“Life is what you think it is, and gives you what you dare to dream it will.” - Anon
One of the aspects of the human condition that I find fascinating is the way that we overcome the challenges in our lives tends to be consistent with how easy or difficult we first imagine those challenges to be. We pre-empt the obstacles that are like to present difficulties, and run a mental rehearsal of our ability to deal with them. Of course, this is a very handy skill to have if you use that rehearsal time wisely, to solve any potential problems before they occur. But if it conjures up images of you getting stuck and frustrated then that is likely to act as precursor for you getting stuck and frustrated in reality.
Barry Kaufman (founder of the Option Institute) once said, “The eye sees what it brings to seeing”, and I think that sums things up perfectly. The moment we predict something is going to be hard, we engage in a search for all the evidence we can find to back-up our assumption. - “I believe life is a struggle, and just to prove it here I am struggling”
So here is a nice little exercise to get your brain accessing the parts of your wisdom that make triumphing over challenges seem effortless.
Exercise:
1, Think about a specific challenge you have that you feel is preventing you to achieving the kind of results you want. Make a statement out of it. Examples:
“It is going to be difficult to learn this new skill.”
“I’m no good at managing money.”
“People are not interested in what I have to say”.
2, Turn that statement around so that it has an opposite meaning. Play around with a few opposites until you find one that feels right and you want to work with. E.g. for some people it might be, “Learning this new skill is going to be a breeze.” For others it might be “Learning is a natural part of who I am”
3, Add this sentence starter onto the end of your statement:
“And I know that’s true because…”
4, Finish that sentence with as many ‘real’ pieces of evidence as you can think of. I’d suggest at least five, but encourage you to keep going and going.
“Learning this new skill is going to be a breeze, and I know that’s true because….
… skilfulness has more to do with practice than talent”
… I’ve seen other people doing it well, so I know it is very possible for me too”
… there is an abundance of people who will help me if I ask”
… I am willing to keep going with enthusiasm”
… there are many skills I can do easily now that I once found challenging”
Namaste
Paul
Showing posts with label achievement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label achievement. Show all posts
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Radical Self-Honesty (and Unconscious Commitments)
"It is discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit." - Noel Coward
The inspiration for this tip came after I had the great fortune to find out about the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Together they run The Hendricks Institute, a hugely successful learning centre that teaches core skills for conscious living. Whilst much of the work they do is based around strengthening relationships, the area that I was particularly struck with is a process they have devised for identifying and transforming what they call “unconscious commitments”.
Have you ever been really frustrated with yourself for not following through on a task or activity that you know would have given you great rewards?
For example:
* Not filling out the job application even though you were really keen on moving forward in your career.
* Falling off the healthy eating plan even though you already felt uncomfortable with your level of wellbeing.
* Treating yourself to a little luxury item after you vowed to pay off maxed-out credit cards first.
* Saying you’d make more of an effort in your relationship and then spending more time in front of the TV.
Those scenarios may ring bells for you or they may not, but I’m willing to stick my neck out and say that everyone has a little thing or area of life where their own actions stop them from getting what they really want.
The key to reversing this kind of self sabotage is to take a good look at yourself and to be completely honest about what is really going on in that head of yours. Although we like to think that our desires are driven by what we consciously choose, there is a far more powerful force at play in the deepest recesses of your unconscious mind.
Take the guy who says he wants to move his business up to the next level. He may have all kinds of ideas and visions for where he’d like the business to go; he might even write down a few lofty goals and do some research on the kind of resources he might need. BUT, if his unconscious mind, for whatever reason, is not ready to play ball, he will inevitably seek out and find all the excuses as to why progress cannot be made right now: It’s not the right time; the market is not there; he’s too busy; he’s too tired; there’s no support; his wife wouldn’t like it… And the sad thing is that probably the only place where any of these excuses are actually true is in the story he’s making up in his head.
It may be a bitter pill to swallow but he will only be able to stop obstructing himself when he is willing to admit that he is holding onto an unconscious commitment to keep his business exactly where it is right now.
Initially it can be a very uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you may be unconsciously committed to avoiding the very thing you say you want. Some people start out by strenuously resisting this notion:
“That’s ridiculous, there is nothing more I’d love than to do than be the most successful person in my industry. It’s not my fault it happened to rain today. I definitely would have gone to that networking event had it been less of a downpour!”
The purpose of taking a radically honest stance is not to beat yourself up about not doing the best you can, but it’s to uncover the mental blocks that are getting in the way of your success.
My own experience of this is when some years ago I got the idea into my head that I wanted to build a career in personal development (of all things). I thought about all the possible ways that I could be of service make a positive difference in the lives of others through private consultation, workshops and seminars, creating products and generally being a pretty damn good coach. So I set about signing-up to as many training events as I could get onto (and afford). I read mountains for books on just about every area of personal growth and self development, and I even set up my very first website. I was on a roll. I was so excited at the prospect of being a sought after and respected expert in the field, and I felt so strongly that this was the right path for me to follow.
There was one small problem though. In my busyness to expand my knowledge and formulate a plan for magnificent success I wasn’t actually doing anything to get any work. But more than that, I was even turning down opportunities that were being handed to me on a plate. I’d get invites to deliver talks to local groups. Friends were always offering to pass my details onto other people they knew would definitely want to see me for coaching or therapy. But somehow I always found a way of avoiding putting my skills into practice. I’d find reasons why I was too busy, or my presentation wasn’t quite polished enough, or I’d think I might be coming down with something. I spent so much time perfecting the look and feel of my website that I forgot to fill it with the kind of content that people actually wanted to know about. I’d hide behind emails, rather than picking up the phone and talking with people directly.
This carried for a while until eventually it got to the stage that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. It was the elephant in the corner of the room. Even though I hadn’t heard about the Hendricks’ idea of “unconscious commitments” back then, I came to my own realisation that I was committed to being invisible and resisting my own success.
Is that because I was lying when I talked about all the things I wanted to achieve as coach? Of course not, but what it did mean is that I was probably a bit scared, and my unconscious mind was doing the only thing it knows how to do; to protect me from coming to any harm.
The really cute thing about the unconscious mind is that, despite its infinite wisdom, it really isn’t very good at distinguishing between a real threat to our physical being and an imagined threat to our imagined being, or self-image – otherwise known as the ego.
When you are about to embark on an exciting but uncertain journey the ego has no assurances that it will survive unscathed. “What if I fail? What will other people think? What if they disapprove? What if I can’t handle the pressure of success? You’d better back in your box right now!”
Your subconscious is an extremely powerful force in your life and drives the majority of your behaviour. But it craves familiarity! It likes your self image just the way it is and, left to its own devices, will organise your thoughts and actions to keep it that way. If you want to move past this you have to become aware of what’s really going on inside and consciously decide to override this well intentioned protection system with deliberate thoughts and actions that are congruent with your desired outcome.
Here is the really magical thing that I experienced. As soon as I admitted that I was just a bit nervous about launching myself onto the public stage, and that I was willing to work consciously towards being clearly visible my potential client base, it’s as if I was suddenly free of that old unconscious commitment to remain hidden from view.
Anyone can overcome their unconscious commitments and unblock the flow of success in their life, but it takes two things: Radical self-honesty that the only obstacle you are facing is yourself, and a genuine willingness to be consciously committed to turning the situation around.
Homework:
I encourage you to think about your own life and the areas where you may have unconscious commitments that stop you achieving the results you want. Here are some steps to overcome them (it’s important that you let go of any self-judgement as you do this).
1, Identify the non-desirable recurring issues in your life. What do you find yourself consistently complaining about, either verbally to others or silently to yourself? Have you been blaming something or someone for holding you back?
Example: You’ve been fed up for ages that you are working so hard in your job that it leaves you too little energy to go to the gym.
Now, as if you knew that this is just an excuse, finish off the following sentence with the real unconscious truth.
“I am committed to…”
Example:
* “I am committed to blaming everything else for my own lack of action”
* “I am committed to finding excuses not to exercise”
* “I am committed to convincing myself I am too tired when that’s not actually true”
* “I am committed to presenting myself as a victim”
2, Say the unconscious commitment out loud and notice the emotional effect it creates in you. If it feels uncomfortable there’s a good chance you’re on the money!
3, The next step is to repeat the statement out loud over and over, but each time vary the way that you say it. Say it slowly then really quickly. Use a high pitched voice and then a deep low voice. Say it in a sexy voice and then in the style of your favourite cartoon character.
Carry on doing this for a little while and then check back in with your feelings to see how the statement affects you now. This process is very good at ‘de-sensitising’ the unconscious commitment by removing its emotional charge. When you can say the statement without any negative sensations, move on.
4, This is a really important step. Identify the positive intention your unconscious had in giving you this commitment. Ask yourself “What are all the positive ways in which this unconscious commitment has served me?” And with whatever comes up, send your deep gratitude and love to your unconscious for everything it has been trying to do you for doing.
Example: By making me frustrated with my it was trying to get me to have a better work / life balance
5, Create a conscious commitment to override the unconscious one
* I am committed to taking the best care of myself* I am committed to making health and happiness the most important part of my life* I am committed to finding creative ways to exercise even when I’m busy* I am committed to being 100% responsible for myself
Repeat the new commitment out loud over and over until it feels natural and a part of you. Do things to remind yourself of it, like putting post-its around your desk, your home or in your car.
When you catch yourself revisiting that old unconscious commitment, which you inevitably will from time to time, just bring yourself gently back by affirming your new commitment until you feel it in your body.
Take great care. Namaste.
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
The inspiration for this tip came after I had the great fortune to find out about the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Together they run The Hendricks Institute, a hugely successful learning centre that teaches core skills for conscious living. Whilst much of the work they do is based around strengthening relationships, the area that I was particularly struck with is a process they have devised for identifying and transforming what they call “unconscious commitments”.
Have you ever been really frustrated with yourself for not following through on a task or activity that you know would have given you great rewards?
For example:
* Not filling out the job application even though you were really keen on moving forward in your career.
* Falling off the healthy eating plan even though you already felt uncomfortable with your level of wellbeing.
* Treating yourself to a little luxury item after you vowed to pay off maxed-out credit cards first.
* Saying you’d make more of an effort in your relationship and then spending more time in front of the TV.
Those scenarios may ring bells for you or they may not, but I’m willing to stick my neck out and say that everyone has a little thing or area of life where their own actions stop them from getting what they really want.
The key to reversing this kind of self sabotage is to take a good look at yourself and to be completely honest about what is really going on in that head of yours. Although we like to think that our desires are driven by what we consciously choose, there is a far more powerful force at play in the deepest recesses of your unconscious mind.
Take the guy who says he wants to move his business up to the next level. He may have all kinds of ideas and visions for where he’d like the business to go; he might even write down a few lofty goals and do some research on the kind of resources he might need. BUT, if his unconscious mind, for whatever reason, is not ready to play ball, he will inevitably seek out and find all the excuses as to why progress cannot be made right now: It’s not the right time; the market is not there; he’s too busy; he’s too tired; there’s no support; his wife wouldn’t like it… And the sad thing is that probably the only place where any of these excuses are actually true is in the story he’s making up in his head.
It may be a bitter pill to swallow but he will only be able to stop obstructing himself when he is willing to admit that he is holding onto an unconscious commitment to keep his business exactly where it is right now.
Initially it can be a very uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you may be unconsciously committed to avoiding the very thing you say you want. Some people start out by strenuously resisting this notion:
“That’s ridiculous, there is nothing more I’d love than to do than be the most successful person in my industry. It’s not my fault it happened to rain today. I definitely would have gone to that networking event had it been less of a downpour!”
The purpose of taking a radically honest stance is not to beat yourself up about not doing the best you can, but it’s to uncover the mental blocks that are getting in the way of your success.
My own experience of this is when some years ago I got the idea into my head that I wanted to build a career in personal development (of all things). I thought about all the possible ways that I could be of service make a positive difference in the lives of others through private consultation, workshops and seminars, creating products and generally being a pretty damn good coach. So I set about signing-up to as many training events as I could get onto (and afford). I read mountains for books on just about every area of personal growth and self development, and I even set up my very first website. I was on a roll. I was so excited at the prospect of being a sought after and respected expert in the field, and I felt so strongly that this was the right path for me to follow.
There was one small problem though. In my busyness to expand my knowledge and formulate a plan for magnificent success I wasn’t actually doing anything to get any work. But more than that, I was even turning down opportunities that were being handed to me on a plate. I’d get invites to deliver talks to local groups. Friends were always offering to pass my details onto other people they knew would definitely want to see me for coaching or therapy. But somehow I always found a way of avoiding putting my skills into practice. I’d find reasons why I was too busy, or my presentation wasn’t quite polished enough, or I’d think I might be coming down with something. I spent so much time perfecting the look and feel of my website that I forgot to fill it with the kind of content that people actually wanted to know about. I’d hide behind emails, rather than picking up the phone and talking with people directly.
This carried for a while until eventually it got to the stage that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. It was the elephant in the corner of the room. Even though I hadn’t heard about the Hendricks’ idea of “unconscious commitments” back then, I came to my own realisation that I was committed to being invisible and resisting my own success.
Is that because I was lying when I talked about all the things I wanted to achieve as coach? Of course not, but what it did mean is that I was probably a bit scared, and my unconscious mind was doing the only thing it knows how to do; to protect me from coming to any harm.
The really cute thing about the unconscious mind is that, despite its infinite wisdom, it really isn’t very good at distinguishing between a real threat to our physical being and an imagined threat to our imagined being, or self-image – otherwise known as the ego.
When you are about to embark on an exciting but uncertain journey the ego has no assurances that it will survive unscathed. “What if I fail? What will other people think? What if they disapprove? What if I can’t handle the pressure of success? You’d better back in your box right now!”
Your subconscious is an extremely powerful force in your life and drives the majority of your behaviour. But it craves familiarity! It likes your self image just the way it is and, left to its own devices, will organise your thoughts and actions to keep it that way. If you want to move past this you have to become aware of what’s really going on inside and consciously decide to override this well intentioned protection system with deliberate thoughts and actions that are congruent with your desired outcome.
Here is the really magical thing that I experienced. As soon as I admitted that I was just a bit nervous about launching myself onto the public stage, and that I was willing to work consciously towards being clearly visible my potential client base, it’s as if I was suddenly free of that old unconscious commitment to remain hidden from view.
Anyone can overcome their unconscious commitments and unblock the flow of success in their life, but it takes two things: Radical self-honesty that the only obstacle you are facing is yourself, and a genuine willingness to be consciously committed to turning the situation around.
Homework:
I encourage you to think about your own life and the areas where you may have unconscious commitments that stop you achieving the results you want. Here are some steps to overcome them (it’s important that you let go of any self-judgement as you do this).
1, Identify the non-desirable recurring issues in your life. What do you find yourself consistently complaining about, either verbally to others or silently to yourself? Have you been blaming something or someone for holding you back?
Example: You’ve been fed up for ages that you are working so hard in your job that it leaves you too little energy to go to the gym.
Now, as if you knew that this is just an excuse, finish off the following sentence with the real unconscious truth.
“I am committed to…”
Example:
* “I am committed to blaming everything else for my own lack of action”
* “I am committed to finding excuses not to exercise”
* “I am committed to convincing myself I am too tired when that’s not actually true”
* “I am committed to presenting myself as a victim”
2, Say the unconscious commitment out loud and notice the emotional effect it creates in you. If it feels uncomfortable there’s a good chance you’re on the money!
3, The next step is to repeat the statement out loud over and over, but each time vary the way that you say it. Say it slowly then really quickly. Use a high pitched voice and then a deep low voice. Say it in a sexy voice and then in the style of your favourite cartoon character.
Carry on doing this for a little while and then check back in with your feelings to see how the statement affects you now. This process is very good at ‘de-sensitising’ the unconscious commitment by removing its emotional charge. When you can say the statement without any negative sensations, move on.
4, This is a really important step. Identify the positive intention your unconscious had in giving you this commitment. Ask yourself “What are all the positive ways in which this unconscious commitment has served me?” And with whatever comes up, send your deep gratitude and love to your unconscious for everything it has been trying to do you for doing.
Example: By making me frustrated with my it was trying to get me to have a better work / life balance
5, Create a conscious commitment to override the unconscious one
* I am committed to taking the best care of myself* I am committed to making health and happiness the most important part of my life* I am committed to finding creative ways to exercise even when I’m busy* I am committed to being 100% responsible for myself
Repeat the new commitment out loud over and over until it feels natural and a part of you. Do things to remind yourself of it, like putting post-its around your desk, your home or in your car.
When you catch yourself revisiting that old unconscious commitment, which you inevitably will from time to time, just bring yourself gently back by affirming your new commitment until you feel it in your body.
Take great care. Namaste.
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Getting Yourself Motivated
There is one type request that I get more than any other and that is to provide strategies for generating and maintaining motivation, some people call this ‘self-discipline’. It’s actually not that common for people to ask me for step-by-step instructions on what they need do to get a task completed. You see, most often people already know what they need to do to achieve a particular goal. They know which actions are likely to lead them towards the outcome of their desire.
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
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