In this episode of Life Happens - LIVE Paul talks about the "empowering" and "disempowering" questions we ask ourselves, and the way they influence our experience in any situation.
Showing posts with label NLP. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NLP. Show all posts
Monday, August 10, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Finding Peace, Right Here, Right Now
In this episode Paul shares the most effective prinicple for getting away from stress and discovering peace in the 'now'. He also walks you through a great technique for learning how to be present in any situation.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Getting Yourself Motivated
There is one type request that I get more than any other and that is to provide strategies for generating and maintaining motivation, some people call this ‘self-discipline’. It’s actually not that common for people to ask me for step-by-step instructions on what they need do to get a task completed. You see, most often people already know what they need to do to achieve a particular goal. They know which actions are likely to lead them towards the outcome of their desire.
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Those who want to lose weight usually don’t need me to tell them to moderate their calorie intake, eat a varied and balanced selection of healthy foods and to get a good amount of exercise.
Someone who wants to get their finances into check isn’t necessarily looking for me to point out that they should spend less than they earn and cut back on the unnecessary expenses that don’t add any real value to their life.
Every smoker I’ve ever met has been intelligent enough to know that quitting cigarettes is a lot easier when you stop putting them in your mouth and lighting them.
In theory, putting into practice those actions we know will bring us success should be easy. But in practice, as we know, that is not always the case. In my experience, the one thing that prevents people from following through with their well intentioned plans, more than any other obstacle, is their own willingness to keep taking the actions they know they need to take.
I’m sure at some time or other you will have had the experience of deciding to make a positive change in your life, launching into a flurry of enthusiastic activity, only to find that no sooner have you started that you just seem to lose your appetite to continue. Your “I want to” rapidly switched to “Do I really have to?”
Surely we are not so indecisive about what we want that we can’t hold one fixed goal in our minds for long enough to build a bit of momentum around it? In the example of the person who wants to be fitter and healthier, there is no denying that they would love to have that become their reality, but if it feels so good to imagine what the outcome would be like, why are they so reluctant to play a part in making it happen?
It is because the key to unlocking your motivation in any area actually has nothing to do with how much you want the result, but what you imagine it is going take to get there.
Here’s a little thought experiment for you:
Let’s say that I wanted to give you a gift of £10 and that all you needed to do is cross over the street to collect it. If you are like most people you would probably be quite happy to take the short trip to get the money, because your focus would be on the benefit of the outcome. As you make the journey you might be thinking about what you’d like to spend the £10 on.
But let’s now rewind the experiment and start again, only this time rather than crossing the street, you’d have to walk to the other side of town.
Now, while you might still want the money, your decision as to whether or not you can be bothered to go and collect it will not be as automatic. This is because your focus will have shifted from the benefit or value you’d gain from the money, to the inconvenience of walking across town. You are more likely to be thinking about the time it is going to take you to get there and the energy you’d need to exert, rather than what having an extra £10 will do for you. You may still decide to go, but you will certainly be less motivated to do so than had the money been waiting for you just across the street.
This imaginary exercise highlights the law that underpins our motivation to do just about anything in life. It’s the good old Pain / Pleasure Principle.
Behind all human behaviour is the inbuilt desire to move away from pain and towards pleasure. Everything from getting up in the morning in order to make it to work on time, through to planning a family or going on holiday, is driven by the motivation to either avoid something that we perceive will bring us pain, or move towards something that will bring us pleasure. While some people are motivated to get up and go to work because they love their job, others are motivated to get up and go to work because they don’t want to get fired and lose the house!
The Pain / Pleasure Principle is such an integral part of being Human that without it we literally wouldn’t and couldn’t get anything done. If you’re not being moved away from or towards something then you must be standing still; not a great way for a species to evolve, I’m sure you’ll agree.
So what does this have to do with motivating ourselves to reach our goals? Well think of it this way. Imagine that ‘motivation’ is a set of balancing scales where one side represents doing the actions that lead towards the fulfilment of a goal and the other side represents avoiding doing those actions. For the purpose of this exercise let’s assume the action concerned is to going to the gym. Now, let’s also imagine that in your hand you have a heavy weight that I’m going to refer to as your “pleasure token”.
If, as you consider the possibility of going to the gym, you start associating with all the good things that would happen as a result, i.e. the endorphin release from working out; the sense of satisfaction you’ll have as you notice how much better you look and feel; the anticipation of being able to get into those smaller clothes; the compliments you’ll get; then its obvious that you’re inclined to place your heavy pleasure token on the “take action” side of the scales. When you think in these terms, motivation is not an issue, it is just a natural desire to go and exercise.
If, on the other hand, you find yourself thinking of why going to the gym might just be inconvenient or not enjoyable, i.e. it’ll be hard work; you might be sore the next day; you have to rush to get there in time; you’ll have to forego the sofa and miss some good stuff on TV; then its not surprising that you’ll place your pleasure token on the “Don’t take action” side of the scales. In this case the pleasure comes from doing nothing and choosing comfort.
Don’t forget, at our core we are just pleasure seekers! If we perceive that going to the gym has pain attached it then it must come as no shock that we’ll buy into any lame excuse as to why we don’t get around to working out.
But all is not lost. It is far easier to begin generating the motivation to do those previously “painful” activities than you might think. The secret is to practice attaching massive amounts of pleasure to getting them done, and recognising the painful consequences of not doing them.
So that leads us onto…
This week’s homework:
1, Think about something you have been putting off doing that you know if you did get around to doing would amount to a positive change in your life, and that left undone would gradually lead to negative consequences.
2, Now take a moment to relax with a few deep breaths to get yourself into a settled and creative state.
3, Close your eyes and imagine that in front of you are two paths running away from you and parallel to each other. The path on your left represents a future where you continue to choose to do nothing about working towards the outcome you’d like to have happen. The path on the right represents the future where you do take the necessary actions to achieve that goal.
[For this demonstration we’re going to be travelling along each path one year into the future, but when you do this for yourself you might want to adjust the timeframe shorter or longer depending on what feels most realistic for your goal]
4, So, here we are today [what ever today’s date is], and we have a choice. We can either choose action or inaction for our future path, so let try each one out. Imagine that you have walked along the left hand path of inaction and you arrive one month into the future. As you think about the consequence of another month of inaction, what’s going on for you? Make it as if it is actually happening right now by seeing it through your own eyes, hearing what you hear and really feeling what it feels like. What have you been missing out on? Has anything got worse? How does this affect things like your relationships and your own happiness? Linger on it for a while before moving on.
5, Now travel further along the path to the 6 month milestone. Another six months of avoiding making that goal happen. What does that feel like? As if it’s happening, really consider what life is like now. What are all the consequences of your inaction; of choosing what you thought is the “comfortable” path? How about your relationships? Happiness? Health? Wealth? Remember to see it through your own eyes and really go with the feelings.
6, Next, go to the one year anniversary of your travels long this inaction path. As you think back to the beginning, when you had the choice to start making things happen, how does it feel to know you’ve let another entire year slip by with no change whatsoever? How did you get here? You did it one day at a time! What have been the effects of that? If you could symbolise the negative consequences into objects [e.g. piles of wasted money, mountains of junk food, bills up to your eyeballs, a ‘goodbye’ letter from someone who left you!! etc.] then imagine a years worth of those accumulated items all around you. Even thought it probably feels uncomfortable to do so, really feel it like its happening now.
7, Ok, relax for a moment. Let’s travel back to the present day and see what the other path has to offer.
8, Imagine that you’ve travelled one month along the action path, having done all the things you know to do to work towards that desired outcome. What positive benefits are you already noticing? See it, hear it and feel it through your own senses and experience how good it feels? Remember to congratulate yourself on a job well done.
9, Now go to the six month marker. Half a year of making your life better through those positive actions. What are you able to do now that you couldn’t have done six months ago? How does this affect your experience of life? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Let yourself really exaggerate that good feeling and stay with it for a while before moving along the path even further.
9, Right, now let’s travel to the one year anniversary of making that positive change in your life. Fully associate into how wonderful it feels to be celebrating this milestone. You did it. You made it happen. What are all the great things that you get to experience because of the steps you’ve taken over the last year? How much have things improved in terms of your happiness, relationships, health, money, direction, optimism for the future? Hold your body as you would in this situation and let the feeling radiate up to the top of your head and down the tips of your toes. Double it! Make it feel as real and as wonderful as you can. And then relax and return to the present day.
If you’ve allowed yourself to get into the spirit of this exercise and have fully associated into each step, then there is no doubt which path you’ll want to choose. Practice this as often as you like and the motivation to make those goals become your reality will just flow naturally to you!
Have a brilliant week.
Namaste
Paul
http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
WHEN YOU OWN THE CINEMA, YOU CHOOSE THE MOVIE
"The world is what you think it is." - Serge Kahili King
Humour me for a moment and just imagine that you’re in a cinema. Everything around you is dark apart from the screen that’s showing the latest blockbuster suspense thriller. You’re sat there wide-eyed, holding a piece of popcorn in front of your open mouth as if it’s frozen in time. It’s just getting to the really juicy bit – the girl is being followed, but by who? And what will be her fate when they catch her? She trips! The chilling music gets faster and louder; the camera zooms right in on the action. You hold your breath; your heart beats faster; you push back into your seat; the anticipation is almost too much to bear…..
And then all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, the music changes to the Benny Hill theme tune! The colour gets really bright and vivid, and the film speeds up to double time so that the characters start to move in a kind of comical fashion. Now, as you look up at that screen, no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to continue the feeling of fear or anxiety about what is unfolding in front of you. It just seems ridiculous.
I’ve used this kind of cinematic example many times before with my clients and workshop attendees, because it’s a perfect metaphor for understanding how our experience of life is created purely through the projection of our thoughts. Now, replace the movie of the girl being followed with that other movie of how everyone will laugh at you if you fail. Or how about the one where you know you’d be rubbish at a particular task so it’s not worth even attempting it? Or the one about your boss firing you; or the one about how someone might somehow expose you as being a fraud; or how your parents never take you seriously; or what ever movie you like to run on a regular basis.
Notice how compelling and realistic you make it, and as you replay the scene over and over, pay attention to how you begin to feel in response.
But it’s just a movie; a thought.
If you knew that you were the Director of that movie what direction would you want to take it to make it more enjoyable to watch? Horror movies are great for entertainment, but when they are about your own life, that’s another story. Wouldn’t you rather be watching a ‘feel good’ classic?
One of the best explanations I’ve discovered for simplifying the whole subject of how our thoughts create our realities comes from the success coach, Michael Neill. He describes that there are three vital ingredients that must exist in order for us create a life-like experience of the world around us. They are Energy, Consciousness and Thought.
To understand the part that these three elements play let’s go back to that cinema, only this time I’ll meet you up in the projection booth. This is where the magic happens.
Consciousness is like the projector itself. It sheds lights onto whatever happens to be in front of it at the time, in this case a reel of film, and the result is the image that you see on the screen. It only ever shines the right amount of light to illuminate the area of that screen with everything remaining in darkness. To put it another way, if it’s not lit up, it’s unconscious.
Of course, nothing could be projected if the projector is not plugged in because it needs electricity. You provide the energy to your consciousness by simply being alive. Some would regard this energy as being your life-force, your essence, your soul or your spirit. You’re plugged in!!
Thought is the reel of film itself. We each have thousands of thoughts every day, most of which glide by harmlessly in the background of our awareness, but some make it to the front of the projector. They get illuminated and magnified larger than life onto that big screen, complete with panoramic and Technicolor qualities and dramatic score and sound effects. Before long you are gripped by the emotional impact of the compelling plot, this is real on-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff.
But here’s the thing. What if you don’t like the movie? It’s no good going up to the screen and trying to get it to change from there. No amount of shouting at the characters or being frustrated with the storyline is going to alter the ending; that has already been decided. The world doesn’t care what thoughts you project out onto it, in the same way that a screen doesn’t care what images is cast onto it.
The only way to swap this movie for a better one - say a comedy or a romance or one where the good guy always wins - is to realise that that up there in the projection booth is a library of film to suit any taste. All you need to do is go up there, select the one you’d like to watch and put it in front of your projector.
When you own the cinema, you get to choose the movie, and the quality of the movie you choose determines the quality of your life. So wouldn’t it be a good idea to start getting really picky about what you want to watch?
Homework:
Be a film critic this week. Plan to check-in with yourself at least a couple of times a day and review the kind of movies you are running in your head. Are they ones you’d pay good money to see, or would they win ‘Worst Picture’ at The Raspberry Awards. If they are more “boo-hiss” than “bravo”, change them for better ones. It's that simple!
You might want to take it a step further and decide to play the leading part in the most wonderful adaptation of your life.
Have an amazing week.
Namaste,
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Humour me for a moment and just imagine that you’re in a cinema. Everything around you is dark apart from the screen that’s showing the latest blockbuster suspense thriller. You’re sat there wide-eyed, holding a piece of popcorn in front of your open mouth as if it’s frozen in time. It’s just getting to the really juicy bit – the girl is being followed, but by who? And what will be her fate when they catch her? She trips! The chilling music gets faster and louder; the camera zooms right in on the action. You hold your breath; your heart beats faster; you push back into your seat; the anticipation is almost too much to bear…..
And then all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, the music changes to the Benny Hill theme tune! The colour gets really bright and vivid, and the film speeds up to double time so that the characters start to move in a kind of comical fashion. Now, as you look up at that screen, no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to continue the feeling of fear or anxiety about what is unfolding in front of you. It just seems ridiculous.
I’ve used this kind of cinematic example many times before with my clients and workshop attendees, because it’s a perfect metaphor for understanding how our experience of life is created purely through the projection of our thoughts. Now, replace the movie of the girl being followed with that other movie of how everyone will laugh at you if you fail. Or how about the one where you know you’d be rubbish at a particular task so it’s not worth even attempting it? Or the one about your boss firing you; or the one about how someone might somehow expose you as being a fraud; or how your parents never take you seriously; or what ever movie you like to run on a regular basis.
Notice how compelling and realistic you make it, and as you replay the scene over and over, pay attention to how you begin to feel in response.
But it’s just a movie; a thought.
If you knew that you were the Director of that movie what direction would you want to take it to make it more enjoyable to watch? Horror movies are great for entertainment, but when they are about your own life, that’s another story. Wouldn’t you rather be watching a ‘feel good’ classic?
One of the best explanations I’ve discovered for simplifying the whole subject of how our thoughts create our realities comes from the success coach, Michael Neill. He describes that there are three vital ingredients that must exist in order for us create a life-like experience of the world around us. They are Energy, Consciousness and Thought.
To understand the part that these three elements play let’s go back to that cinema, only this time I’ll meet you up in the projection booth. This is where the magic happens.
Consciousness is like the projector itself. It sheds lights onto whatever happens to be in front of it at the time, in this case a reel of film, and the result is the image that you see on the screen. It only ever shines the right amount of light to illuminate the area of that screen with everything remaining in darkness. To put it another way, if it’s not lit up, it’s unconscious.
Of course, nothing could be projected if the projector is not plugged in because it needs electricity. You provide the energy to your consciousness by simply being alive. Some would regard this energy as being your life-force, your essence, your soul or your spirit. You’re plugged in!!
Thought is the reel of film itself. We each have thousands of thoughts every day, most of which glide by harmlessly in the background of our awareness, but some make it to the front of the projector. They get illuminated and magnified larger than life onto that big screen, complete with panoramic and Technicolor qualities and dramatic score and sound effects. Before long you are gripped by the emotional impact of the compelling plot, this is real on-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff.
But here’s the thing. What if you don’t like the movie? It’s no good going up to the screen and trying to get it to change from there. No amount of shouting at the characters or being frustrated with the storyline is going to alter the ending; that has already been decided. The world doesn’t care what thoughts you project out onto it, in the same way that a screen doesn’t care what images is cast onto it.
The only way to swap this movie for a better one - say a comedy or a romance or one where the good guy always wins - is to realise that that up there in the projection booth is a library of film to suit any taste. All you need to do is go up there, select the one you’d like to watch and put it in front of your projector.
When you own the cinema, you get to choose the movie, and the quality of the movie you choose determines the quality of your life. So wouldn’t it be a good idea to start getting really picky about what you want to watch?
Homework:
Be a film critic this week. Plan to check-in with yourself at least a couple of times a day and review the kind of movies you are running in your head. Are they ones you’d pay good money to see, or would they win ‘Worst Picture’ at The Raspberry Awards. If they are more “boo-hiss” than “bravo”, change them for better ones. It's that simple!
You might want to take it a step further and decide to play the leading part in the most wonderful adaptation of your life.
Have an amazing week.
Namaste,
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Monday, February 23, 2009
Having Hindsight Ahead of Time
There seems to be an unwritten rule that states if you are going to be taken seriously in the field of personal development as a therapist, coach or trainer, then you have to have been completely screwed up at least once in your life!
Well, I’m not convinced that this is absolutely necessary but, to be on the safe, you might be glad to know that, yes, life hasn’t always been as rosy for me as it is right now. Not that you’d be glad that I was miserable (I hope), but that I can speak from experience about pulling myself up by the bootstraps to create a life that far exceeds any level of happiness I had previously thought possible.
I’ll bore you with the details another time, but I well remember a period in my life when I was broke, alone, with no fixed address, completely depressed and filled with thoughts of ending it all. I really couldn’t see a way out of the dark hole I was in; my problems seemed to suffocate me like a heavy black curtain. But the most significant thing about this whole episode is that, looking back now, I wouldn’t change a second of it.
If it wasn’t for that time and all the experiences that went along with it I definitely would not be sat here writing this for you now.
I have nothing but gratitude for the opportunity I was given to face up to life’s challenges and to grow beyond measure. But did I know at the time that I’d be looking back now with a smile on my face and a deep sense of richness and lust for life? Of course not.
Back then my issues seemed too big to peer over; they were all-encompassing. The question I asked myself was “why is this happening?” rather than “what am I learning?” Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it teaches us time and time again that there are hidden lessons in our suffering.
I know it’s an old cliché but what doesn’t kill you certainly does make you stronger, because of what you learn. When the light is cast on those secret inner strengths you have it is impossible to poke them back under the surface and pretend that they are not there, because they instantly form an important part of a newer more evolved you. They become tools for your toolbox that can be selected and used whenever you need them again in the future. The knowledge that you have those tools is what gives you that sense of certainty that if you had to face the same situation again you’d be ok.
If only we could recognise the lessons we are being taught at the time of going through those rough patches. Well, what’s to stop us?
Time is a very funny thing, if for no other reason than that it is entirely a figment of our imagination. That being the case, we are as affected by our thoughts of time as we are by the actual experience of time, and this can be very useful indeed.
It means we have the ability to project our thoughts out into the future and imagine what it would be like to look back at this moment (now) as an older and wiser version of ourselves. How cool is that?
It’s amazing what changes can happen to your perception of a problem when you know how to shift your thinking to an entirely different position.
Much of the work I do with people is based on the simple principle that the human mind cannot tell the difference between an actual event and one that is vividly imagined. By thinking of yourself from a future stand point, having already come through the other side of what you are currently experiencing, your mind has to go through the process of coding that thought as an actual experience; a memory of the future! A memory in which you are able to clearly see how a current challenge will have helped you to grow and develop into a stronger, wiser version of you.
Most of the problems we face in life are not what we think they are. Most of our problems stem from us not being able to see that we are growing. Growing simply means learning something we didn’t know before.
When you hold onto the notion that “right here, right now” (which is all we ever have) is only a lesson for making the future better than today, you have to conclude that, you know what? You’re going to be ok.
Today’s Homework:
You don’t have to be going through any particular difficulty in your life to have a great time doing this exercise, but if you are, then you might want to give this your full attention o)
1, Take a moment to close your eyes and let yourself relax.
2, Imagine that you can float out of your body and travel off into the future where you re-enter the body of your older, wiser self.
3, Realize that as you look back you are really happy and satisfied with the life you have led. You acknowledge that it has not always been plain sailing but that the challenges you have met along the way have been the source of your strength and have provided the positive lessons you need to master.
4, As the future you, think back to the time you are ‘visiting’ from and understand why that was such an important period for you and your development. Think of at least three ways in which you are better off because of it (even though you may not have recognised it that the time!!). E.g. “Ah yes, I remember that time. I’m grateful for losing my job back then because it made me evaluate what is really important to me. I got to develop a much healthier attitude towards money which set me on a whole new path that has allowed me to be a better more positive expression of the real me.”
5, Stay with it for as long as you need to and when you’ve got a good feeling about how that challenge needed to happen in the way it did in order to contribute to the bigger, more positive picture of your life, rise out of the future you and float back in time to rejoin yourself in the present moment.
6, Holding onto that deeper sense of inner knowing, get on with the rest of your day with the realization that you’re living the lessons you need to learn for your amazing future.
Warm wishes
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Well, I’m not convinced that this is absolutely necessary but, to be on the safe, you might be glad to know that, yes, life hasn’t always been as rosy for me as it is right now. Not that you’d be glad that I was miserable (I hope), but that I can speak from experience about pulling myself up by the bootstraps to create a life that far exceeds any level of happiness I had previously thought possible.
I’ll bore you with the details another time, but I well remember a period in my life when I was broke, alone, with no fixed address, completely depressed and filled with thoughts of ending it all. I really couldn’t see a way out of the dark hole I was in; my problems seemed to suffocate me like a heavy black curtain. But the most significant thing about this whole episode is that, looking back now, I wouldn’t change a second of it.
If it wasn’t for that time and all the experiences that went along with it I definitely would not be sat here writing this for you now.
I have nothing but gratitude for the opportunity I was given to face up to life’s challenges and to grow beyond measure. But did I know at the time that I’d be looking back now with a smile on my face and a deep sense of richness and lust for life? Of course not.
Back then my issues seemed too big to peer over; they were all-encompassing. The question I asked myself was “why is this happening?” rather than “what am I learning?” Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it teaches us time and time again that there are hidden lessons in our suffering.
I know it’s an old cliché but what doesn’t kill you certainly does make you stronger, because of what you learn. When the light is cast on those secret inner strengths you have it is impossible to poke them back under the surface and pretend that they are not there, because they instantly form an important part of a newer more evolved you. They become tools for your toolbox that can be selected and used whenever you need them again in the future. The knowledge that you have those tools is what gives you that sense of certainty that if you had to face the same situation again you’d be ok.
If only we could recognise the lessons we are being taught at the time of going through those rough patches. Well, what’s to stop us?
Time is a very funny thing, if for no other reason than that it is entirely a figment of our imagination. That being the case, we are as affected by our thoughts of time as we are by the actual experience of time, and this can be very useful indeed.
It means we have the ability to project our thoughts out into the future and imagine what it would be like to look back at this moment (now) as an older and wiser version of ourselves. How cool is that?
It’s amazing what changes can happen to your perception of a problem when you know how to shift your thinking to an entirely different position.
Much of the work I do with people is based on the simple principle that the human mind cannot tell the difference between an actual event and one that is vividly imagined. By thinking of yourself from a future stand point, having already come through the other side of what you are currently experiencing, your mind has to go through the process of coding that thought as an actual experience; a memory of the future! A memory in which you are able to clearly see how a current challenge will have helped you to grow and develop into a stronger, wiser version of you.
Most of the problems we face in life are not what we think they are. Most of our problems stem from us not being able to see that we are growing. Growing simply means learning something we didn’t know before.
When you hold onto the notion that “right here, right now” (which is all we ever have) is only a lesson for making the future better than today, you have to conclude that, you know what? You’re going to be ok.
Today’s Homework:
You don’t have to be going through any particular difficulty in your life to have a great time doing this exercise, but if you are, then you might want to give this your full attention o)
1, Take a moment to close your eyes and let yourself relax.
2, Imagine that you can float out of your body and travel off into the future where you re-enter the body of your older, wiser self.
3, Realize that as you look back you are really happy and satisfied with the life you have led. You acknowledge that it has not always been plain sailing but that the challenges you have met along the way have been the source of your strength and have provided the positive lessons you need to master.
4, As the future you, think back to the time you are ‘visiting’ from and understand why that was such an important period for you and your development. Think of at least three ways in which you are better off because of it (even though you may not have recognised it that the time!!). E.g. “Ah yes, I remember that time. I’m grateful for losing my job back then because it made me evaluate what is really important to me. I got to develop a much healthier attitude towards money which set me on a whole new path that has allowed me to be a better more positive expression of the real me.”
5, Stay with it for as long as you need to and when you’ve got a good feeling about how that challenge needed to happen in the way it did in order to contribute to the bigger, more positive picture of your life, rise out of the future you and float back in time to rejoin yourself in the present moment.
6, Holding onto that deeper sense of inner knowing, get on with the rest of your day with the realization that you’re living the lessons you need to learn for your amazing future.
Warm wishes
Paul
www.life-happens.co.uk
Monday, November 17, 2008
NLP HELPS WOMAN OVERCOME STAGE FRIGHT
Even the people we consider to be the best in the business (whatever their field may be) are prone to mental sabotage sometimes. Many top entertainers and performers with years of experiences still go through the same old routine of “bricking it” before going on stage. Now, obviously in most cases there is no logical rationale as to why they should still get nervous, after all they are still in the business because the public love them. The reason why these pre-performance jitters continue to exist is because these individuals are anchored an automatic pattern of behaviour that lets them know its time to perform.
You’ve probably heard of actors redirecting their nervous energy into their performance and this can often bring them greater successful. For other talented people though, the mind plays such a tormenting game that they simply freeze and cannot function at all. Stage fright is common and also very understandable. As this article shows (from the 3News website) the key to overcoming it is to interrupt the automatic limiting behaviour and to install more calming and positive response choices. NLP is great for that!!
www.lifehappens.co.uk
You’ve probably heard of actors redirecting their nervous energy into their performance and this can often bring them greater successful. For other talented people though, the mind plays such a tormenting game that they simply freeze and cannot function at all. Stage fright is common and also very understandable. As this article shows (from the 3News website) the key to overcoming it is to interrupt the automatic limiting behaviour and to install more calming and positive response choices. NLP is great for that!!
Most of us have suffered from stage fright to some extent. When people are
asked what they fear the most, speaking or singing in public is often rated in
the top 10.
Edwina Halliwell always loved amateur dramatics and singing, but in her
teens a horrible audition changed everything.
Two years ago she had planned to sing for her husband at their wedding.
Again the nerves returned and she froze.
Campbell Live followed Ms Halliwell on a personal journey to enter the
spotlight once more, as she prepared to enter her kind of hell by walking onto
the stage at the comedy classic in Auckland.
She is usually a bubbly, confident person, until I ask her to stand on
the stage.
"Feel really nervous, legs are like jelly," she says. "I
just want to get off the stage."
Many famous performers have suffered from
stage fright. At the peak of Sir Laurence Olivier's career he became worried he
would be too tired to remember his lines. Barbara Streisand did not sing in
public for 27 years after forgetting the lines to several songs at a concert in
1967.
Fifteen years ago Ms Halliwell loved performing and singing until she
went to an audition and froze when she tried to sing.
Karen Ross knows what she is going through. Ms Ross uses NLP or
neuro-linguistic programming techniques to help individuals and
organisations, here and overseas, change their behaviours.
It is about the brain and how it works with the body.
"It's about how we learn, our behaviours, our thoughts, our feelings,
our habits are created, and by knowing how they're created we know how we can
change them," says Ms Ross.
At the moment Ms Halliwell associates the stage
with fear.
"The way it's stored can be changed quite easily," says Ms Ross. "It
was probably set up in a matter of seconds, so that gives you can idea of how
quickly it can be changed," says Ms Ross.
First she helps Ms Halliwell
imagine what it will be like when she is performing and enjoying it. She then
introduces the idea of a 'trigger point' to help her relax.
Ms Ross identifies a point on Ms Halliwell's hand and connects that to a
sense of calm. She encourages Ms Halliwell to touch that point when nerves start
to take over.
But will it make a difference? Two weeks later we went
back.
It went "really well", says Ms Ross. "We've had two sessions together
and she's ready to sing."
So ready, she headed to the Ivory Lounge in
Auckland, determined to sing for her husband Duncan, something she had wanted to
do at their wedding two years before.
And as quickly as it came, her stage
fright disappeared. She sang to her husband, and while the nerves were still
there, the person who could not even stand on a stage was now singing to an
audience.
It was an incredible change, and even she could not quite believe it.
"Oh my god, I can't believe that, it's just amazing."
The therapy had helped Ms Halliwell confront her fear, and changed the
feelings associated with performing in public.
"When I'm working with a client I can't be sure until we make some
changes, whether that one thing will generalise and help the person feel relaxed
with everything or there might be more than one thing," says Ms Ross. "And in
Edwina's case, it was one thing."
"The difference between before the coaching and after is now, I really
just wanted to do it and I didn't care what it sounded like, it was just really
important for me to do it," says Ms Halliwell. "And it was just such a dream to
get up and sing in front of all those people."
It might not have been her
greatest performance but it was certainly one of, what she hopes, will be many
more.
"It's been really great to see and watch the confidence build up," says
her husband Duncan. "You couldn't hold her back this evening, which is a major
transformation from where it's been before."
www.lifehappens.co.uk
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
IS NLP HERE TO STAY?
There has been a long running debate in the field of psychology as to whether neuro-linguistic programming is just another personal development fad or if it is a revolution in the understanding of human behaviour that is here to stay.
Even as an NLP practitioner I think this is a very healthy debate to have. I am absolutely convinced that NLP provides positive life transformations when applied in the way its creators intended it to be used; I have seen it happen time and time again with my own clients. However, many people have a distorted view of what NLP is all about because their exposure to it has come in the form of inexperienced ‘dabblers’ who have missed the point.
I have attended many trainings and seminars where NLP is cited as one of the methods being employed, but then the facilitators only go on to talk about concepts and presuppositions. NLP is something that needs to be experienced before it can be completely understood. I could talk all day about how the mind makes associations and links emotions to external stimulus and you would either buy into it or you wouldn’t. However, if I were to guide you through a physical Anchoring technique that allowed you to access a positive emotional state anytime you wanted in the future you would have no choice but to see the truth of how NLP is aligned to the way you work. Only when we have a true experience of something can we stop having opinions about theories and start utilizing the tested facts.
I genuinely think that if I had never experienced NLP first hand, in its intended form, I would be one of the skeptics who think it is a fluffy gimmick passed its sell by date. The fact that I have experienced it, on too many occasions to count, means I can see why NLP is going to continue growing, evolving and changing lives.
This is a fascinating article by Mike Levy on the Training Zone website:
LIFE HAPPENS: visit me any time as www.life-happens.co.uk
Even as an NLP practitioner I think this is a very healthy debate to have. I am absolutely convinced that NLP provides positive life transformations when applied in the way its creators intended it to be used; I have seen it happen time and time again with my own clients. However, many people have a distorted view of what NLP is all about because their exposure to it has come in the form of inexperienced ‘dabblers’ who have missed the point.
I have attended many trainings and seminars where NLP is cited as one of the methods being employed, but then the facilitators only go on to talk about concepts and presuppositions. NLP is something that needs to be experienced before it can be completely understood. I could talk all day about how the mind makes associations and links emotions to external stimulus and you would either buy into it or you wouldn’t. However, if I were to guide you through a physical Anchoring technique that allowed you to access a positive emotional state anytime you wanted in the future you would have no choice but to see the truth of how NLP is aligned to the way you work. Only when we have a true experience of something can we stop having opinions about theories and start utilizing the tested facts.
I genuinely think that if I had never experienced NLP first hand, in its intended form, I would be one of the skeptics who think it is a fluffy gimmick passed its sell by date. The fact that I have experienced it, on too many occasions to count, means I can see why NLP is going to continue growing, evolving and changing lives.
This is a fascinating article by Mike Levy on the Training Zone website:
In his recent book, 'Tricks of the Mind' television
illusionist Derren Brown says that NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) is "The
Frankenstein grandchild of Ericksonian hypnosis". More than 30 years after the
publication of 'The Structure of Magic', the seminal work on NLP by Bandler and
Grinder, has the set of techniques come of age or had its day? Is there any
scientific proof to underpin the claims made by practitioners? And if not, does
it matter?
Evergreen questionsThese, says Michael Breen, are
evergreen questions: "They were asking them back in 1988 and they come up every
10 years or so." Breen, who taught NLP with Bandler and Paul McKenna, has
predictably strong views about the current state of NLP. "It's no use asking
about scientific validity: NLP is not and never will be a science. It is a
discipline that people will take pot shots at and then steal its contents."
Breen who spoke at last year's NLP Conference, says that the
discipline does not look for absolute truths: "NLP looks for clues to see what
works in human behaviour. NLP cannot be controlled – the best new work is coming
from people nobody has heard of. And that is how it should be."
Elusive qualityThere is, says Breen, an inbuilt and elusive
quality about NLP which depends hugely on the skills and insights of the
practitioner: "It is not about a corpus of knowledge or a set of testable
qualifications. NLP was created to create new stuff, not to copy other people's
work."
His point is that for him, NLP is a facilitating tool that
opens up endless possibilities when it is in the right hands. "It is a
behavioural skills set, an art, a discipline that when used well can have
amazing results."
What excites Breen most about his discipline is
what his students can do with the tools: "Someone who takes what they learn
about NLP and goes on to do something completely new with it: that is what
really turns me on." He cites a student who developed his own set of tools based
on Houdini's famous escapes. "It's a lovely little tool and it works – that is
NLP."
"The best practitioners are those who already possess
competencies that can be built on. However, no two practitioners should ever do
the same work. That is why NLP is not a science."
Flourishing in
the downturnSue Knight, best-selling author of 'NLP at Work', agrees: "NLP is a
study of what works best – the most important test is: does it work for you and
achieve the results you want?" Knight, a speaker at this year's NLP Conference,
thinks that the discipline is flourishing with the present downturn providing
new and exciting opportunities.
"NLP is perfectly suited to these
times. What makes excellence in leadership and how do we best deal with business
adversity are some key questions today. My programmes on leadership here and in
India are bursting at the seams. The crash in the financial world is a
demonstration of what happens when you do not have excellence in leadership.
People are now looking for new ways of leading business. NLP answers that call."
Never strongerFor Knight, NLP is now far from marginal: "Looking
back over 20 years as a practitioner, there was a time when most people on my
courses paid for themselves – now almost all are backed by their employers." So
Knight believes that NLP has never been stronger.
Marielena
Sabatier, co-founder of Inspiring Potential, agrees with that view. She is
another keen advocate of NLP. A few years ago, she took her MBA and immersed
herself in the no-nonsense world of high corporate finance. Then came a complete
change of career – running a thriving coaching company whose focus is leadership
development and interpersonal communication skills. But isn't NLP a little too
fluffy for her? "Not at all. It has so many uses – improving inter-personal
communications, challenging the presuppositions behind the way we see ourselves
in the world, helping us to become more tolerant of other people's viewpoints. I
find that NLP really opens the mind to new possibilities."
Lack of
evidence?Is she worried then at the lack of hard scientific evidence behind NLP?
"No, it is an amalgam of already tried and tested therapies and ideas. To me,
NLP really explains how the brain works – and I'm the kind of person who, if it
doesn't make sense, I go back to the roots of an idea." That said, Sabbatier
regrets the sheer number of NLP schools out there: "It makes a single
accreditation body less, rather than more, likely to succeed."
No
profession!Accreditation is something of an anathema to Breen but he is excited
about the future of NLP: "Not in terms of more paper qualifications. There
should never be an NLP 'profession'. Without all that NLP has reached the point
where it has percolated through the culture," he says. "It is everywhere but it
doesn't necessarily smell like NLP – and that is exactly as it should be. NLP is
essentially about transformation and in that quality, the very nature of NLP
must keep evolving and transforming."
The future, says Breen, will
be online – NLP will be democratised and that could be bad news for traditional
classroom approaches. New technology will hit the NLP profession very hard –
putting learning into the hands of the learners will mean that NLP will change
its form, content and mode of delivery." Breen, for one, cannot wait for the
next 30 years.
For more information:For those looking for research
underpinning NLP, there are a number of respected papers such as the one
produced by Ashley Dowlen, an Associate at Roffey Park. His 1996 paper 'NLP -
help or hype? Investigating the uses of neuro-linguistic programming in
management learning' is a good overview of the evidence. He finds that, "...the
use of language patterns to enhance effective communication tends to get support
and appears to be among the more reliable evidence. The use of the 'outcome'
technique receives some support, as does the meta-model questioning method. The
evidence on the ability of NLP approaches to bring about change in emotional
state is far less conclusive. In general terms, the eclectic nature of NLP may
be its strength, particularly if the collection of approaches is new to
potential users, and in general terms there are a number of references to the
value of NLP techniques for developers."
For the whole report see
the Emerald Insight web page: www.emeraldinsight.com
There are more research findings at: www.eanlpt.orgAnd www.inspiritive.com.au
About the interviewer: Mike Levy is a freelance journalist and
copywriter with 20 years' experience. He is also a writing and presentations
coach. He especially loves playwriting and creating resources for schools. Mike
is director of Write Start Ltd. For more information go to: www.writestart.co.uk
LIFE HAPPENS: visit me any time as www.life-happens.co.uk
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” - Henry Ford
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
QUICK TIP FOR EXERCISE MOTIVATION
Every so often I like to contribute to some of the various online personal development forums that are out there. I find them to be a great source of inspiration - getting other people's views and tips for living positively - and it’s also a great way for me to offer my own help to people I would probably never get to meet in person. The following is a really quick visualization technique I posted on the Morning Coach Forum today (www.morningcoach.com) in response to a lady who was experiencing a lack of motivation for going to the gym.
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A SHORT EXPLANATION OF NLP
Although Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed over three decades ago, it is only in recent years that the world is beginning to discover why it is one of the most powerful methods for creating positive and lasting change in individuals. NLP is unique in that it focuses exclusively on how the results we achieve in our lives are determined by the way we communicate with ourselves internally (also referred to as internal states).
NLP can be translated as:
Neuro = Your Nervous System (the mind & body working together)
Linguistic = Language & Communication (verbal & non-verbal)
Programming = The process used to achieve consistent results
Therefore NLP is the methodology of learning to communicate with your nervous system in a way that consistently produces the results you desire. In other words, it’s knowing how to run your own brain to get what you want in a way that’s right for you.
You see, in order to have any experience in life and know whether it’s good or bad you have to communicate with yourself, and it’s the specific way in which you do this that determines the quality of your experience. Often, the difference between someone who thinks they can do something and someone who thinks they can’t is the way they represent the situation to themselves in their minds.
When working with clients I use a range of NLP techniques to help them access their most resourceful states and identify a strategy for resolving their problems in an easy and positive way. This can often create a high level of self awareness that typically leads to improvements in other areas of their life too.
Try out this simple exercise and experience how NLP can be used to generate a positive state in you: How to feel great on purpose.
NLP can be translated as:
Neuro = Your Nervous System (the mind & body working together)
Linguistic = Language & Communication (verbal & non-verbal)
Programming = The process used to achieve consistent results
Therefore NLP is the methodology of learning to communicate with your nervous system in a way that consistently produces the results you desire. In other words, it’s knowing how to run your own brain to get what you want in a way that’s right for you.
You see, in order to have any experience in life and know whether it’s good or bad you have to communicate with yourself, and it’s the specific way in which you do this that determines the quality of your experience. Often, the difference between someone who thinks they can do something and someone who thinks they can’t is the way they represent the situation to themselves in their minds.
When working with clients I use a range of NLP techniques to help them access their most resourceful states and identify a strategy for resolving their problems in an easy and positive way. This can often create a high level of self awareness that typically leads to improvements in other areas of their life too.
Try out this simple exercise and experience how NLP can be used to generate a positive state in you: How to feel great on purpose.
Friday, September 12, 2008
GETTING MOTIVATED TO BE A HAPPY HEALTHY NON-SMOKER
Many people talk with me about stopping smoking as they have tired to quit, sometimes many times, in the past and found it just too difficult; traumatic even. Maybe you’ve caught yourself feeling secretly jealous of friends or family members who have already successfully quit cigarettes and wondered how they managed to be so strong willed. No doubt you’ve heard people say “you’ll quit when you’re ready”, and of course this is absolutely true. But what is it that causes someone to be ready? What needs to take place inside of you to ensure that achieving a life free from cigarettes is approached with 100% commitment?
The answer is simply having the right kind of motivation.
Now this may seem an obvious statement, but the key difference between those who stop smoking easily and those who fall at the first hurdle is the direction in which their minds are focused.
The fact is you can achieve just about anything in life, including becoming a non-smoker, provided there is enough leverage to drive your desire for change. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is overcome challenges when you are excited about the rewards of success?
Imagine that your motivation to quit cigarettes is like a set of balancing scales. On one side is your desire to carry on smoking (including the fears you associate with stopping) and on the other side are all the rewards and benefits of being a non-smoker. The focus of your mind adds weight to one side or the other and will determine which way the scales tip.
The problem that many people find when trying to stop smoking is they do not give themselves compelling enough reasons to tip the scales in favour of success. Of course on an intellectual level they know why they “should” stop, but their imagination is focused on how terrible it is to go without their fix, like running a mini disaster movie in their mind. As soon as there is a feeling of uneasiness, their automatic motivation is to feel better as quickly as possible, and this often results in lighting up.
People who successfully become non-smokers do so by knowing exactly how they want to benefit from quitting. They vividly imagine how great their lives will be without cigarettes. They immerse their senses in how wonderful it will feel to break the habit. They see themselves living a better life as a non-smoker and really associate into the positive sensations. Quite literally the motivation to be a non-smoker out-weighs the temptation to remain the same, even when in challenging situations.
So here is a powerful exercise for you to experience that focuses you on wanting to become a healthy, happy non-smoker. If you give this process your full attention you may well find that are motivated to stop smoking as soon as possible
CHOOSING YOUR FUTURE
It is best to read through these instructions once before carrying out each step. This exercise requires you to use your full imagination and it’s usually helpful to close your eyes, so please ensure you are in a situation where it’s safe and appropriate to do so.
1> In your mind imagine that in front of you there are two paths laid parallel to each other, stretching off into the distance, each representing alternative futures. The path on your left depicts the rest of your life should you choose NOT to quit smoking. The path on your right represents the positive ways your life improves by committing to stop smoking now.
2> Imagine taking a step forward onto the left path and arriving one month into the future (if you have the space you could even take a physical step forward). See yourself in a typical situation in a month’s time knowing that you have continued to smoke in the usual way. If you are imagining looking AT yourself, like a third party observer, mentally step into your body so you see though your own eyes. Notice everything about the situation. See what you see and hear what you hear, and as you think about the fact that you are still smoking notice exactly how you feel inside. At this stage the emotional effects might be quite small but you’ll probably start to feel disappointment that you have not quit. Really let yourself experience the event like it is actually happening now.
As the reality of the situation begins to grow, notice that beside you is a pile of cigarette butts, one for every time you smoked over the last four weeks. Really imagine what that looks like. How does it smell? How do you feel to realise that the harmful poisons and tar from each one of those cigarettes is there right inside you? Stay with this for a while before moving onto the next step.
3> Now imagine taking another step along the path, this time arriving six months into the future. Your body has had to endure another half year of harm and attack from tobacco smoke. Again, notice everything you can about where you are and what you are doing. Now vividly think about how yet another six months of smoking as impacted your life. How has your health changed? What has smoking prevented you from doing? How does it affect your relationships? Imagine a stack of all the money you have wasted on cigarettes, over there, beyond your reach (what could you have done with that?). Now look down at that pile of cigarettes butts and notice how much it has grown. Sense how the smell has increased and gets into your nose and throat. Spend a few moments really associating with what another six months of smoking has changed for you.
4> Now, taking another step, find yourself one year in the future. Still seeing through your own eyes and hearing what you hear, take in every detail you notice about the situation you are in. Experience it like it’s happening now. How are you feeling about still smoking one year on? How is your health impacted now? Think about the effects on you relationships. What you are not able to do because of smoking? That pile of wasted money over there has doubled and so has the mountain of cigarette butts which is now covering your feet and climbing up your legs. How disgusting does that look to you? Feel the pungent smell in you nose and throat and know that your body has felt the effects of every single one of those cigarettes you have smoked. Linger on this sensation of while before moving on.
5> It’s time to really turn things up. Take another step along the path to arrive five years into the future. It might feel uncomfortable but it’s important that you immerse yourself in situation as fully as you can. What has five years of continuing to smoke done to your life? What are the impacts on you health now? How does it feel to be in a social minority, now that there are so few places you are allowed to smoke? What has smoking taken away from you? Feel every sensation as intensely as possible. Look at all of that money over there - hundreds, maybe even thousands in crisp notes – and imagine someone setting fire to the whole lot, just leaving you with that immense mountain of filthy cigarette butts, completely surrounding you. How does it smell now? How has your body suffered through smoking all of those cigarettes?
If you can stand it why not take a few more steps further into this future - 10, 20, 30 years - even go right to the end of the path and get a real sense of the damage smoking will do to many aspects of your life.
6> When you're done, come back in time to the present day and consider whether or not you want your real future to resemble what you have just experienced.
7> Now for the good part!! With your full imagination take a step forward onto the right path and go one month into the future from today. Use your mind to vividly represent a realistic situation of what it would be like to have been a non-smoker for a whole four weeks, seeing everything through your own eyes. What are the most immediate positive changes you notice straight away. Maybe there is a strong sense of pride or even relief that finally you've done it. Maybe you notice you're already breathing a lot better, or your skin looks healthier. Imagine people congratulating you on doing so well. Notice every good detail let the wonderful feelings spread throughout your body. At this point squeeze the thumb and forefinger of one hand together (this will begin to set a powerful unconscious association between the physical sensation in your fingers and your positive emotional state).
8> Take another step and move to the six month mark. You've been a non-smoker for half a year! What have you been able to achieve as a non-smoker that you could not do before? Notice how much healthier you look and feel. Maybe you're appreciating your heightened sense of taste and smell. Connect with you're new found vitality and be aware of how calmly and confidently you behave in situations where you used to be distracted by the need for cigarettes. How are you standing (or sitting)? Let yourself feel an amazing sense of accomplishment and healthiness. And, of course, don't forget to keep your eye on that growing pile of cash that has been generated by your decision to be a non-smoker. Take those great feelings inside of you and turn them up as much as you possibly can, then squeeze your thumb as forefinger together once more.
9> Now take step a into your one year anniversary. Really associate into how great it feels to have been free from nicotine for a whole twelve months. In what fantastic ways have your life improved by being a non-smoker for this long? Maybe you are doing something to celebrate your achievement. How are you enjoying your increased health and aliveness? Who else in your life is proud of you for doing such a good thing? That pile of money just there has doubled. What do you want to use it for? Let yourself experience anything else that comes to mind and take some time to really let the positive feelings grow within you, then press that thumb and forefinger together once more.
10> Now let your creative imagination take you another step further – five years in to the future. What have you been able to achieve in your life that could not have been achieved as a person chained to nicotine? The thought of cigarettes are probably now just a dim and distant memory. Let yourself fully experience how pleased and delighted you are about being one of the world’s happy non-smokers; fit and healthy and totally in control of your thoughts and actions. What would that pile of money look like now? Allow your imagination to make this situation as desirable and compelling as possible. Maybe you can glance to your left and see that other version of you on the left hand path still struggling and suffering at the mercy of tobacco and nicotine. Let this fuel the positive feelings inside of you now and turn them up as much as you can. Now squeeze that thumb and forefinger together again.
You can go even further into the future if you want to, but when you’re ready open your eyes and come back to the present moment.
If you have allowed yourself to do this exercise with your full and positive participation you should now be noticing a dramatic increase in your desire to be a non-smoker. This kind of motivation is what it takes to be ready to quit cigarettes with commitment and determination. You’ve now given your subconscious mind a clear goal to aim for by tipping the scales in favour of success. You have also set an “anchor” between the desire for being a non-smoker and the sensation of squeezing of your thumb and forefinger together. This means you can trigger these helpful feelings again and again to keep your focus where it needs to be at any time. Try it, it really works!!
The answer is simply having the right kind of motivation.
Now this may seem an obvious statement, but the key difference between those who stop smoking easily and those who fall at the first hurdle is the direction in which their minds are focused.
The fact is you can achieve just about anything in life, including becoming a non-smoker, provided there is enough leverage to drive your desire for change. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is overcome challenges when you are excited about the rewards of success?
Imagine that your motivation to quit cigarettes is like a set of balancing scales. On one side is your desire to carry on smoking (including the fears you associate with stopping) and on the other side are all the rewards and benefits of being a non-smoker. The focus of your mind adds weight to one side or the other and will determine which way the scales tip.
The problem that many people find when trying to stop smoking is they do not give themselves compelling enough reasons to tip the scales in favour of success. Of course on an intellectual level they know why they “should” stop, but their imagination is focused on how terrible it is to go without their fix, like running a mini disaster movie in their mind. As soon as there is a feeling of uneasiness, their automatic motivation is to feel better as quickly as possible, and this often results in lighting up.
People who successfully become non-smokers do so by knowing exactly how they want to benefit from quitting. They vividly imagine how great their lives will be without cigarettes. They immerse their senses in how wonderful it will feel to break the habit. They see themselves living a better life as a non-smoker and really associate into the positive sensations. Quite literally the motivation to be a non-smoker out-weighs the temptation to remain the same, even when in challenging situations.
So here is a powerful exercise for you to experience that focuses you on wanting to become a healthy, happy non-smoker. If you give this process your full attention you may well find that are motivated to stop smoking as soon as possible
CHOOSING YOUR FUTURE
It is best to read through these instructions once before carrying out each step. This exercise requires you to use your full imagination and it’s usually helpful to close your eyes, so please ensure you are in a situation where it’s safe and appropriate to do so.
1> In your mind imagine that in front of you there are two paths laid parallel to each other, stretching off into the distance, each representing alternative futures. The path on your left depicts the rest of your life should you choose NOT to quit smoking. The path on your right represents the positive ways your life improves by committing to stop smoking now.
2> Imagine taking a step forward onto the left path and arriving one month into the future (if you have the space you could even take a physical step forward). See yourself in a typical situation in a month’s time knowing that you have continued to smoke in the usual way. If you are imagining looking AT yourself, like a third party observer, mentally step into your body so you see though your own eyes. Notice everything about the situation. See what you see and hear what you hear, and as you think about the fact that you are still smoking notice exactly how you feel inside. At this stage the emotional effects might be quite small but you’ll probably start to feel disappointment that you have not quit. Really let yourself experience the event like it is actually happening now.
As the reality of the situation begins to grow, notice that beside you is a pile of cigarette butts, one for every time you smoked over the last four weeks. Really imagine what that looks like. How does it smell? How do you feel to realise that the harmful poisons and tar from each one of those cigarettes is there right inside you? Stay with this for a while before moving onto the next step.
3> Now imagine taking another step along the path, this time arriving six months into the future. Your body has had to endure another half year of harm and attack from tobacco smoke. Again, notice everything you can about where you are and what you are doing. Now vividly think about how yet another six months of smoking as impacted your life. How has your health changed? What has smoking prevented you from doing? How does it affect your relationships? Imagine a stack of all the money you have wasted on cigarettes, over there, beyond your reach (what could you have done with that?). Now look down at that pile of cigarettes butts and notice how much it has grown. Sense how the smell has increased and gets into your nose and throat. Spend a few moments really associating with what another six months of smoking has changed for you.
4> Now, taking another step, find yourself one year in the future. Still seeing through your own eyes and hearing what you hear, take in every detail you notice about the situation you are in. Experience it like it’s happening now. How are you feeling about still smoking one year on? How is your health impacted now? Think about the effects on you relationships. What you are not able to do because of smoking? That pile of wasted money over there has doubled and so has the mountain of cigarette butts which is now covering your feet and climbing up your legs. How disgusting does that look to you? Feel the pungent smell in you nose and throat and know that your body has felt the effects of every single one of those cigarettes you have smoked. Linger on this sensation of while before moving on.
5> It’s time to really turn things up. Take another step along the path to arrive five years into the future. It might feel uncomfortable but it’s important that you immerse yourself in situation as fully as you can. What has five years of continuing to smoke done to your life? What are the impacts on you health now? How does it feel to be in a social minority, now that there are so few places you are allowed to smoke? What has smoking taken away from you? Feel every sensation as intensely as possible. Look at all of that money over there - hundreds, maybe even thousands in crisp notes – and imagine someone setting fire to the whole lot, just leaving you with that immense mountain of filthy cigarette butts, completely surrounding you. How does it smell now? How has your body suffered through smoking all of those cigarettes?
If you can stand it why not take a few more steps further into this future - 10, 20, 30 years - even go right to the end of the path and get a real sense of the damage smoking will do to many aspects of your life.
6> When you're done, come back in time to the present day and consider whether or not you want your real future to resemble what you have just experienced.
7> Now for the good part!! With your full imagination take a step forward onto the right path and go one month into the future from today. Use your mind to vividly represent a realistic situation of what it would be like to have been a non-smoker for a whole four weeks, seeing everything through your own eyes. What are the most immediate positive changes you notice straight away. Maybe there is a strong sense of pride or even relief that finally you've done it. Maybe you notice you're already breathing a lot better, or your skin looks healthier. Imagine people congratulating you on doing so well. Notice every good detail let the wonderful feelings spread throughout your body. At this point squeeze the thumb and forefinger of one hand together (this will begin to set a powerful unconscious association between the physical sensation in your fingers and your positive emotional state).
8> Take another step and move to the six month mark. You've been a non-smoker for half a year! What have you been able to achieve as a non-smoker that you could not do before? Notice how much healthier you look and feel. Maybe you're appreciating your heightened sense of taste and smell. Connect with you're new found vitality and be aware of how calmly and confidently you behave in situations where you used to be distracted by the need for cigarettes. How are you standing (or sitting)? Let yourself feel an amazing sense of accomplishment and healthiness. And, of course, don't forget to keep your eye on that growing pile of cash that has been generated by your decision to be a non-smoker. Take those great feelings inside of you and turn them up as much as you possibly can, then squeeze your thumb as forefinger together once more.
9> Now take step a into your one year anniversary. Really associate into how great it feels to have been free from nicotine for a whole twelve months. In what fantastic ways have your life improved by being a non-smoker for this long? Maybe you are doing something to celebrate your achievement. How are you enjoying your increased health and aliveness? Who else in your life is proud of you for doing such a good thing? That pile of money just there has doubled. What do you want to use it for? Let yourself experience anything else that comes to mind and take some time to really let the positive feelings grow within you, then press that thumb and forefinger together once more.
10> Now let your creative imagination take you another step further – five years in to the future. What have you been able to achieve in your life that could not have been achieved as a person chained to nicotine? The thought of cigarettes are probably now just a dim and distant memory. Let yourself fully experience how pleased and delighted you are about being one of the world’s happy non-smokers; fit and healthy and totally in control of your thoughts and actions. What would that pile of money look like now? Allow your imagination to make this situation as desirable and compelling as possible. Maybe you can glance to your left and see that other version of you on the left hand path still struggling and suffering at the mercy of tobacco and nicotine. Let this fuel the positive feelings inside of you now and turn them up as much as you can. Now squeeze that thumb and forefinger together again.
You can go even further into the future if you want to, but when you’re ready open your eyes and come back to the present moment.
If you have allowed yourself to do this exercise with your full and positive participation you should now be noticing a dramatic increase in your desire to be a non-smoker. This kind of motivation is what it takes to be ready to quit cigarettes with commitment and determination. You’ve now given your subconscious mind a clear goal to aim for by tipping the scales in favour of success. You have also set an “anchor” between the desire for being a non-smoker and the sensation of squeezing of your thumb and forefinger together. This means you can trigger these helpful feelings again and again to keep your focus where it needs to be at any time. Try it, it really works!!
Monday, January 14, 2008
NLP Technique: How to feel great on purpose
I always like sharing this technique with people who are new to NLP because, apart from being really easy to do, it exquisitely highlights that the way we represent things to ourselves determines our emotional states. This process works because the human nervous system cannot tell the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined.
Before you go ahead and enjoy feeling great, ensure you are in a situation where it is safe and appropriate to relax for a few moments and focus you attention inside. Read these instructions all the way through before carrying them out. It is best to be standing for this exercise:
1. Close your eyes and recall a time in your life when you felt really relaxed. Maybe you were on holiday, lying on a beach, or listening to soothing music whilst chilling out on a Sunday morning. If you can’t think of a time straight away imagine a made up scenario in which you are very relaxed. What ever that thought is for you just check to make sure it is a time when you feel totally carefree and calm inside.
2. Now, as you think of this, notice how you see the image in your mind. Whereabouts would it be in front of you if you could point to it? Is it to the right or left; top middle or bottom of your internal visual spectrum? Notice also if it is a still frame picture or are you watching it like a movie? Is it in colour or black and white? Do you see yourself in the picture from a third person perspective or are you looking at it through your own eyes? Take some time to notice everything you notice.
3. Next, imagine you can take this scene from where ever it currently is and blow it up in size so that it’s now larger than life right there in front of you. In fact let it surround you so that you can even see it in your peripheral vision. And as you do this, allow yourself to notice how it naturally intensifies those feelings of relaxation within you.
4. If have not done so already, imagine stepping into your body so that you are now seeing what you saw through your own eyes. Make the image as focused and bright as you can. Increase the colours so that they become strong and vivid. Also become aware of the relaxing sounds you can hear around you, turn the volume up and really feel that delightful sense of calmness growing within you.
5. Keep yourself in this scene while you notice whereabouts in your body you are feeling the most amount of comfort. Give that comfort a colour and imagine its glowing in that part of your body. Now, focus on that colour and let it begin to flow into to every other part of you, taking with it that wonderful sense of calmness and relaxation. Send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes and, as you let the feeling get stronger, press the thumb and forefinger of one hand together.
6. Now, keeping that thumb and forefinger pressed together and holding onto that good feeling, imagine that you are now in another time when you felt really HAPPY. This might be when you were having lots of fun and laughter with friends or being involved in something special. Maybe you achieved something you were very proud of. Again, see what you saw, hear what you heard and really feel how good it felt in that situation. Make the image as bright and colourful as you can and make the sounds louder and the feelings stronger. Really associate into the scene as if you are there right now and magnify that happy sensation so that it radiates to every fibre of your being.
7. Still with your thumb and finger pressed, jump to another time when you felt DEEP PLEASURE (I’m sure you don’t need me to make any suggestions). Let yourself really exaggerate everything you experienced and add this to all the other wonderful feelings you have being feeling so far.
8. You’re getting the idea! You can carry on like this, adding more and more positive resources, as many as you wish, all the time pressing you thumb and forefinger together, and when you can’t take anymore of feeling this great, open your eyes and relax.
By now you should be feeling fantastic, and isn’t it fascinating that you were able to do this simply by directing your thoughts in the right way? If you are wondering why I asked you press your thumb and forefinger together, the reason is simply that your unconscious mind has made a neuro-associative link between the emotions you felt and the sensation between your thumb and finger. This is known as an ‘anchor’.
In the same way that just hearing a particular song can bring back feelings of nostalgia, your new anchor, when pressed, can reconnect you to the positive feelings you created in this exercise. Why not test it now?
Anytime you want to feel more resourceful in the future you can trigger your anchor and feel great on purpose. By doing this you are learning to take control of your own brain and as with any skill the more you get to use it the stronger it will get. Enjoy!
Before you go ahead and enjoy feeling great, ensure you are in a situation where it is safe and appropriate to relax for a few moments and focus you attention inside. Read these instructions all the way through before carrying them out. It is best to be standing for this exercise:
1. Close your eyes and recall a time in your life when you felt really relaxed. Maybe you were on holiday, lying on a beach, or listening to soothing music whilst chilling out on a Sunday morning. If you can’t think of a time straight away imagine a made up scenario in which you are very relaxed. What ever that thought is for you just check to make sure it is a time when you feel totally carefree and calm inside.
2. Now, as you think of this, notice how you see the image in your mind. Whereabouts would it be in front of you if you could point to it? Is it to the right or left; top middle or bottom of your internal visual spectrum? Notice also if it is a still frame picture or are you watching it like a movie? Is it in colour or black and white? Do you see yourself in the picture from a third person perspective or are you looking at it through your own eyes? Take some time to notice everything you notice.
3. Next, imagine you can take this scene from where ever it currently is and blow it up in size so that it’s now larger than life right there in front of you. In fact let it surround you so that you can even see it in your peripheral vision. And as you do this, allow yourself to notice how it naturally intensifies those feelings of relaxation within you.
4. If have not done so already, imagine stepping into your body so that you are now seeing what you saw through your own eyes. Make the image as focused and bright as you can. Increase the colours so that they become strong and vivid. Also become aware of the relaxing sounds you can hear around you, turn the volume up and really feel that delightful sense of calmness growing within you.
5. Keep yourself in this scene while you notice whereabouts in your body you are feeling the most amount of comfort. Give that comfort a colour and imagine its glowing in that part of your body. Now, focus on that colour and let it begin to flow into to every other part of you, taking with it that wonderful sense of calmness and relaxation. Send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes and, as you let the feeling get stronger, press the thumb and forefinger of one hand together.
6. Now, keeping that thumb and forefinger pressed together and holding onto that good feeling, imagine that you are now in another time when you felt really HAPPY. This might be when you were having lots of fun and laughter with friends or being involved in something special. Maybe you achieved something you were very proud of. Again, see what you saw, hear what you heard and really feel how good it felt in that situation. Make the image as bright and colourful as you can and make the sounds louder and the feelings stronger. Really associate into the scene as if you are there right now and magnify that happy sensation so that it radiates to every fibre of your being.
7. Still with your thumb and finger pressed, jump to another time when you felt DEEP PLEASURE (I’m sure you don’t need me to make any suggestions). Let yourself really exaggerate everything you experienced and add this to all the other wonderful feelings you have being feeling so far.
8. You’re getting the idea! You can carry on like this, adding more and more positive resources, as many as you wish, all the time pressing you thumb and forefinger together, and when you can’t take anymore of feeling this great, open your eyes and relax.
By now you should be feeling fantastic, and isn’t it fascinating that you were able to do this simply by directing your thoughts in the right way? If you are wondering why I asked you press your thumb and forefinger together, the reason is simply that your unconscious mind has made a neuro-associative link between the emotions you felt and the sensation between your thumb and finger. This is known as an ‘anchor’.
In the same way that just hearing a particular song can bring back feelings of nostalgia, your new anchor, when pressed, can reconnect you to the positive feelings you created in this exercise. Why not test it now?
Anytime you want to feel more resourceful in the future you can trigger your anchor and feel great on purpose. By doing this you are learning to take control of your own brain and as with any skill the more you get to use it the stronger it will get. Enjoy!
Friday, January 11, 2008
LIVE YOUR VALUES
Whenever I meet anyone who is unsatisfied with the state of their life, it usually only takes a short conversation to discover that they spend a lot of time doing things that conflict with their true personal values. An example of this is someone who is highly creative at heart, but whose job requires them to stick to the rules. Or a gentle caring type of person who is surrounded by hard nosed straight talkers. It’s quite easy in today’s society to fall into the rut of maintaining a lifestyle, while forgetting what it is that makes that lifestyle important to us in the first place.
We all have a set of values that defines our inner characters, and when we are prevented from doing the things that put us in touch with these values we can begin to feel frustrated or even empty. Numerous studies into what makes people happy have consistently shown that the most important ingredient for life satisfaction is having plenty of opportunity to express your true self.
I often talk with people who claim they do not know what their values are, so I explain that true values are just the personal qualities that you feel are important to have for yourself. Everyone’s values are different and one way to find out what yours are is to follow this simple exercise:
Imagine that its way off in the future and someone close to you is presenting you with a lifetime achievement award at a glamorous ceremony. How would you like for them introduce you to the audience? E.g. “Mary is such a loving person who has brought great happiness to those who know her. Her creative nature has always ensured that life’s obstacles were overcome with grace and dignity. She is an honest and loyal friend whose positive and humorous approach to life had been a great inspiration to others.” Thinking about how you would like others to view you is a good indication of the values you consider important. As you think about this, honestly assess how much of yourself you are currently putting into living these values now. What could you do right now to be that deserving person collecting the award?
Money can be a very handy bonus for most of us, but do not mistake financial status as a true personal value. I recently had very bizarre conversation with a man who said he works all hours god sends so that one day he will be rich enough to spend more time with his family!!! Why doesn’t he ditch the job and live that value now? If your life is not currently reflecting what’s important to you, how could you plan to change it so that you are free to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself?
We all have a set of values that defines our inner characters, and when we are prevented from doing the things that put us in touch with these values we can begin to feel frustrated or even empty. Numerous studies into what makes people happy have consistently shown that the most important ingredient for life satisfaction is having plenty of opportunity to express your true self.
I often talk with people who claim they do not know what their values are, so I explain that true values are just the personal qualities that you feel are important to have for yourself. Everyone’s values are different and one way to find out what yours are is to follow this simple exercise:
Imagine that its way off in the future and someone close to you is presenting you with a lifetime achievement award at a glamorous ceremony. How would you like for them introduce you to the audience? E.g. “Mary is such a loving person who has brought great happiness to those who know her. Her creative nature has always ensured that life’s obstacles were overcome with grace and dignity. She is an honest and loyal friend whose positive and humorous approach to life had been a great inspiration to others.” Thinking about how you would like others to view you is a good indication of the values you consider important. As you think about this, honestly assess how much of yourself you are currently putting into living these values now. What could you do right now to be that deserving person collecting the award?
Money can be a very handy bonus for most of us, but do not mistake financial status as a true personal value. I recently had very bizarre conversation with a man who said he works all hours god sends so that one day he will be rich enough to spend more time with his family!!! Why doesn’t he ditch the job and live that value now? If your life is not currently reflecting what’s important to you, how could you plan to change it so that you are free to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself?
DON’T LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” - Marianne Williamson
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.
It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.
One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.
I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.
Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.
Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
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