetime achievement award at a glamorous ceremony. How would you like for them introduce you to the audience? E.g. “Mary is such a loving person who has brought great happiness to those who know her. Her creative nature has always ensured that life’s obstacles were overcome with grace and dignity. She is an honest and loyal friend whose positive and humorous approach to life had been a great inspiration to others.” Thinking about how you would like others to view you is a good indication of the values you consider important. As you think about this, honestly assess how much of yourself you are currently putting into living these values now. What could you do right now to be that deserving person collecting the award?
Money can be a very handy bonus for most of us, but do not mistake financial status as a true personal value. I recently had very bizarre conversation with a man who said he works all hours god sends so that one day he will be rich enough to spend more time with his family!!! Why doesn’t he ditch the job and live that value now? If your life is not currently reflecting what’s important to you, how could you plan to change it so that you are free to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself?
We all have a set of values that defines our inner characters, and when we are prevented from doing the things that put us in touch with these values we can begin to feel frustrated or even empty. Numerous studies into what makes people happy have consistently shown that the most important ingredient for life satisfaction is having plenty of opportunity to express your true self.
I often talk with people who claim they do not know what their values are, so I explain that true values are just the personal qualities that you feel are important to have for yourself. Everyone’s values are different and one way to find out what yours are is to follow this simple exercise:
Imagine that its way off in the future and someone close to you is presenting you with a lifetime achievement award at a glamorous ceremony. How would you like for them introduce you to the audience? E.g. “Mary is such a loving person who has brought great happiness to those who know her. Her creative nature has always ensured that life’s obstacles were overcome with grace and dignity. She is an honest and loyal friend whose positive and humorous approach to life had been a great inspiration to others.” Thinking about how you would like others to view you is a good indication of the values you consider important. As you think about this, honestly assess how much of yourself you are currently putting into living these values now. What could you do right now to be that deserving person collecting the award?
Money can be a very handy bonus for most of us, but do not mistake financial status as a true personal value. I recently had very bizarre conversation with a man who said he works all hours god sends so that one day he will be rich enough to spend more time with his family!!! Why doesn’t he ditch the job and live that value now? If your life is not currently reflecting what’s important to you, how could you plan to change it so that you are free to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself?
DON’T LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” - Marianne Williamson
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
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