HOW TO NIP NEGATIVE THOUGHTS IN THE BUD

Everyone has negative thoughts. If you’re human you can’t help it. Even the most positive and inspirational people you know have the similar kind of negative thoughts that you have from time to time. Believe it or not they also make harsh unconscious judgements about people, things and events too! They criticise and self deprecate – but that doesn’t stop them being generally positive and inspirational, does it?

The truth about what goes on in our heads is that we don’t always get to choose the types of thoughts that take place. But we DO get to choose which of those thoughts we pay attention to and do something with.

The majority of the dialogue, imagery, ideas and scenarios that plays out in your thinking is just the stream of background noise your unconscious mind makes as it does its job of making sense of the world around you. It is absolutely harmless. All the time you just leave it be and let it get on with what ever it wants to think about (in which ever way it wants to think about it) there can be no reason for you to get disturbed. It is only when you inject life into a thought and give it wings - when you consciously ‘pick-up’ on innocent background negativity and bring it to the fore by consciously making it louder and potent to your senses - that things start to get a bit messy.

Here’s the thing:

The problem is not that you have the negative thought; the problem is that you take it seriously, like it actually means something.

One of the fundamental keys to having a more positive experience in any area of your life is to stop thinking your thoughts are telling you the truth, or even that they are telling you what you actually believe, for that matter!!!

This is my really simple model to NIP your consciously negative thoughts in the bud.

NIP stands for: Notice – Interrupt – Positive

This is how it works:

NOTICE - The first step is to catch yourself in the act of talking negatively with your internal voice. The very moment you realise you are ‘doing it again’ you can instantly move on to the next step.

INTERRUPT – This means doing or saying something deliberately different in your mind to break the flow of the negative thought. I’ve found one of the best ways to do this is to shout “STOP” in a forceful tone of voice (remember this is using your internal voice – you could get some rather strange looks otherwise!!). Another great way is to imagine you have a volume dial for your internal dialogue and hear the voice quieten all the way down to silence as you turn it.

POSTIVE – Once you’ve interrupted the negative voice you’ll notice there is a moment of silence. Use this space to generate choices for how you could view the thing you were thinking about in a positive way.

Example:

“I really don’t want to give that presentation tomorrow…. It’s taking up so much of my time and I’ve got other more important things to do…. And I’m rubbish at presentations anyway….. I’m going to make a real hash of it, I know it…. My boss’s boss is going to be there…. Everyone will think I don’t know what I’m talking about…………” (Notice)

“STOP!!!………..” (Interrupt)

“OK. Let me just imagine for a moment that the presentation goes perfectly…. Right, there I am standing confidently and talking clearly, making great eye contact. Just relax…. It feels a whole lot better when I visualise the positive and engaged looks on their faces… This could actually be quite a good opportunity for me to raise my profile…..” (Positive)

Try it out. Have fun playing around with that voice in your head, after all it IS yours and you can do what you want with it!!

WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL? TRY THESE "TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS" (FOR MEN TOO!!!)

This poem by Sam Levenson was made famous by Audrey Hepburn, who quoted it often. Although it was written with women in mind, it is every bit as relevant to men too.

I would strongly urge anyone considering cosmetic surgery to boost their self-esteem to give these top tips a try first:

TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

LIVE YOUR VALUES

Whenever I meet anyone who is unsatisfied with the state of their life, it usually only takes a short conversation to discover that they spend a lot of time doing things that conflict with their true personal values. An example of this is someone who is highly creative at heart, but whose job requires them to stick to the rules. Or a gentle caring type of person who is surrounded by hard nosed straight talkers. It’s quite easy in today’s society to fall into the rut of maintaining a lifestyle, while forgetting what it is that makes that lifestyle important to us in the first place.

We all have a set of values that defines our inner characters, and when we are prevented from doing the things that put us in touch with these values we can begin to feel frustrated or even empty. Numerous studies into what makes people happy have consistently shown that the most important ingredient for life satisfaction is having plenty of opportunity to express your true self.

I often talk with people who claim they do not know what their values are, so I explain that true values are just the personal qualities that you feel are important to have for yourself. Everyone’s values are different and one way to find out what yours are is to follow this simple exercise:

Imagine that its way off in the future and someone close to you is presenting you with a lifetime achievement award at a glamorous ceremony. How would you like for them introduce you to the audience? E.g. “Mary is such a loving person who has brought great happiness to those who know her. Her creative nature has always ensured that life’s obstacles were overcome with grace and dignity. She is an honest and loyal friend whose positive and humorous approach to life had been a great inspiration to others.” Thinking about how you would like others to view you is a good indication of the values you consider important. As you think about this, honestly assess how much of yourself you are currently putting into living these values now. What could you do right now to be that deserving person collecting the award?

Money can be a very handy bonus for most of us, but do not mistake financial status as a true personal value. I recently had very bizarre conversation with a man who said he works all hours god sends so that one day he will be rich enough to spend more time with his family!!! Why doesn’t he ditch the job and live that value now? If your life is not currently reflecting what’s important to you, how could you plan to change it so that you are free to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself?

DON’T LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” - Marianne Williamson

Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.

It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.

One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.

I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.

Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.

Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.

It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.

One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.

I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.

Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.

Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?