The Game of Joy

"Joy is a net of love in which you can catch souls.” - Mother Teresa

There are two things that have always astounded me about us Human Beings. The first is just how complex we can be with our thinking and behaviour. The second is that, despite all our complexities, what drives us at a fundamental level is remarkably simple: The desire to be happy.

Extensive research from the field of Positive Psychology has produced evidence for what many great thinkers have known for some time; that the happiest people are those who live in accordance with their highest values and have a sense of purpose and meaning in their life.

If we were to go a bit deeper and ask the question, “How do you know when you are living a meaningful life?” The answer for most people is likely to be a derivative of “When I get a feeling that I am contributing towards something worthy, good and right.”

However, if we were to continue our line of questioning with “…And what’s important about that? … And what’s important about that?”, there is a better than average chance that the final answer will be something along the lines of “Because it makes me happy.”

So, it could be argued that, when all is said and done (and however you choose to get there) the ultimate purpose of life is to experience authentic joy (I also like to refer to this as ‘love in action’).

It’s a romantic thought I know, but I often wonder, if everyone’s purpose is to experience deep joy, what would happen to the World if everyone on it were to successfully live their purpose? (Perhaps we should leave that to an ex-Beatle to right a song about!)

The interesting thing about joy, though, is that we don’t have to wait until we’ve won the Nobel Peace Prize before we experience it. We just need regular reminders to express ourselves in ways that connect us with that joyful place within us. That may be through engaging in fun and inspiring activities, making a positive difference to another person, or simply choosing to mentally and physically put yourself into a happy and joyful state (see my article “How Do You DO Happiness?”)

A lot of people think they cannot access their true joy because they have yet to discover their life’s purpose. The irony is that people do not find their life’s purpose until they have experienced their joy. It would appear that you need to have come alive before you can have a real effect on the World. It would make sense, then, that you’re far more likely to discover your path of purpose and meaning whilst you are busy having fun than when you are miserable and struggling to find answers.

So, I’ve created a game which I’m calling ‘The Game of Joy’. Woo Hoo!!

Objective:
To score maximum points by experiencing as much joy as you can within a 7 day period.

Rules:
1. Must be completed during a ‘normal week’ (going on holiday to a tropical paradise is cheating!)
2. You can introduce as many creative ways as you like to enhance your daily tasks so that they are more fun to perform. E.g. singing at the top of your voice while doing the washing up; completing that report over a cappuccino in a cafe rather than at your desk; getting someone to tell you a joke every 10 minutes; putting up photos of happy events and / or loved ones where you can always see them…)
3. You can also include as many extra events into the weekly schedule as you like. E.g. going on a date with your spouse, booking a spa treatment, going to a comedy club, taking up a new hobby, getting involved in a community project, etc.
4. Be completely honest with the scoring.

Scoring:
At the end of every morning, afternoon and evening rate the level of joy you have experience out of 10 (Maximum 30 points per day). At the end of the 7 days, tot up your total score:

181 – 210= Living the dream (please share your secret!!)

131 – 180 = Keep it up and enjoy the party

81 – 130 = Doing OK but you might want to question whether you’re on the right track. What would need to happen to put a bigger smile on your face?

Less than 80 = Probably best to take a holiday, evaluate what’s really important to you and plan for a change in direction.

BONUS TIP 1: When you’ve completed the game, play it again for another 7 days and beat your score ;o)

BONUS TIP 2: Review all of the activities that brought you the greatest amount of joy. Write down what it was about those times / events that made them special. What do they all have in common? There’s a good chance your answers will provide inspiration and clues for finding a worthy life purpose.

Take great care. Namaste.

Paul

The Ultimate Time Management Principle

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

We all have the same 24 hours in everyday, and the difference that makes the difference for each of us is how we choose to fill them. The most productive people I have ever met have not necessarily been harder working than everyone else; they just have a skill for appropriately focusing their efforts according to the time they have at their disposal.

The problem with most time management systems is that they are more concerned with generating maximum activity than they are about achieving actual objectives.

A classic example of this is the humble daily To Do list, where we jot down all the tasks that we believe need to be done that day and then re-arrange them so that they are presented in a logical sequence; the order in which we plan to tackle them. A popular approach is to get the quick and easy tasks done first so that we’ll be less distracted when it comes to doing the meaty challenging jobs at the bottom of the list.

Sometimes this works fine, but more often than not we get so caught up in the little tasks (and all the other distractions that inevitably turn up, and were not on the list in the first place) that we find ourselves under real pressure by the time we get to the bigger ones.

So, we might think that the obvious solution is to prioritise the big jobs first so that we can be confident that they will get done, and then rattle through the little ones with the time that is left.

Again, sometime this can work fine, but all too often little jobs left undone have a habit of turning into bigger problems further down the line. The fact is, no matter which way you slice it, prioritising volumes of activity against available time does not guarantee successful outcomes.

One of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” - the work of Dr Stephen Covey - is the habit of ‘Putting First Things First’. This means in order to know how you need to be spending your time you must first know the reason you are engaging in any activity in the first place.

An employee of any organisation is not paid simply to produce reports, move widgets or go to meetings. Every employee must be absolutely clear how their being there is helping that company achieve its overall mission and objectives.

The same can be said of people in general. It is usually true to say that the reason we go to work, build homes, raise families, support charities, join groups, is not just to fill the time until we leave this mortal coil. It is because we are driven by desires to make meaningful differences in the World (even if we’re not always consciously aware of what that means!). We don’t just go to work for going to work’s sake. We go to work because it contributes to the wider, more important story of our life.

If what you spend most of your time doing is not actually aligned to some bigger purpose or moving your towards your goal, then the obvious question has to be asked – why are you doing so much of it?

Dr. Covey introduces a fantastic prioritisation tool that I have found indispensable in just about every area of my own life. Rather than launching into a flurry of activity in the hope it can all get done within a limited timeframe, the first thing to consider is the urgency of a task versus its importance.

As a simplistic measure of how I gauge this is:

Urgent = Bad things happen if I don’t do it
Important = Good things happen if I do

Imagine a large square that has been equally divided into four smaller quadrants, each of them represents one of the combinations of urgency versus importance.

1, Urgent and Important - Otherwise known as crisis! It has to be addressed right now or there will be serious consequences. Being a frequent visitor to Quadrant 1 takes up A LOT of energy.

* Unpaid bills
* Angry customers (or spouses!!)
* Health problems
* Pressing deadlines
* Fire fighting

2, Not Urgent, but Important - These are tasks that contribute to your mission, roles and goals. They don’t necessarily have to be done now, but if they spend too long untouched in Quadrant 2 they can end up in Quadrant 1!!

* Learning new skills / knowledge
* Looking after your wellbeing
* Objective and goals setting
* Improving processes
* Nurturing Relationships

3, Urgent, but not Important – Lovingly referred to as ‘other people’s problems’!! Of course, we want to be able to help other people because the outcome of these activities is important to them, but when we spend too much time in Quadrant 3, the things are important to us, personally, get left out in the rain.

* Ringing Phone
* Interruptions
* Non-productive meetings
* Request from others

4, Not Urgent and Not Important – AKA ‘wasting time’. There is a time and a place to waste time. At the end of a hectic day it can be just what the doctor ordered to put your feet up, turn your head off and watch some mindless TV. But if this becomes more of a habit than a meaningful use of downtime, then your life direction begins to suffer.

* Trivia
* Gossip
* Excessive TV
* Time wasters
* Re-arranging your desk for the 20th time this morning!

Dr. Covey poses the question, what one activity are you convinced that, if you were to start doing superbly and consistently well on a regular basis, would bring you significant positive rewards in your life? (Perhaps it’s more dedicated quality time with loved ones, or going to the gym, or sitting down and planning for the future). Then decide which quadrant that activity sits in.

The answer is always Quadrant 2 – “Not Urgent, but Important”. It has to be important if it would give you such positive rewards, and it is obviously not urgent, otherwise you would already be doing more of it!

People who spend as much time as they can in Quadrant 2 find that there is hardly ever a need to visit Quadrant 1, because they work on important issues before they become problems. But the reason so few people actually spend enough time engaging in Quadrant 2 activities is because, unlike the other quadrants, there is no built-in mechanism to say when they actually need to be done.

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Homework

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Take some time and decide on at least three Quadrant 2 activities that would immediately enrich your life in ways that are meaningful to you. Then schedule appointments in your diary for each of those activities to take place over the coming week. Stick to those appointments as if it is crucial for you to show up and do them. If something or someone tries to elbow their way into that time slot, politely refuse and say you’re already booked up. And most importantly, enjoy yourself ;o)

Take great care. Namaste.

Keep Your Best Self Alive!!

It has often been said that the only thing worse than not knowing how to make something better is to actually know what to do, but doing nothing. The area in which this is most prevalent is in the pursuit of your goals, vision and purpose.

So many people dream about the ways they would love to live their life; a personal mission they know could make a real difference to the world and the lives of others; a path that connects them to their innate sense of happiness and wellbeing. But all too often those lives remain unlived as the voice inside the head says, “Who are you to indulge in such a silly fantasy? People will think you’re crazy.”

And so reluctantly they shrink back into their little boxes so as not to rock the boats of other people sensibly getting on with living their normal and sane lives.

But surely in must be insane to deny that other little voice, the one of inner knowing, that is encouraging you to grab hold of your life and show it who’s boss. To sit back and rest comfortably (or uncomfortably) in the approval of those who will only ever settle for the status quo, is to deny the world of the greatest gifts you are capable of giving. Or as Barry Kaufman would put it, don't let yourself commit “socially acceptable suicide”.

So just for fun, ask yourself what you would want to make happen in your life if you knew you couldn’t be affected by what others might think? If you really did know that it is impossible to fail, what would you start doing differently today? Let yourself become immersed in a wonderful daydream about that bigger, more inspired life that’s waiting for you to show up.

And I leave you with the words of Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Namaste

Paul

www.life-happens.co.uk

THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS : DAY TWO - UNCERTAINTY

Yesterday I blogged about the first of the six human needs, certainty. So let''s continue by looking at the second.

Simply because the human condition has got a great sense of humour, after our need for certainty comes our need for uncertainty, or to put it another way, variety.

This is obvious when we look at how we spend our leisure time. Most people do not want to go on holiday to the same place over and over when there is a whole world to explore (of course there are exceptions). We enjoy comedy, because the unexpected makes us laugh and lighten up - It gives us new perspectives. We want to watch different types of shows on TV. We are adventure seekers and don’t always want to know what is around the next bend.

When we don’t get enough uncertainty or variety in our lives we can become complacent or frustrated. Sometimes we get confused by thinking that our lives lack meaning when actually we are just bored. This is such an easy thing to remedy – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

QUESTION: When was the last time you set some time aside to just have fun, or to learn something new? What have you wanted to do for a long time that you could start planning for today?

Develop your spontaneous side. Organise a trip to somewhere you’ve never been or have never thought of going. Enrol on an evening class. Just get involved in something. In the river of life you will often get caught up on a rock and stop going with the flow. When this happens you probably just need a gentle nudge to get you moving again. Finding something different to do can often be that nudge you are looking for. Keep a notebook near you at all times and use it to write down new things that you’d like to experience. These can be as simple as seeing a particular film at the cinema, or as big as planning a world tour. This way you’ve always got a starting point whenever you find yourself in a rut.

MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT

Helping others to find there true life purpose is a major part of the work I love to do. I heard this quote from Robin Sharma - author of The Monk Who Sold His Farrari - and I think it perfectly illustrates what's important about finding your purpose in life:

"When you were born you cried while the world rejoyced. Live your life so that when you die the world cries while you rejoyce."

To me this means if you live your life in accordance with your deepest values and principles you will inevitably make a positive difference to others and leave a legacy that lives on long after you've gone.