Showing posts with label visualisation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label visualisation. Show all posts
Friday, July 24, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Getting Yourself Motivated
There is one type request that I get more than any other and that is to provide strategies for generating and maintaining motivation, some people call this ‘self-discipline’. It’s actually not that common for people to ask me for step-by-step instructions on what they need do to get a task completed. You see, most often people already know what they need to do to achieve a particular goal. They know which actions are likely to lead them towards the outcome of their desire.
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Magic of Not Wanting What You Want
As you would probably expect, working in the field of personal development I get to spend a lot of my time with people talking to them about goal setting and visualisation. I cannot over emphasise the power of positive intention when it comes to manifesting an amazing life, but there is a common trap that too many people fall into while “dreaming their way to success”.
One of the most significant developments in my realisation of what true success requires is the notion of being non-attached to the object or outcome of desire. There really does appear to be a reliable universal law that states good things will flow more readily towards you when you let go of your need of having them.
For many people, including me, it has taken a lot of time and contemplation to completely reconcile with the logic that the best way to get something you want is to not place too much importance on wanting it. We can see how this works out in the subtle examples that we’ve all experienced in our daily lives. An obvious one is when you find that little lost object only after you’ve given up looking for it.
How about when you’ve got yourself so worked up about an upcoming event that the only way of coping with that level of anxiety is to just throw fate to the wind and say “Sod it, whatever happens will happen, let’s just get it over with”, and in the resulting relaxation your experience of that event turns out to be far more positive than you could have imagined.
If you’re a golfer you’ve probably been told that you’ve got a better chance of landing the ball closer to the flag if you do not aim for the flag itself but rather the wider area around it.
Each of these examples demonstrate an important lesson in what your future success is waiting for you to do – let go for your need for it to happen.
When you attach yourself to an outcome and pin all of your hope on it, you might be all excited about achieving the goal, but you’re also buying into the belief that you can’t be truly happy unless that situation pans out the way you want it to. You are unconsciously telling yourself “Right now I’m not complete, but this thing will make me whole”. Without meaning to you have put yourself into a lack mentality and that can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
The problem is not in the goal itself but rather in the attachment to the goal; like your happiness depends on it. This attachment is the equivalent of ‘looking down’ when you are half way up the mountain. It causes you to fantasise about how terrible it will be to fail.
You may have watched the film “The Secret” or learned about the Law of Attraction, where you focus on your desire at the same time as ‘sending our’ your emotional intention to the Universe. Well wanting something too much works in harmony with the opposite law – The Law of Repulsion. Think of a magnet being flipped over so that it repels rather than attracts. Dreaming about your desired outcome is good, but doing it from the confines of a lack mentality will rarely get you closer to where you want to be.
So the big question is how do you let go of your need of things while still encouraging them into your life?
Quite simply, by recognising all of the reasons you can still choose to be happy without the goal having to be met. Everyone has innate happiness in their nature; it just gets a bit covered up with the thought that we are not supposed to feel it until we’ve actually done something to earn it.
The best question I have ever been asked came from the success coach, Michael Neill, and it is this:
What would you want to go after in your life if you knew you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?
It might take you a while to get your head around the meaning of that question but it will eventually lead you to that frame of mind where you can have compelling goals, but without an emotional dependence on them. It is a case of “Yeah, it’ll be great when this happens, but in the mean time I’m just going to be happy anyway”.
This Week’s Homework:
Take some time to completely relax and meditate on what you would like to have in your future life. Let your imagination run riot, as if you can order anything you like from the Universe’s menu.
Put yourself into the scene and experience it as if it is happening right now. What do you see? What can you hear? Totally immerse yourself into the fantasy so that it becomes more and more real for you, and intensify the good feelings.
Stay with it for as long as it feels really good to do so and then imagine pushing your thoughts off into the distance, as if you are instructing the Universe to deal with them for you.
Next spend a few moments contemplating everything you already love about your life. What are you deeply grateful for? What do you have in your life today that you want to continue having for the rest of your days? Really feel that. Smile at it. Then happily get on with the rest of your day.
To your success!
Warm wishes
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
One of the most significant developments in my realisation of what true success requires is the notion of being non-attached to the object or outcome of desire. There really does appear to be a reliable universal law that states good things will flow more readily towards you when you let go of your need of having them.
For many people, including me, it has taken a lot of time and contemplation to completely reconcile with the logic that the best way to get something you want is to not place too much importance on wanting it. We can see how this works out in the subtle examples that we’ve all experienced in our daily lives. An obvious one is when you find that little lost object only after you’ve given up looking for it.
How about when you’ve got yourself so worked up about an upcoming event that the only way of coping with that level of anxiety is to just throw fate to the wind and say “Sod it, whatever happens will happen, let’s just get it over with”, and in the resulting relaxation your experience of that event turns out to be far more positive than you could have imagined.
If you’re a golfer you’ve probably been told that you’ve got a better chance of landing the ball closer to the flag if you do not aim for the flag itself but rather the wider area around it.
Each of these examples demonstrate an important lesson in what your future success is waiting for you to do – let go for your need for it to happen.
When you attach yourself to an outcome and pin all of your hope on it, you might be all excited about achieving the goal, but you’re also buying into the belief that you can’t be truly happy unless that situation pans out the way you want it to. You are unconsciously telling yourself “Right now I’m not complete, but this thing will make me whole”. Without meaning to you have put yourself into a lack mentality and that can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
The problem is not in the goal itself but rather in the attachment to the goal; like your happiness depends on it. This attachment is the equivalent of ‘looking down’ when you are half way up the mountain. It causes you to fantasise about how terrible it will be to fail.
You may have watched the film “The Secret” or learned about the Law of Attraction, where you focus on your desire at the same time as ‘sending our’ your emotional intention to the Universe. Well wanting something too much works in harmony with the opposite law – The Law of Repulsion. Think of a magnet being flipped over so that it repels rather than attracts. Dreaming about your desired outcome is good, but doing it from the confines of a lack mentality will rarely get you closer to where you want to be.
So the big question is how do you let go of your need of things while still encouraging them into your life?
Quite simply, by recognising all of the reasons you can still choose to be happy without the goal having to be met. Everyone has innate happiness in their nature; it just gets a bit covered up with the thought that we are not supposed to feel it until we’ve actually done something to earn it.
The best question I have ever been asked came from the success coach, Michael Neill, and it is this:
What would you want to go after in your life if you knew you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?
It might take you a while to get your head around the meaning of that question but it will eventually lead you to that frame of mind where you can have compelling goals, but without an emotional dependence on them. It is a case of “Yeah, it’ll be great when this happens, but in the mean time I’m just going to be happy anyway”.
This Week’s Homework:
Take some time to completely relax and meditate on what you would like to have in your future life. Let your imagination run riot, as if you can order anything you like from the Universe’s menu.
Put yourself into the scene and experience it as if it is happening right now. What do you see? What can you hear? Totally immerse yourself into the fantasy so that it becomes more and more real for you, and intensify the good feelings.
Stay with it for as long as it feels really good to do so and then imagine pushing your thoughts off into the distance, as if you are instructing the Universe to deal with them for you.
Next spend a few moments contemplating everything you already love about your life. What are you deeply grateful for? What do you have in your life today that you want to continue having for the rest of your days? Really feel that. Smile at it. Then happily get on with the rest of your day.
To your success!
Warm wishes
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Thursday, January 15, 2009
HOW TO NIP NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN THE BUD
Everyone has negative thoughts. If you’re human you can’t help it. Even the most positive and inspirational people you know have the similar kind of negative thoughts that you have from time to time. Believe it or not they also make harsh unconscious judgements about people, things and events too! They criticise and self deprecate – but that doesn’t stop them being generally positive and inspirational, does it?
The truth about what goes on in our heads is that we don’t always get to choose the types of thoughts that take place. But we DO get to choose which of those thoughts we pay attention to and do something with.
The majority of the dialogue, imagery, ideas and scenarios that plays out in your thinking is just the stream of background noise your unconscious mind makes as it does its job of making sense of the world around you. It is absolutely harmless. All the time you just leave it be and let it get on with what ever it wants to think about (in which ever way it wants to think about it) there can be no reason for you to get disturbed. It is only when you inject life into a thought and give it wings - when you consciously ‘pick-up’ on innocent background negativity and bring it to the fore by consciously making it louder and potent to your senses - that things start to get a bit messy.
Here’s the thing:
The truth about what goes on in our heads is that we don’t always get to choose the types of thoughts that take place. But we DO get to choose which of those thoughts we pay attention to and do something with.
The majority of the dialogue, imagery, ideas and scenarios that plays out in your thinking is just the stream of background noise your unconscious mind makes as it does its job of making sense of the world around you. It is absolutely harmless. All the time you just leave it be and let it get on with what ever it wants to think about (in which ever way it wants to think about it) there can be no reason for you to get disturbed. It is only when you inject life into a thought and give it wings - when you consciously ‘pick-up’ on innocent background negativity and bring it to the fore by consciously making it louder and potent to your senses - that things start to get a bit messy.
Here’s the thing:
The problem is not that you have the negative thought; the problem is that you take it seriously, like it actually means something.
One of the fundamental keys to having a more positive experience in any area of your life is to stop thinking your thoughts are telling you the truth, or even that they are telling you what you actually believe, for that matter!!!
This is my really simple model to NIP your consciously negative thoughts in the bud.
NIP stands for: Notice – Interrupt – Positive
This is how it works:
NOTICE - The first step is to catch yourself in the act of talking negatively with your internal voice. The very moment you realise you are ‘doing it again’ you can instantly move on to the next step.
INTERRUPT – This means doing or saying something deliberately different in your mind to break the flow of the negative thought. I’ve found one of the best ways to do this is to shout “STOP” in a forceful tone of voice (remember this is using your internal voice – you could get some rather strange looks otherwise!!). Another great way is to imagine you have a volume dial for your internal dialogue and hear the voice quieten all the way down to silence as you turn it.
POSTIVE – Once you’ve interrupted the negative voice you’ll notice there is a moment of silence. Use this space to generate choices for how you could view the thing you were thinking about in a positive way.
Example:
“I really don’t want to give that presentation tomorrow…. It’s taking up so much of my time and I’ve got other more important things to do…. And I’m rubbish at presentations anyway….. I’m going to make a real hash of it, I know it…. My boss’s boss is going to be there…. Everyone will think I don’t know what I’m talking about…………” (Notice)
“STOP!!!………..” (Interrupt)
“OK. Let me just imagine for a moment that the presentation goes perfectly…. Right, there I am standing confidently and talking clearly, making great eye contact. Just relax…. It feels a whole lot better when I visualise the positive and engaged looks on their faces… This could actually be quite a good opportunity for me to raise my profile…..” (Positive)
Try it out. Have fun playing around with that voice in your head, after all it IS yours and you can do what you want with it!!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” - Henry Ford
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
QUICK TIP FOR EXERCISE MOTIVATION
Every so often I like to contribute to some of the various online personal development forums that are out there. I find them to be a great source of inspiration - getting other people's views and tips for living positively - and it’s also a great way for me to offer my own help to people I would probably never get to meet in person. The following is a really quick visualization technique I posted on the Morning Coach Forum today (www.morningcoach.com) in response to a lady who was experiencing a lack of motivation for going to the gym.
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
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