“Life is what you think it is, and gives you what you dare to dream it will.” - Anon
One of the aspects of the human condition that I find fascinating is the way that we overcome the challenges in our lives tends to be consistent with how easy or difficult we first imagine those challenges to be. We pre-empt the obstacles that are like to present difficulties, and run a mental rehearsal of our ability to deal with them. Of course, this is a very handy skill to have if you use that rehearsal time wisely, to solve any potential problems before they occur. But if it conjures up images of you getting stuck and frustrated then that is likely to act as precursor for you getting stuck and frustrated in reality.
Barry Kaufman (founder of the Option Institute) once said, “The eye sees what it brings to seeing”, and I think that sums things up perfectly. The moment we predict something is going to be hard, we engage in a search for all the evidence we can find to back-up our assumption. - “I believe life is a struggle, and just to prove it here I am struggling”
So here is a nice little exercise to get your brain accessing the parts of your wisdom that make triumphing over challenges seem effortless.
Exercise:
1, Think about a specific challenge you have that you feel is preventing you to achieving the kind of results you want. Make a statement out of it. Examples:
“It is going to be difficult to learn this new skill.”
“I’m no good at managing money.”
“People are not interested in what I have to say”.
2, Turn that statement around so that it has an opposite meaning. Play around with a few opposites until you find one that feels right and you want to work with. E.g. for some people it might be, “Learning this new skill is going to be a breeze.” For others it might be “Learning is a natural part of who I am”
3, Add this sentence starter onto the end of your statement:
“And I know that’s true because…”
4, Finish that sentence with as many ‘real’ pieces of evidence as you can think of. I’d suggest at least five, but encourage you to keep going and going.
“Learning this new skill is going to be a breeze, and I know that’s true because….
… skilfulness has more to do with practice than talent”
… I’ve seen other people doing it well, so I know it is very possible for me too”
… there is an abundance of people who will help me if I ask”
… I am willing to keep going with enthusiasm”
… there are many skills I can do easily now that I once found challenging”
Namaste
Paul
Showing posts with label positive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positive. Show all posts
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Radical Self-Honesty (and Unconscious Commitments)
"It is discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit." - Noel Coward
The inspiration for this tip came after I had the great fortune to find out about the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Together they run The Hendricks Institute, a hugely successful learning centre that teaches core skills for conscious living. Whilst much of the work they do is based around strengthening relationships, the area that I was particularly struck with is a process they have devised for identifying and transforming what they call “unconscious commitments”.
Have you ever been really frustrated with yourself for not following through on a task or activity that you know would have given you great rewards?
For example:
* Not filling out the job application even though you were really keen on moving forward in your career.
* Falling off the healthy eating plan even though you already felt uncomfortable with your level of wellbeing.
* Treating yourself to a little luxury item after you vowed to pay off maxed-out credit cards first.
* Saying you’d make more of an effort in your relationship and then spending more time in front of the TV.
Those scenarios may ring bells for you or they may not, but I’m willing to stick my neck out and say that everyone has a little thing or area of life where their own actions stop them from getting what they really want.
The key to reversing this kind of self sabotage is to take a good look at yourself and to be completely honest about what is really going on in that head of yours. Although we like to think that our desires are driven by what we consciously choose, there is a far more powerful force at play in the deepest recesses of your unconscious mind.
Take the guy who says he wants to move his business up to the next level. He may have all kinds of ideas and visions for where he’d like the business to go; he might even write down a few lofty goals and do some research on the kind of resources he might need. BUT, if his unconscious mind, for whatever reason, is not ready to play ball, he will inevitably seek out and find all the excuses as to why progress cannot be made right now: It’s not the right time; the market is not there; he’s too busy; he’s too tired; there’s no support; his wife wouldn’t like it… And the sad thing is that probably the only place where any of these excuses are actually true is in the story he’s making up in his head.
It may be a bitter pill to swallow but he will only be able to stop obstructing himself when he is willing to admit that he is holding onto an unconscious commitment to keep his business exactly where it is right now.
Initially it can be a very uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you may be unconsciously committed to avoiding the very thing you say you want. Some people start out by strenuously resisting this notion:
“That’s ridiculous, there is nothing more I’d love than to do than be the most successful person in my industry. It’s not my fault it happened to rain today. I definitely would have gone to that networking event had it been less of a downpour!”
The purpose of taking a radically honest stance is not to beat yourself up about not doing the best you can, but it’s to uncover the mental blocks that are getting in the way of your success.
My own experience of this is when some years ago I got the idea into my head that I wanted to build a career in personal development (of all things). I thought about all the possible ways that I could be of service make a positive difference in the lives of others through private consultation, workshops and seminars, creating products and generally being a pretty damn good coach. So I set about signing-up to as many training events as I could get onto (and afford). I read mountains for books on just about every area of personal growth and self development, and I even set up my very first website. I was on a roll. I was so excited at the prospect of being a sought after and respected expert in the field, and I felt so strongly that this was the right path for me to follow.
There was one small problem though. In my busyness to expand my knowledge and formulate a plan for magnificent success I wasn’t actually doing anything to get any work. But more than that, I was even turning down opportunities that were being handed to me on a plate. I’d get invites to deliver talks to local groups. Friends were always offering to pass my details onto other people they knew would definitely want to see me for coaching or therapy. But somehow I always found a way of avoiding putting my skills into practice. I’d find reasons why I was too busy, or my presentation wasn’t quite polished enough, or I’d think I might be coming down with something. I spent so much time perfecting the look and feel of my website that I forgot to fill it with the kind of content that people actually wanted to know about. I’d hide behind emails, rather than picking up the phone and talking with people directly.
This carried for a while until eventually it got to the stage that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. It was the elephant in the corner of the room. Even though I hadn’t heard about the Hendricks’ idea of “unconscious commitments” back then, I came to my own realisation that I was committed to being invisible and resisting my own success.
Is that because I was lying when I talked about all the things I wanted to achieve as coach? Of course not, but what it did mean is that I was probably a bit scared, and my unconscious mind was doing the only thing it knows how to do; to protect me from coming to any harm.
The really cute thing about the unconscious mind is that, despite its infinite wisdom, it really isn’t very good at distinguishing between a real threat to our physical being and an imagined threat to our imagined being, or self-image – otherwise known as the ego.
When you are about to embark on an exciting but uncertain journey the ego has no assurances that it will survive unscathed. “What if I fail? What will other people think? What if they disapprove? What if I can’t handle the pressure of success? You’d better back in your box right now!”
Your subconscious is an extremely powerful force in your life and drives the majority of your behaviour. But it craves familiarity! It likes your self image just the way it is and, left to its own devices, will organise your thoughts and actions to keep it that way. If you want to move past this you have to become aware of what’s really going on inside and consciously decide to override this well intentioned protection system with deliberate thoughts and actions that are congruent with your desired outcome.
Here is the really magical thing that I experienced. As soon as I admitted that I was just a bit nervous about launching myself onto the public stage, and that I was willing to work consciously towards being clearly visible my potential client base, it’s as if I was suddenly free of that old unconscious commitment to remain hidden from view.
Anyone can overcome their unconscious commitments and unblock the flow of success in their life, but it takes two things: Radical self-honesty that the only obstacle you are facing is yourself, and a genuine willingness to be consciously committed to turning the situation around.
Homework:
I encourage you to think about your own life and the areas where you may have unconscious commitments that stop you achieving the results you want. Here are some steps to overcome them (it’s important that you let go of any self-judgement as you do this).
1, Identify the non-desirable recurring issues in your life. What do you find yourself consistently complaining about, either verbally to others or silently to yourself? Have you been blaming something or someone for holding you back?
Example: You’ve been fed up for ages that you are working so hard in your job that it leaves you too little energy to go to the gym.
Now, as if you knew that this is just an excuse, finish off the following sentence with the real unconscious truth.
“I am committed to…”
Example:
* “I am committed to blaming everything else for my own lack of action”
* “I am committed to finding excuses not to exercise”
* “I am committed to convincing myself I am too tired when that’s not actually true”
* “I am committed to presenting myself as a victim”
2, Say the unconscious commitment out loud and notice the emotional effect it creates in you. If it feels uncomfortable there’s a good chance you’re on the money!
3, The next step is to repeat the statement out loud over and over, but each time vary the way that you say it. Say it slowly then really quickly. Use a high pitched voice and then a deep low voice. Say it in a sexy voice and then in the style of your favourite cartoon character.
Carry on doing this for a little while and then check back in with your feelings to see how the statement affects you now. This process is very good at ‘de-sensitising’ the unconscious commitment by removing its emotional charge. When you can say the statement without any negative sensations, move on.
4, This is a really important step. Identify the positive intention your unconscious had in giving you this commitment. Ask yourself “What are all the positive ways in which this unconscious commitment has served me?” And with whatever comes up, send your deep gratitude and love to your unconscious for everything it has been trying to do you for doing.
Example: By making me frustrated with my it was trying to get me to have a better work / life balance
5, Create a conscious commitment to override the unconscious one
* I am committed to taking the best care of myself* I am committed to making health and happiness the most important part of my life* I am committed to finding creative ways to exercise even when I’m busy* I am committed to being 100% responsible for myself
Repeat the new commitment out loud over and over until it feels natural and a part of you. Do things to remind yourself of it, like putting post-its around your desk, your home or in your car.
When you catch yourself revisiting that old unconscious commitment, which you inevitably will from time to time, just bring yourself gently back by affirming your new commitment until you feel it in your body.
Take great care. Namaste.
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
The inspiration for this tip came after I had the great fortune to find out about the work of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. Together they run The Hendricks Institute, a hugely successful learning centre that teaches core skills for conscious living. Whilst much of the work they do is based around strengthening relationships, the area that I was particularly struck with is a process they have devised for identifying and transforming what they call “unconscious commitments”.
Have you ever been really frustrated with yourself for not following through on a task or activity that you know would have given you great rewards?
For example:
* Not filling out the job application even though you were really keen on moving forward in your career.
* Falling off the healthy eating plan even though you already felt uncomfortable with your level of wellbeing.
* Treating yourself to a little luxury item after you vowed to pay off maxed-out credit cards first.
* Saying you’d make more of an effort in your relationship and then spending more time in front of the TV.
Those scenarios may ring bells for you or they may not, but I’m willing to stick my neck out and say that everyone has a little thing or area of life where their own actions stop them from getting what they really want.
The key to reversing this kind of self sabotage is to take a good look at yourself and to be completely honest about what is really going on in that head of yours. Although we like to think that our desires are driven by what we consciously choose, there is a far more powerful force at play in the deepest recesses of your unconscious mind.
Take the guy who says he wants to move his business up to the next level. He may have all kinds of ideas and visions for where he’d like the business to go; he might even write down a few lofty goals and do some research on the kind of resources he might need. BUT, if his unconscious mind, for whatever reason, is not ready to play ball, he will inevitably seek out and find all the excuses as to why progress cannot be made right now: It’s not the right time; the market is not there; he’s too busy; he’s too tired; there’s no support; his wife wouldn’t like it… And the sad thing is that probably the only place where any of these excuses are actually true is in the story he’s making up in his head.
It may be a bitter pill to swallow but he will only be able to stop obstructing himself when he is willing to admit that he is holding onto an unconscious commitment to keep his business exactly where it is right now.
Initially it can be a very uncomfortable thing to acknowledge that you may be unconsciously committed to avoiding the very thing you say you want. Some people start out by strenuously resisting this notion:
“That’s ridiculous, there is nothing more I’d love than to do than be the most successful person in my industry. It’s not my fault it happened to rain today. I definitely would have gone to that networking event had it been less of a downpour!”
The purpose of taking a radically honest stance is not to beat yourself up about not doing the best you can, but it’s to uncover the mental blocks that are getting in the way of your success.
My own experience of this is when some years ago I got the idea into my head that I wanted to build a career in personal development (of all things). I thought about all the possible ways that I could be of service make a positive difference in the lives of others through private consultation, workshops and seminars, creating products and generally being a pretty damn good coach. So I set about signing-up to as many training events as I could get onto (and afford). I read mountains for books on just about every area of personal growth and self development, and I even set up my very first website. I was on a roll. I was so excited at the prospect of being a sought after and respected expert in the field, and I felt so strongly that this was the right path for me to follow.
There was one small problem though. In my busyness to expand my knowledge and formulate a plan for magnificent success I wasn’t actually doing anything to get any work. But more than that, I was even turning down opportunities that were being handed to me on a plate. I’d get invites to deliver talks to local groups. Friends were always offering to pass my details onto other people they knew would definitely want to see me for coaching or therapy. But somehow I always found a way of avoiding putting my skills into practice. I’d find reasons why I was too busy, or my presentation wasn’t quite polished enough, or I’d think I might be coming down with something. I spent so much time perfecting the look and feel of my website that I forgot to fill it with the kind of content that people actually wanted to know about. I’d hide behind emails, rather than picking up the phone and talking with people directly.
This carried for a while until eventually it got to the stage that I couldn’t ignore it any longer. It was the elephant in the corner of the room. Even though I hadn’t heard about the Hendricks’ idea of “unconscious commitments” back then, I came to my own realisation that I was committed to being invisible and resisting my own success.
Is that because I was lying when I talked about all the things I wanted to achieve as coach? Of course not, but what it did mean is that I was probably a bit scared, and my unconscious mind was doing the only thing it knows how to do; to protect me from coming to any harm.
The really cute thing about the unconscious mind is that, despite its infinite wisdom, it really isn’t very good at distinguishing between a real threat to our physical being and an imagined threat to our imagined being, or self-image – otherwise known as the ego.
When you are about to embark on an exciting but uncertain journey the ego has no assurances that it will survive unscathed. “What if I fail? What will other people think? What if they disapprove? What if I can’t handle the pressure of success? You’d better back in your box right now!”
Your subconscious is an extremely powerful force in your life and drives the majority of your behaviour. But it craves familiarity! It likes your self image just the way it is and, left to its own devices, will organise your thoughts and actions to keep it that way. If you want to move past this you have to become aware of what’s really going on inside and consciously decide to override this well intentioned protection system with deliberate thoughts and actions that are congruent with your desired outcome.
Here is the really magical thing that I experienced. As soon as I admitted that I was just a bit nervous about launching myself onto the public stage, and that I was willing to work consciously towards being clearly visible my potential client base, it’s as if I was suddenly free of that old unconscious commitment to remain hidden from view.
Anyone can overcome their unconscious commitments and unblock the flow of success in their life, but it takes two things: Radical self-honesty that the only obstacle you are facing is yourself, and a genuine willingness to be consciously committed to turning the situation around.
Homework:
I encourage you to think about your own life and the areas where you may have unconscious commitments that stop you achieving the results you want. Here are some steps to overcome them (it’s important that you let go of any self-judgement as you do this).
1, Identify the non-desirable recurring issues in your life. What do you find yourself consistently complaining about, either verbally to others or silently to yourself? Have you been blaming something or someone for holding you back?
Example: You’ve been fed up for ages that you are working so hard in your job that it leaves you too little energy to go to the gym.
Now, as if you knew that this is just an excuse, finish off the following sentence with the real unconscious truth.
“I am committed to…”
Example:
* “I am committed to blaming everything else for my own lack of action”
* “I am committed to finding excuses not to exercise”
* “I am committed to convincing myself I am too tired when that’s not actually true”
* “I am committed to presenting myself as a victim”
2, Say the unconscious commitment out loud and notice the emotional effect it creates in you. If it feels uncomfortable there’s a good chance you’re on the money!
3, The next step is to repeat the statement out loud over and over, but each time vary the way that you say it. Say it slowly then really quickly. Use a high pitched voice and then a deep low voice. Say it in a sexy voice and then in the style of your favourite cartoon character.
Carry on doing this for a little while and then check back in with your feelings to see how the statement affects you now. This process is very good at ‘de-sensitising’ the unconscious commitment by removing its emotional charge. When you can say the statement without any negative sensations, move on.
4, This is a really important step. Identify the positive intention your unconscious had in giving you this commitment. Ask yourself “What are all the positive ways in which this unconscious commitment has served me?” And with whatever comes up, send your deep gratitude and love to your unconscious for everything it has been trying to do you for doing.
Example: By making me frustrated with my it was trying to get me to have a better work / life balance
5, Create a conscious commitment to override the unconscious one
* I am committed to taking the best care of myself* I am committed to making health and happiness the most important part of my life* I am committed to finding creative ways to exercise even when I’m busy* I am committed to being 100% responsible for myself
Repeat the new commitment out loud over and over until it feels natural and a part of you. Do things to remind yourself of it, like putting post-its around your desk, your home or in your car.
When you catch yourself revisiting that old unconscious commitment, which you inevitably will from time to time, just bring yourself gently back by affirming your new commitment until you feel it in your body.
Take great care. Namaste.
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Saturday, February 14, 2009
The Magic of Not Wanting What You Want
As you would probably expect, working in the field of personal development I get to spend a lot of my time with people talking to them about goal setting and visualisation. I cannot over emphasise the power of positive intention when it comes to manifesting an amazing life, but there is a common trap that too many people fall into while “dreaming their way to success”.
One of the most significant developments in my realisation of what true success requires is the notion of being non-attached to the object or outcome of desire. There really does appear to be a reliable universal law that states good things will flow more readily towards you when you let go of your need of having them.
For many people, including me, it has taken a lot of time and contemplation to completely reconcile with the logic that the best way to get something you want is to not place too much importance on wanting it. We can see how this works out in the subtle examples that we’ve all experienced in our daily lives. An obvious one is when you find that little lost object only after you’ve given up looking for it.
How about when you’ve got yourself so worked up about an upcoming event that the only way of coping with that level of anxiety is to just throw fate to the wind and say “Sod it, whatever happens will happen, let’s just get it over with”, and in the resulting relaxation your experience of that event turns out to be far more positive than you could have imagined.
If you’re a golfer you’ve probably been told that you’ve got a better chance of landing the ball closer to the flag if you do not aim for the flag itself but rather the wider area around it.
Each of these examples demonstrate an important lesson in what your future success is waiting for you to do – let go for your need for it to happen.
When you attach yourself to an outcome and pin all of your hope on it, you might be all excited about achieving the goal, but you’re also buying into the belief that you can’t be truly happy unless that situation pans out the way you want it to. You are unconsciously telling yourself “Right now I’m not complete, but this thing will make me whole”. Without meaning to you have put yourself into a lack mentality and that can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
The problem is not in the goal itself but rather in the attachment to the goal; like your happiness depends on it. This attachment is the equivalent of ‘looking down’ when you are half way up the mountain. It causes you to fantasise about how terrible it will be to fail.
You may have watched the film “The Secret” or learned about the Law of Attraction, where you focus on your desire at the same time as ‘sending our’ your emotional intention to the Universe. Well wanting something too much works in harmony with the opposite law – The Law of Repulsion. Think of a magnet being flipped over so that it repels rather than attracts. Dreaming about your desired outcome is good, but doing it from the confines of a lack mentality will rarely get you closer to where you want to be.
So the big question is how do you let go of your need of things while still encouraging them into your life?
Quite simply, by recognising all of the reasons you can still choose to be happy without the goal having to be met. Everyone has innate happiness in their nature; it just gets a bit covered up with the thought that we are not supposed to feel it until we’ve actually done something to earn it.
The best question I have ever been asked came from the success coach, Michael Neill, and it is this:
What would you want to go after in your life if you knew you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?
It might take you a while to get your head around the meaning of that question but it will eventually lead you to that frame of mind where you can have compelling goals, but without an emotional dependence on them. It is a case of “Yeah, it’ll be great when this happens, but in the mean time I’m just going to be happy anyway”.
This Week’s Homework:
Take some time to completely relax and meditate on what you would like to have in your future life. Let your imagination run riot, as if you can order anything you like from the Universe’s menu.
Put yourself into the scene and experience it as if it is happening right now. What do you see? What can you hear? Totally immerse yourself into the fantasy so that it becomes more and more real for you, and intensify the good feelings.
Stay with it for as long as it feels really good to do so and then imagine pushing your thoughts off into the distance, as if you are instructing the Universe to deal with them for you.
Next spend a few moments contemplating everything you already love about your life. What are you deeply grateful for? What do you have in your life today that you want to continue having for the rest of your days? Really feel that. Smile at it. Then happily get on with the rest of your day.
To your success!
Warm wishes
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
One of the most significant developments in my realisation of what true success requires is the notion of being non-attached to the object or outcome of desire. There really does appear to be a reliable universal law that states good things will flow more readily towards you when you let go of your need of having them.
For many people, including me, it has taken a lot of time and contemplation to completely reconcile with the logic that the best way to get something you want is to not place too much importance on wanting it. We can see how this works out in the subtle examples that we’ve all experienced in our daily lives. An obvious one is when you find that little lost object only after you’ve given up looking for it.
How about when you’ve got yourself so worked up about an upcoming event that the only way of coping with that level of anxiety is to just throw fate to the wind and say “Sod it, whatever happens will happen, let’s just get it over with”, and in the resulting relaxation your experience of that event turns out to be far more positive than you could have imagined.
If you’re a golfer you’ve probably been told that you’ve got a better chance of landing the ball closer to the flag if you do not aim for the flag itself but rather the wider area around it.
Each of these examples demonstrate an important lesson in what your future success is waiting for you to do – let go for your need for it to happen.
When you attach yourself to an outcome and pin all of your hope on it, you might be all excited about achieving the goal, but you’re also buying into the belief that you can’t be truly happy unless that situation pans out the way you want it to. You are unconsciously telling yourself “Right now I’m not complete, but this thing will make me whole”. Without meaning to you have put yourself into a lack mentality and that can make life a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
The problem is not in the goal itself but rather in the attachment to the goal; like your happiness depends on it. This attachment is the equivalent of ‘looking down’ when you are half way up the mountain. It causes you to fantasise about how terrible it will be to fail.
You may have watched the film “The Secret” or learned about the Law of Attraction, where you focus on your desire at the same time as ‘sending our’ your emotional intention to the Universe. Well wanting something too much works in harmony with the opposite law – The Law of Repulsion. Think of a magnet being flipped over so that it repels rather than attracts. Dreaming about your desired outcome is good, but doing it from the confines of a lack mentality will rarely get you closer to where you want to be.
So the big question is how do you let go of your need of things while still encouraging them into your life?
Quite simply, by recognising all of the reasons you can still choose to be happy without the goal having to be met. Everyone has innate happiness in their nature; it just gets a bit covered up with the thought that we are not supposed to feel it until we’ve actually done something to earn it.
The best question I have ever been asked came from the success coach, Michael Neill, and it is this:
What would you want to go after in your life if you knew you didn’t have to be unhappy about not getting it?
It might take you a while to get your head around the meaning of that question but it will eventually lead you to that frame of mind where you can have compelling goals, but without an emotional dependence on them. It is a case of “Yeah, it’ll be great when this happens, but in the mean time I’m just going to be happy anyway”.
This Week’s Homework:
Take some time to completely relax and meditate on what you would like to have in your future life. Let your imagination run riot, as if you can order anything you like from the Universe’s menu.
Put yourself into the scene and experience it as if it is happening right now. What do you see? What can you hear? Totally immerse yourself into the fantasy so that it becomes more and more real for you, and intensify the good feelings.
Stay with it for as long as it feels really good to do so and then imagine pushing your thoughts off into the distance, as if you are instructing the Universe to deal with them for you.
Next spend a few moments contemplating everything you already love about your life. What are you deeply grateful for? What do you have in your life today that you want to continue having for the rest of your days? Really feel that. Smile at it. Then happily get on with the rest of your day.
To your success!
Warm wishes
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Friday, February 13, 2009
Just How Do You DO Happiness?
In one of my personal development workshops I get my students to close their eyes and imagine, in vivid detail, one of their happiest memories, and to fully re-living it in that moment. It is amazing to witness the instant transformation in their facial expressions and body language as their nervous systems kick back into happy mode. I then ask them what actually changed in the outside world while they were doing that. Of course the answer is nothing, but isn't it interesting how easily they were able to access deep feelings of joy without there having to be an outside cause?
When was the last time you felt really happy for no reason whatsoever?
The term 'The Human Race' is very apt because metaphorically speaking we seem to think of our happiness as being out there in front of us and that we must race to catch up with it. We use language like 'chasing our dreams', and 'the pursuit of happiness', which on the surface seems like very exciting things to be involved in, but it also presupposes that happiness is somewhere off in the distance and that we are lagging behind. We immerse ourselves in an "I'll be happy when..." mentality, in which we are convinced that happiness will arrive in the form of that next promotion, or the bigger house, the perfect relationship, or that lottery win.
We also tend to think of happiness as being an 'it' - a something that has a form - like one day there will be a knock at the door and the FedEx guy will say "Hi, who's gonna to sign for this box of happiness?"
But look at a child. Children are much smarter than adults when it comes to being happy. For them it is just a state of being. They don't place conditions on when they will and when they won't feel it. As long as they're not hungry, in pain, or being told off, they are happy. It's their default program. And it is meant to be your default program too. The thing is, at some stage in a child's development they start copying what the adults do. They buy into our cultural idea that, actually, you can't just have your happiness, you have to earn it. You have to prove that you are worthy of it. If you work hard enough at working hard then one day just might get lots of nice things that will 'make' you happy, but you have to deserve it.
Of course we all know what happiness feels like, and we do encounter many happy times throughout our lives - marriages, births, birthdays, holidays, parties... It can even take us by surprise sometimes, like when you are out in nature and suddenly you are filled with a strong and comforting sense of connectedness with the world around you. This kind of happiness is great, but it is a fair weather friend; it comes when the going is good and shoots off again when the party is over. But a lot of people settle for it because they're promised to a more permanent kind of happiness - they just have to wait for the future to arrive!
The real truth about happiness is that do not have to wait for it happen to you. You do not have to be in the right place at the right time. You do not have to keep gambling with life until it comes knocking at your door. You have all the resources you need already within you to turn it on at will. It's like a switch. If you are stood in a darkened room you have the choice to flick the switch and turn the light on, but in order to do that you must first know that the switch is there and that you have the ability to control it.
Your happiness switch is exactly the same. You must recognise that it there for you to use at any moment and that you can control it with the belief that it is only ever your thoughts and attitudes that light up your world.
Happiness brings with it the kind of creativity, openness and clarity that makes any task seem almost effortless. Work stops feeling like work as soon as you go about your business with a genuine inner smile. But why do most people find this so hard to do?
It's because somewhere along the line we learned that we cannot be truly happy unless there is a reason to be happy. We introduce criteria that must be met before we will allow ourselves to let happiness in and feel ok about having it. Some people have even learned to attach guilt to their happiness. "Why should I feel happy while others still suffer?"
There's a very quirky thing about us humans, and that is that we can become very suspicious of other people who do not appear to have a good enough reason for their blatant displays of happiness. Whenever someone asks how I am I will usually say something like "I'm great" or "fantastic", to which the next question is often "Why, what's up?" I'll say "Nothing, I just feel good", and then enjoy the confused look on their face as they let out a slow "Riiiiiiiiight!"
The thing that really throws a spanner in the works of the common belief about happiness is that actually you can have it whenever you want it, and you don't have to do a thing to earn it. Because 'it' isn't an 'it' at all, it's a function of the human condition that serves a very practical purpose. As Michael Neil would put it, to ask if you deserve happiness is like asking if you deserve a nose. "Well....eeerrrrr.... I have a nose, but I don't know what I've done to deserve it". It sounds silly, doesn't it?
The key to having your happiness now rather than later is to know that happiness is not something that happens to you, it is something that you do. You must let go of the idea that happiness is a reward for good behaviour or that you must be worthy of it. You must also accept that your happiness is not on that ship that you're waiting on to come in. It is the ocean in which the ship sails, so if you want it, dive in and learn how to swim. In other words, your life is your happiness and you just need to start responding more happily towards it.
Numerous scientific studies into whether success leads to happiness shows that there is no quantifiable evidence to suggest that it does. What has been highlighted though, is that people who already experience high levels of happiness are significantly more likely to become successful later. Interesting! Happiness leads to success, not the other way around. Who'd have thought?
What this tells us is that genuine authentic happiness is unconditional. It is not out there. It is in here, and always has been. Happiness is only ever the result of your attitude and your behaviour, and learning to nurture it unconditionally gives you much more than just a good feeling; it makes your whole life run a lot smoother. That's nature's plan.
The only reason you ever need to be happy is that it allows you to get things done in a really efficient way. The most successful people learn to master the simple notion of being happy in the moment, not just because it feels good, but because being happy puts them into their most resourceful and productive state. I consider happiness to be a vital tool in the work I do because I am committed to producing the best quality output I am capable of. I know I can only achieve that if I am in a happy mood. Whether I'm running a workshop, writing an article, recording some audio, or coaching someone one on one, I will always spend a few moments up front getting myself into a happy frame of mind, because that's how I need to be for my best work to come out. Things just seem to flow better, I'm more creative, I see the bigger picture, and here's the really interesting bit, I encounter fewer obstacles.
I have spent countless hours studying the different philosophies about what happiness is and, while the various teachings use different kinds of language and terminology, they all agree that happiness does not wait on time, it waits on welcome. You may as well just open the door and let it in because it's already here, just waiting for your invitation.
"But hang on a minute, Paul. Surely it's unrealistic to be happy all the time. What about when you really do have problems. Sometimes, things just piss you off. That's life!"
Absolutely, life happens, and it doesn't always happen the way we want it to. It is the most natural thing in the world to feel unhappy, angry or sad in certain circumstances, and it is right and proper that we do feel that sometimes. But the problem comes when we habituate into these negative feelings; when being pissed off or grumpy becomes your standard response to most things.
There is nothing that you can achieve in an agitated frame of mind that you cannot do better with happiness.
There are two things you can choose to do to enjoy feeling more happiness more often.
1. WORK ON YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Just like happiness, all feelings have a practical purpose, even the bad ones. They are signals from you unconscious mind as to whether or not life is happening the way you want it to. Bad moods are not designed to just give you the experience of feeling miserable. If you listen closely to what they are telling you then you will always be able to find a much quicker route back to happiness. Negative emotions are like the warning lights on the dashboard of you car. They are a call to action. When the petrol light comes on, that is not a signal for your car to become depressed, it is a sign that action needs to be taken to get fuel. When you add more petrol the light goes out. The moment you bring your conscious attention to the cause of the feeling, and realise what actions needs to be taken to redress the balance, then its job is done. It no longer serves any useful purpose.
It is critical to acknowledge all of your feelings and not to mask them with a fake happiness. If you just cover them up with a painted-on smile then their simmer will turn into a boil and eventually the pot will overflow. Remember, they have a message they want you to know about, so stop and take the time to listen. Ask yourself, "Why might I be feeling like this in this situation? What is it trying to suggest?" And it's important to focus on the areas in which you have an element of control. It is no good to say "Well, it's suggesting that Bob is a pillock!" Get clear about the steps that will lead you away from frustration and toward a solution that feels better. As soon as you get an answer then exercise whatever control you have and decide to let go of the negativity around it. Ask yourself the question, "Now that I know what to do to sort this out, is it possible and acceptable for me to do it happily?" You'll be surprised how easy it is when you are willing.
2. GET TO KNOW THE PHYSIOLOGY OF HAPPINESS
Happiness has two parts: the internal experience of joy and the physical aliveness in your body. You've probably noticed that when you are down your body language becomes an outward symbol of how you feel inside. It becomes slouched, tensed and heavy and lacks signs of energy. When you are happy you stand taller and have a more open airy posture. Often the quickest way out of a negative mood is simply to move and adopt a more empowering body language. This sends a very clear signal to your brain that it is time to start feeling happier. Try this out for yourself the next time you are being a bit of a grump. Stand up straight, stick your chest out, and put a deliberate smile on your face. Your nervous system can only respond in a positive way to this kind of instruction from your physiology, that's just the way we work!
Be happy everyone!
www.life-happens.co.uk
When was the last time you felt really happy for no reason whatsoever?
The term 'The Human Race' is very apt because metaphorically speaking we seem to think of our happiness as being out there in front of us and that we must race to catch up with it. We use language like 'chasing our dreams', and 'the pursuit of happiness', which on the surface seems like very exciting things to be involved in, but it also presupposes that happiness is somewhere off in the distance and that we are lagging behind. We immerse ourselves in an "I'll be happy when..." mentality, in which we are convinced that happiness will arrive in the form of that next promotion, or the bigger house, the perfect relationship, or that lottery win.
We also tend to think of happiness as being an 'it' - a something that has a form - like one day there will be a knock at the door and the FedEx guy will say "Hi, who's gonna to sign for this box of happiness?"
But look at a child. Children are much smarter than adults when it comes to being happy. For them it is just a state of being. They don't place conditions on when they will and when they won't feel it. As long as they're not hungry, in pain, or being told off, they are happy. It's their default program. And it is meant to be your default program too. The thing is, at some stage in a child's development they start copying what the adults do. They buy into our cultural idea that, actually, you can't just have your happiness, you have to earn it. You have to prove that you are worthy of it. If you work hard enough at working hard then one day just might get lots of nice things that will 'make' you happy, but you have to deserve it.
Of course we all know what happiness feels like, and we do encounter many happy times throughout our lives - marriages, births, birthdays, holidays, parties... It can even take us by surprise sometimes, like when you are out in nature and suddenly you are filled with a strong and comforting sense of connectedness with the world around you. This kind of happiness is great, but it is a fair weather friend; it comes when the going is good and shoots off again when the party is over. But a lot of people settle for it because they're promised to a more permanent kind of happiness - they just have to wait for the future to arrive!
The real truth about happiness is that do not have to wait for it happen to you. You do not have to be in the right place at the right time. You do not have to keep gambling with life until it comes knocking at your door. You have all the resources you need already within you to turn it on at will. It's like a switch. If you are stood in a darkened room you have the choice to flick the switch and turn the light on, but in order to do that you must first know that the switch is there and that you have the ability to control it.
Your happiness switch is exactly the same. You must recognise that it there for you to use at any moment and that you can control it with the belief that it is only ever your thoughts and attitudes that light up your world.
Happiness brings with it the kind of creativity, openness and clarity that makes any task seem almost effortless. Work stops feeling like work as soon as you go about your business with a genuine inner smile. But why do most people find this so hard to do?
It's because somewhere along the line we learned that we cannot be truly happy unless there is a reason to be happy. We introduce criteria that must be met before we will allow ourselves to let happiness in and feel ok about having it. Some people have even learned to attach guilt to their happiness. "Why should I feel happy while others still suffer?"
There's a very quirky thing about us humans, and that is that we can become very suspicious of other people who do not appear to have a good enough reason for their blatant displays of happiness. Whenever someone asks how I am I will usually say something like "I'm great" or "fantastic", to which the next question is often "Why, what's up?" I'll say "Nothing, I just feel good", and then enjoy the confused look on their face as they let out a slow "Riiiiiiiiight!"
The thing that really throws a spanner in the works of the common belief about happiness is that actually you can have it whenever you want it, and you don't have to do a thing to earn it. Because 'it' isn't an 'it' at all, it's a function of the human condition that serves a very practical purpose. As Michael Neil would put it, to ask if you deserve happiness is like asking if you deserve a nose. "Well....eeerrrrr.... I have a nose, but I don't know what I've done to deserve it". It sounds silly, doesn't it?
The key to having your happiness now rather than later is to know that happiness is not something that happens to you, it is something that you do. You must let go of the idea that happiness is a reward for good behaviour or that you must be worthy of it. You must also accept that your happiness is not on that ship that you're waiting on to come in. It is the ocean in which the ship sails, so if you want it, dive in and learn how to swim. In other words, your life is your happiness and you just need to start responding more happily towards it.
Numerous scientific studies into whether success leads to happiness shows that there is no quantifiable evidence to suggest that it does. What has been highlighted though, is that people who already experience high levels of happiness are significantly more likely to become successful later. Interesting! Happiness leads to success, not the other way around. Who'd have thought?
What this tells us is that genuine authentic happiness is unconditional. It is not out there. It is in here, and always has been. Happiness is only ever the result of your attitude and your behaviour, and learning to nurture it unconditionally gives you much more than just a good feeling; it makes your whole life run a lot smoother. That's nature's plan.
The only reason you ever need to be happy is that it allows you to get things done in a really efficient way. The most successful people learn to master the simple notion of being happy in the moment, not just because it feels good, but because being happy puts them into their most resourceful and productive state. I consider happiness to be a vital tool in the work I do because I am committed to producing the best quality output I am capable of. I know I can only achieve that if I am in a happy mood. Whether I'm running a workshop, writing an article, recording some audio, or coaching someone one on one, I will always spend a few moments up front getting myself into a happy frame of mind, because that's how I need to be for my best work to come out. Things just seem to flow better, I'm more creative, I see the bigger picture, and here's the really interesting bit, I encounter fewer obstacles.
I have spent countless hours studying the different philosophies about what happiness is and, while the various teachings use different kinds of language and terminology, they all agree that happiness does not wait on time, it waits on welcome. You may as well just open the door and let it in because it's already here, just waiting for your invitation.
"But hang on a minute, Paul. Surely it's unrealistic to be happy all the time. What about when you really do have problems. Sometimes, things just piss you off. That's life!"
Absolutely, life happens, and it doesn't always happen the way we want it to. It is the most natural thing in the world to feel unhappy, angry or sad in certain circumstances, and it is right and proper that we do feel that sometimes. But the problem comes when we habituate into these negative feelings; when being pissed off or grumpy becomes your standard response to most things.
There is nothing that you can achieve in an agitated frame of mind that you cannot do better with happiness.
There are two things you can choose to do to enjoy feeling more happiness more often.
1. WORK ON YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Just like happiness, all feelings have a practical purpose, even the bad ones. They are signals from you unconscious mind as to whether or not life is happening the way you want it to. Bad moods are not designed to just give you the experience of feeling miserable. If you listen closely to what they are telling you then you will always be able to find a much quicker route back to happiness. Negative emotions are like the warning lights on the dashboard of you car. They are a call to action. When the petrol light comes on, that is not a signal for your car to become depressed, it is a sign that action needs to be taken to get fuel. When you add more petrol the light goes out. The moment you bring your conscious attention to the cause of the feeling, and realise what actions needs to be taken to redress the balance, then its job is done. It no longer serves any useful purpose.
It is critical to acknowledge all of your feelings and not to mask them with a fake happiness. If you just cover them up with a painted-on smile then their simmer will turn into a boil and eventually the pot will overflow. Remember, they have a message they want you to know about, so stop and take the time to listen. Ask yourself, "Why might I be feeling like this in this situation? What is it trying to suggest?" And it's important to focus on the areas in which you have an element of control. It is no good to say "Well, it's suggesting that Bob is a pillock!" Get clear about the steps that will lead you away from frustration and toward a solution that feels better. As soon as you get an answer then exercise whatever control you have and decide to let go of the negativity around it. Ask yourself the question, "Now that I know what to do to sort this out, is it possible and acceptable for me to do it happily?" You'll be surprised how easy it is when you are willing.
2. GET TO KNOW THE PHYSIOLOGY OF HAPPINESS
Happiness has two parts: the internal experience of joy and the physical aliveness in your body. You've probably noticed that when you are down your body language becomes an outward symbol of how you feel inside. It becomes slouched, tensed and heavy and lacks signs of energy. When you are happy you stand taller and have a more open airy posture. Often the quickest way out of a negative mood is simply to move and adopt a more empowering body language. This sends a very clear signal to your brain that it is time to start feeling happier. Try this out for yourself the next time you are being a bit of a grump. Stand up straight, stick your chest out, and put a deliberate smile on your face. Your nervous system can only respond in a positive way to this kind of instruction from your physiology, that's just the way we work!
Be happy everyone!
www.life-happens.co.uk
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
The Secret To Making Good Decisions
How many times in your life have you put off doing something because you couldn’t decide the best course of action to take? I’ve known people plan to go out for a well earned meal with their partner and end up staying at home because they couldn’t make up their mind between Chinese or Italian. Heaven help the person who orders sweet and sour chicken when all along they should have been having lasagne! Can you imagine what it is like for them to choose between a staying in their job or take a gamble on starting that business they always dreamed of?
The fear of making bad decisions prevents people from doing all kinds of things that they might be better off doing. The truth of the matter is there is no way of knowing which direction a particular choice is going to take you. You can spend years ruminating over every possible outcome while in the mean time watching the world move on around you. It doesn’t change the fact that, no matter what you choose to do in the end, it might all turn out right and it might all turn out not so right.
But none of that matters because the secret to making great decisions is falling in love with making mistakes.
A lot of people will not make the distinction between making a mistake and making a bad decision, but there is a world of difference, and realising what that difference is can literally turn your life around and set you on a whole new path.
A mistake is literally doing something in a moment that you think is for the best but later turns out to be not such a good idea for you. A bad decision is doing nothing to correct that mistake and then letting the consequences of it define you for ages afterwards.
Here are a few of examples:
Mistake = Getting into a relationship with the wrong person
Bad Decision = Sticking with them and being miserable for the rest of your life
Mistake = Choosing Bognor Regis rather than Cuba for your annual holiday
Bad Decision = Looking for everything you can find to hate about Bognor just to prove you were right about how you should have gone to Cuba! And then going back to Bognor next year! (Bognor is a wonderful place by the way :o)
Mistake = Going into business without having some sort of a plan
Bad Decision = Injecting more and more of your personal finance, sweat and tears into it just to prove you can make the damn thing work.
Making a good decision is not about knowing the outcome before it has had a chance to happen. It is about committing to ANY course of action you FEEL is for the best and then paying attention to the lessons you are later presented with. It is the skill of interpreting the information generated by what has happened and choosing to either do more of the same or change your approach – even start again in some cases. In the same way that an aeroplane reaches its destination by continually measuring how off track it is from the set flight path and adjusting its course to get back on track, the same is true for good decision making.
Making a decision in any area is not a one time event; it is an ongoing and organic process that must evolve as life unfolds.
Today’s Homework:
Think about a decision you have been putting off making. What are the possible choices you have?
Just for a moment, let go of analysing which choice you think you should make and just listen to your body; your intuition. If I were to flip a coin and the rules were Heads you choose option A and Tails you go with option B, which side would you secretly hope for, deep down, before knowing the outcome?
Just go with your instinct and do something to start to make that choice happen. Be willing to make a mistake, knowing that the only bad decision you can ever make is to not do something about the things you didn’t want to happen.
If things go wrong be willing to make a mistake in the opposite direction because, who knows, it might turn out to not be a mistake after all, but rather the realisation of your dream!
No matter what your situation you always have choice. Don’t worry about having to choose wisely, that’s overrated.
The fear of making bad decisions prevents people from doing all kinds of things that they might be better off doing. The truth of the matter is there is no way of knowing which direction a particular choice is going to take you. You can spend years ruminating over every possible outcome while in the mean time watching the world move on around you. It doesn’t change the fact that, no matter what you choose to do in the end, it might all turn out right and it might all turn out not so right.
But none of that matters because the secret to making great decisions is falling in love with making mistakes.
A lot of people will not make the distinction between making a mistake and making a bad decision, but there is a world of difference, and realising what that difference is can literally turn your life around and set you on a whole new path.
A mistake is literally doing something in a moment that you think is for the best but later turns out to be not such a good idea for you. A bad decision is doing nothing to correct that mistake and then letting the consequences of it define you for ages afterwards.
Here are a few of examples:
Mistake = Getting into a relationship with the wrong person
Bad Decision = Sticking with them and being miserable for the rest of your life
Mistake = Choosing Bognor Regis rather than Cuba for your annual holiday
Bad Decision = Looking for everything you can find to hate about Bognor just to prove you were right about how you should have gone to Cuba! And then going back to Bognor next year! (Bognor is a wonderful place by the way :o)
Mistake = Going into business without having some sort of a plan
Bad Decision = Injecting more and more of your personal finance, sweat and tears into it just to prove you can make the damn thing work.
Making a good decision is not about knowing the outcome before it has had a chance to happen. It is about committing to ANY course of action you FEEL is for the best and then paying attention to the lessons you are later presented with. It is the skill of interpreting the information generated by what has happened and choosing to either do more of the same or change your approach – even start again in some cases. In the same way that an aeroplane reaches its destination by continually measuring how off track it is from the set flight path and adjusting its course to get back on track, the same is true for good decision making.
Making a decision in any area is not a one time event; it is an ongoing and organic process that must evolve as life unfolds.
Today’s Homework:
Think about a decision you have been putting off making. What are the possible choices you have?
Just for a moment, let go of analysing which choice you think you should make and just listen to your body; your intuition. If I were to flip a coin and the rules were Heads you choose option A and Tails you go with option B, which side would you secretly hope for, deep down, before knowing the outcome?
Just go with your instinct and do something to start to make that choice happen. Be willing to make a mistake, knowing that the only bad decision you can ever make is to not do something about the things you didn’t want to happen.
If things go wrong be willing to make a mistake in the opposite direction because, who knows, it might turn out to not be a mistake after all, but rather the realisation of your dream!
No matter what your situation you always have choice. Don’t worry about having to choose wisely, that’s overrated.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
HOW TO NIP NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN THE BUD
Everyone has negative thoughts. If you’re human you can’t help it. Even the most positive and inspirational people you know have the similar kind of negative thoughts that you have from time to time. Believe it or not they also make harsh unconscious judgements about people, things and events too! They criticise and self deprecate – but that doesn’t stop them being generally positive and inspirational, does it?
The truth about what goes on in our heads is that we don’t always get to choose the types of thoughts that take place. But we DO get to choose which of those thoughts we pay attention to and do something with.
The majority of the dialogue, imagery, ideas and scenarios that plays out in your thinking is just the stream of background noise your unconscious mind makes as it does its job of making sense of the world around you. It is absolutely harmless. All the time you just leave it be and let it get on with what ever it wants to think about (in which ever way it wants to think about it) there can be no reason for you to get disturbed. It is only when you inject life into a thought and give it wings - when you consciously ‘pick-up’ on innocent background negativity and bring it to the fore by consciously making it louder and potent to your senses - that things start to get a bit messy.
Here’s the thing:
The truth about what goes on in our heads is that we don’t always get to choose the types of thoughts that take place. But we DO get to choose which of those thoughts we pay attention to and do something with.
The majority of the dialogue, imagery, ideas and scenarios that plays out in your thinking is just the stream of background noise your unconscious mind makes as it does its job of making sense of the world around you. It is absolutely harmless. All the time you just leave it be and let it get on with what ever it wants to think about (in which ever way it wants to think about it) there can be no reason for you to get disturbed. It is only when you inject life into a thought and give it wings - when you consciously ‘pick-up’ on innocent background negativity and bring it to the fore by consciously making it louder and potent to your senses - that things start to get a bit messy.
Here’s the thing:
The problem is not that you have the negative thought; the problem is that you take it seriously, like it actually means something.
One of the fundamental keys to having a more positive experience in any area of your life is to stop thinking your thoughts are telling you the truth, or even that they are telling you what you actually believe, for that matter!!!
This is my really simple model to NIP your consciously negative thoughts in the bud.
NIP stands for: Notice – Interrupt – Positive
This is how it works:
NOTICE - The first step is to catch yourself in the act of talking negatively with your internal voice. The very moment you realise you are ‘doing it again’ you can instantly move on to the next step.
INTERRUPT – This means doing or saying something deliberately different in your mind to break the flow of the negative thought. I’ve found one of the best ways to do this is to shout “STOP” in a forceful tone of voice (remember this is using your internal voice – you could get some rather strange looks otherwise!!). Another great way is to imagine you have a volume dial for your internal dialogue and hear the voice quieten all the way down to silence as you turn it.
POSTIVE – Once you’ve interrupted the negative voice you’ll notice there is a moment of silence. Use this space to generate choices for how you could view the thing you were thinking about in a positive way.
Example:
“I really don’t want to give that presentation tomorrow…. It’s taking up so much of my time and I’ve got other more important things to do…. And I’m rubbish at presentations anyway….. I’m going to make a real hash of it, I know it…. My boss’s boss is going to be there…. Everyone will think I don’t know what I’m talking about…………” (Notice)
“STOP!!!………..” (Interrupt)
“OK. Let me just imagine for a moment that the presentation goes perfectly…. Right, there I am standing confidently and talking clearly, making great eye contact. Just relax…. It feels a whole lot better when I visualise the positive and engaged looks on their faces… This could actually be quite a good opportunity for me to raise my profile…..” (Positive)
Try it out. Have fun playing around with that voice in your head, after all it IS yours and you can do what you want with it!!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” - Henry Ford
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
QUICK TIP FOR EXERCISE MOTIVATION
Every so often I like to contribute to some of the various online personal development forums that are out there. I find them to be a great source of inspiration - getting other people's views and tips for living positively - and it’s also a great way for me to offer my own help to people I would probably never get to meet in person. The following is a really quick visualization technique I posted on the Morning Coach Forum today (www.morningcoach.com) in response to a lady who was experiencing a lack of motivation for going to the gym.
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
Friday, October 17, 2008
THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING YOU FIRST
“In order to give your best to others, you have to put yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s crucial.” - Paul Dalton
Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person. Many, however, have adopted the belief that in order to be a good person they have to put other’s needs before their own. This is rarely the result of conscious choice, but rather a consequence of upbringing, or conditioning.
When we were young we learned that if we misbehaved the people we depended upon for survival seemed to take away the love we so desperately sought. We also learned that being good and “doing as we were told” got us the rewards of praise and affection. The result for many, even in adulthood, is to unconsciously believe that love and security are only given when we do the things that other people want us to do, so we instinctively put them first. It is, of course, good to be surrounded by those who love you, but that love does not have to be at the cost of your own personal growth and self-fulfilment.
Have you ever considered that you are important to the people who are important to you? If the boot was on the other foot, would you feel satisfied knowing that someone you care deeply for was sacrificing their own creativity and potential in order to do the things that please you? The truth is the people you love want you to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself – that’s why they cherish you!!!
Putting yourself first might feel a little unnatural to begin with, but when you understand the reason why it’s so important it will become an attitude you are willing adopt. Ask yourself these two questions: 1, How does me feeling unfulfilled and out of touch with my own self worth in any way add value for the people I care about? 2, How much would my relationships benefit if I felt truly content and inspired to grow as a person?
The truth is you can only put into a relationship what you have to give in the first place. Investing quality time and effort into yourself literally provides you with the positive energy and focus that’s required to nurture and support those around you. And they will really appreciate you for you it. Talk about a win win situation!
Do it now! Set aside time in your diary to have fun, play, read, socialise, learn, exercise, create, discover……what ever it is that inspires you.
Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person. Many, however, have adopted the belief that in order to be a good person they have to put other’s needs before their own. This is rarely the result of conscious choice, but rather a consequence of upbringing, or conditioning.
When we were young we learned that if we misbehaved the people we depended upon for survival seemed to take away the love we so desperately sought. We also learned that being good and “doing as we were told” got us the rewards of praise and affection. The result for many, even in adulthood, is to unconsciously believe that love and security are only given when we do the things that other people want us to do, so we instinctively put them first. It is, of course, good to be surrounded by those who love you, but that love does not have to be at the cost of your own personal growth and self-fulfilment.
Have you ever considered that you are important to the people who are important to you? If the boot was on the other foot, would you feel satisfied knowing that someone you care deeply for was sacrificing their own creativity and potential in order to do the things that please you? The truth is the people you love want you to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself – that’s why they cherish you!!!
Putting yourself first might feel a little unnatural to begin with, but when you understand the reason why it’s so important it will become an attitude you are willing adopt. Ask yourself these two questions: 1, How does me feeling unfulfilled and out of touch with my own self worth in any way add value for the people I care about? 2, How much would my relationships benefit if I felt truly content and inspired to grow as a person?
The truth is you can only put into a relationship what you have to give in the first place. Investing quality time and effort into yourself literally provides you with the positive energy and focus that’s required to nurture and support those around you. And they will really appreciate you for you it. Talk about a win win situation!
Do it now! Set aside time in your diary to have fun, play, read, socialise, learn, exercise, create, discover……what ever it is that inspires you.
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Law of Circulation
What Is The Law Of Circulation?
Law of Circulation - Flow of Giving and ReceivingPosted by Enoch Tan - Share this article with friends!
The law of circulation states that all things in the universe is always flowing in circulation but at an ever expanding rate. What you give to one person, you will receive from a different source. So you don’t have to give with the expectation of receiving back from the same person you give to, but knowing that it will definitely come back to you multiplied from other sources. It works according to the law of cause and effect where the universe always mirrors back to you whatever you do.
It’s important to notice how you respond to compliments especially when they are sincere and valid. Do you downplay it, decline it or ignore it? Do you say something like “Oh it’s nothing.” The reason why you do not accept other people’s compliments about you is because you do not accept them about yourself. Learn to have complete self acceptance so that you can look others in the eye and say “Thank you.” The reason why it is important to accept compliments is that it allows the other person to give something to us.
Do not refuse anything good that is offered to you. If someone offers you a gift, take the gift and just say, “Thank You.” If you are in a restaurant and someone wants to pay the bill, don’t argue. Just say, “Thank you” and allow them to give to you. Give up your beliefs about accepting gifts from others. Forget about feeling vulnerable or owing them something. Don’t decline it because you do not want to be affected by the law of reciprocity.
If someone gives you something you don’t like or you don’t need, pass it on to someone else who can use it or enjoy it. As you do this, everyone gets to win. When you refuse a gift from anyone, you are not only blocking the flow of abundance in your life, but you are also blocking the flow of abundance in the giver’s life.
If you wanted to give a gift, wouldn’t you want someone to receive your gift? Remember, there can’t be a giver without a receiver. Whenever you accept a gift, know that you are helping yourself and the giver to complete the cycle of giving and receiving.
Of course you can decline a gift when it is given for the wrong purpose or the wrong motive. When you know that someone is giving you something for the purpose of enticing you to do something that is not to your best benefit, you have every right to decline the gift. True giving is always out of love. Love is the purest motive force and giving is the expression of love. When someone gives to you out of love, you can accept it.
You can still choose to accept a gift when the person is giving for the wrong reasons though. Any harm caused will only be to themselves but you will benefit. You should treat every gift you receive as a gift that you are receiving from the universe. It is ultimately the universe that gives to you no matter what channels it may give through. Even the wealth of the wicked shall be handed over to the righteous.
Positive circulation is when things increase as a result. Negative circulation is when things diminish as a result. What you hold on to will keep slipping away until there is nothing left. You can never escape the law of circulation. If you try to stop the circulation of things, it will still circulate but in a negative manner. It will be circulated through unexpected expenses such as paying for repairs and replacements of things that are damaged, stolen or lost. Look at areas in your life where you are prevented from keeping your money or being forced to spend it.
You proclaim that everything you have belongs to God when you give away a portion of it. The portion represents the whole. God accepts the portion as the whole. The portion that you give to God is blessed and therefore the remaining of all that you have is also blessed. As we circulate our money freely, more money flows into our lives.
We are all stewards of the universe resources. If you do not circulate what you have for the work of the universe, what you have will be taken away and given to another who is doing so. Don’t worry about people who are selfish and do not give. If you keep giving and being in flow, even what others hoard from you will somehow be made by the universe to be given to you. So you can rest in the truth that you will always have whatever you want and no one can hold it from you. You never have to withhold from giving others what they want just because they withhold from giving what you want.
Of course you shouldn’t anyhow give but give wisely. You should give to where your giving would do the most good so that it would flourish. You should give to someone or some place that contributes to your personal growth or happiness. Give to where you receive spiritual nourishment from. Give to people who inspire you, help you and love you. Give to where you receive the most joy. Give to where it makes you most happy to give. You should give most of all to where you are personally involved in.
Positive circulation increases the value of things because it is beneficial to both giver and receiver. Negative circulation decrease the value of things because it is detrimental to one or both parties. Positive circulation occurs when what is received is combined and transformed into something better and given away again. Negative circulation occurs when what is received cannot or isn’t used but is released in a state that is worse than before. An example is the money making scams of life.
It is better to give in smaller amounts but more frequently than to give in large amounts but less frequently. It is consistency of giving and not magnitude that has the effect. When you give frequently, you are in constant flow and there is no stagnation. When you give only large amounts now and then, you will be in stagnation during periods where you are not giving. Think about constant circulation to keep the water in a tank fresh and clear, compared to changing it completely only now and then.
Whenever you give something to others, you should also allow them to give something back to you if they desire to. If they have allowed you the favor of expressing abundance towards them, you show also allow them the favor of expressing abundance towards you. It is perfectly alright to set up an exchange of value by having others pay for what you have to offer. It is also a way of allow circulation to take place that will lead to the increase of your own wealth and the wealth of the world.
We can’t give that which we don’t have. It is a joyful thing to have so that we can share. When you help people by sacrificing yourself to be of service to others, you will feel resentful for it and end up paying a much higher price. That is because correct giving must be a circulation and not just an outflow. When you give, you need to receive something in return in order to enable yourself to continue to give more. Your can only give in proportion with your ability to receive. The best givers are the best receivers.
The key is to be abundant and happy with yourself. Then from that space you can reach out and help others. Otherwise instead of changing the world, we are just tilting the scale from one extreme to the other. Balance is found not when one is down and the other one is up, but when were are all at the same level where in our own personal way, we feel abundance, happy and fulfilled, that we are sharing our talents, resources, and gifts with one another.
Always give away whatever it is that you want. If you want love, give love. If you want money, give money. If you want knowledge, give knowledge. You will always have already been provided by the universe with a certain amount of what you want. You just want more of it. If you give out of the little that you have, much more will come back to you. If you want to have wealth, first show others how to have wealth. Whatever you want, if you cause another being to have it first, you will have it in abundance.
You are in vibrational resonance with abundance through your physical acts of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving are the two polarities of the same frequency spectrum of abundance. That is why people who have the most are the ones that give and receive the most. God gives us his all to receive back our all.
Law of Circulation - Flow of Giving and ReceivingPosted by Enoch Tan - Share this article with friends!
The law of circulation states that all things in the universe is always flowing in circulation but at an ever expanding rate. What you give to one person, you will receive from a different source. So you don’t have to give with the expectation of receiving back from the same person you give to, but knowing that it will definitely come back to you multiplied from other sources. It works according to the law of cause and effect where the universe always mirrors back to you whatever you do.
It’s important to notice how you respond to compliments especially when they are sincere and valid. Do you downplay it, decline it or ignore it? Do you say something like “Oh it’s nothing.” The reason why you do not accept other people’s compliments about you is because you do not accept them about yourself. Learn to have complete self acceptance so that you can look others in the eye and say “Thank you.” The reason why it is important to accept compliments is that it allows the other person to give something to us.
Do not refuse anything good that is offered to you. If someone offers you a gift, take the gift and just say, “Thank You.” If you are in a restaurant and someone wants to pay the bill, don’t argue. Just say, “Thank you” and allow them to give to you. Give up your beliefs about accepting gifts from others. Forget about feeling vulnerable or owing them something. Don’t decline it because you do not want to be affected by the law of reciprocity.
If someone gives you something you don’t like or you don’t need, pass it on to someone else who can use it or enjoy it. As you do this, everyone gets to win. When you refuse a gift from anyone, you are not only blocking the flow of abundance in your life, but you are also blocking the flow of abundance in the giver’s life.
If you wanted to give a gift, wouldn’t you want someone to receive your gift? Remember, there can’t be a giver without a receiver. Whenever you accept a gift, know that you are helping yourself and the giver to complete the cycle of giving and receiving.
Of course you can decline a gift when it is given for the wrong purpose or the wrong motive. When you know that someone is giving you something for the purpose of enticing you to do something that is not to your best benefit, you have every right to decline the gift. True giving is always out of love. Love is the purest motive force and giving is the expression of love. When someone gives to you out of love, you can accept it.
You can still choose to accept a gift when the person is giving for the wrong reasons though. Any harm caused will only be to themselves but you will benefit. You should treat every gift you receive as a gift that you are receiving from the universe. It is ultimately the universe that gives to you no matter what channels it may give through. Even the wealth of the wicked shall be handed over to the righteous.
Positive circulation is when things increase as a result. Negative circulation is when things diminish as a result. What you hold on to will keep slipping away until there is nothing left. You can never escape the law of circulation. If you try to stop the circulation of things, it will still circulate but in a negative manner. It will be circulated through unexpected expenses such as paying for repairs and replacements of things that are damaged, stolen or lost. Look at areas in your life where you are prevented from keeping your money or being forced to spend it.
You proclaim that everything you have belongs to God when you give away a portion of it. The portion represents the whole. God accepts the portion as the whole. The portion that you give to God is blessed and therefore the remaining of all that you have is also blessed. As we circulate our money freely, more money flows into our lives.
We are all stewards of the universe resources. If you do not circulate what you have for the work of the universe, what you have will be taken away and given to another who is doing so. Don’t worry about people who are selfish and do not give. If you keep giving and being in flow, even what others hoard from you will somehow be made by the universe to be given to you. So you can rest in the truth that you will always have whatever you want and no one can hold it from you. You never have to withhold from giving others what they want just because they withhold from giving what you want.
Of course you shouldn’t anyhow give but give wisely. You should give to where your giving would do the most good so that it would flourish. You should give to someone or some place that contributes to your personal growth or happiness. Give to where you receive spiritual nourishment from. Give to people who inspire you, help you and love you. Give to where you receive the most joy. Give to where it makes you most happy to give. You should give most of all to where you are personally involved in.
Positive circulation increases the value of things because it is beneficial to both giver and receiver. Negative circulation decrease the value of things because it is detrimental to one or both parties. Positive circulation occurs when what is received is combined and transformed into something better and given away again. Negative circulation occurs when what is received cannot or isn’t used but is released in a state that is worse than before. An example is the money making scams of life.
It is better to give in smaller amounts but more frequently than to give in large amounts but less frequently. It is consistency of giving and not magnitude that has the effect. When you give frequently, you are in constant flow and there is no stagnation. When you give only large amounts now and then, you will be in stagnation during periods where you are not giving. Think about constant circulation to keep the water in a tank fresh and clear, compared to changing it completely only now and then.
Whenever you give something to others, you should also allow them to give something back to you if they desire to. If they have allowed you the favor of expressing abundance towards them, you show also allow them the favor of expressing abundance towards you. It is perfectly alright to set up an exchange of value by having others pay for what you have to offer. It is also a way of allow circulation to take place that will lead to the increase of your own wealth and the wealth of the world.
We can’t give that which we don’t have. It is a joyful thing to have so that we can share. When you help people by sacrificing yourself to be of service to others, you will feel resentful for it and end up paying a much higher price. That is because correct giving must be a circulation and not just an outflow. When you give, you need to receive something in return in order to enable yourself to continue to give more. Your can only give in proportion with your ability to receive. The best givers are the best receivers.
The key is to be abundant and happy with yourself. Then from that space you can reach out and help others. Otherwise instead of changing the world, we are just tilting the scale from one extreme to the other. Balance is found not when one is down and the other one is up, but when were are all at the same level where in our own personal way, we feel abundance, happy and fulfilled, that we are sharing our talents, resources, and gifts with one another.
Always give away whatever it is that you want. If you want love, give love. If you want money, give money. If you want knowledge, give knowledge. You will always have already been provided by the universe with a certain amount of what you want. You just want more of it. If you give out of the little that you have, much more will come back to you. If you want to have wealth, first show others how to have wealth. Whatever you want, if you cause another being to have it first, you will have it in abundance.
You are in vibrational resonance with abundance through your physical acts of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving are the two polarities of the same frequency spectrum of abundance. That is why people who have the most are the ones that give and receive the most. God gives us his all to receive back our all.
Friday, January 11, 2008
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE INFLUENCES
“When you are about to embark on a journey, don’t consult those who have never left home” - Proverb
The people and things we surround ourselves with can make a huge difference to our general state of mind. I’m sure you’ve noticed that spending too much time with people who complain a lot can be a real drain on your positivity. On the other hand, I bet you also know someone who is consistently able to cheer you up just with their presence.
Your brain and nervous system are constantly responding to the input they are given. In order to understand or empathise with others, you have to go on an internal search to match their communication with an appropriate emotional response. If the people around you are full of doom and gloom the resulting images and sounds in your mind are likely to generate an impoverished emotional state in you too.
One possible way to counteract this effect is to be aware of how other people’s communication styles are affecting you emotionally and to deliberately override your own negative thoughts with more positive ones. Easier said than done? I would suggest that it is far easier to avoid the negative people in your life, or limit the time you need to spend with them. If it’s difficult to do this, at the very least you should plan to spend a lot more time with the people who are fun to be with and remind you how positive life can be with a different out look.
When you decide to climb your ladder of self improvement there will be those who see it as their job to pull you back down. They feel compelled to judge or even try to stop you bettering yourself, but only because they unconsciously recognise their own failings and would feel inadequate if you succeeded. Of course they would never admit this consciously!! Going out of your way to seek support and guidance from those who have already accomplished the things you want to achieve is the most powerful way of staying on track. Make sure you share your dreams with people who will understand and encourage you every step of the way.
The world can be a very hypnotic place, so being aware of the negative influences that suppress your true potential can give you insight into how to make your life a much more positive experience. How could you start each day with something that gets you into an inspired frame of mind? Maybe you could wake up to your favourite music, do some exercise, make time for a nice breakfast and spend a few minutes deciding what you will do today to move you closer towards your goals. This will surely put you in a more resourceful state than relying on the morning news to set the scene for the rest of your day. Remember, you always get more of what you focus on.
The people and things we surround ourselves with can make a huge difference to our general state of mind. I’m sure you’ve noticed that spending too much time with people who complain a lot can be a real drain on your positivity. On the other hand, I bet you also know someone who is consistently able to cheer you up just with their presence.
Your brain and nervous system are constantly responding to the input they are given. In order to understand or empathise with others, you have to go on an internal search to match their communication with an appropriate emotional response. If the people around you are full of doom and gloom the resulting images and sounds in your mind are likely to generate an impoverished emotional state in you too.
One possible way to counteract this effect is to be aware of how other people’s communication styles are affecting you emotionally and to deliberately override your own negative thoughts with more positive ones. Easier said than done? I would suggest that it is far easier to avoid the negative people in your life, or limit the time you need to spend with them. If it’s difficult to do this, at the very least you should plan to spend a lot more time with the people who are fun to be with and remind you how positive life can be with a different out look.
When you decide to climb your ladder of self improvement there will be those who see it as their job to pull you back down. They feel compelled to judge or even try to stop you bettering yourself, but only because they unconsciously recognise their own failings and would feel inadequate if you succeeded. Of course they would never admit this consciously!! Going out of your way to seek support and guidance from those who have already accomplished the things you want to achieve is the most powerful way of staying on track. Make sure you share your dreams with people who will understand and encourage you every step of the way.
The world can be a very hypnotic place, so being aware of the negative influences that suppress your true potential can give you insight into how to make your life a much more positive experience. How could you start each day with something that gets you into an inspired frame of mind? Maybe you could wake up to your favourite music, do some exercise, make time for a nice breakfast and spend a few minutes deciding what you will do today to move you closer towards your goals. This will surely put you in a more resourceful state than relying on the morning news to set the scene for the rest of your day. Remember, you always get more of what you focus on.
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