Podcast: The Secret To Making Great Decisions

WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL? TRY THESE "TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS" (FOR MEN TOO!!!)

This poem by Sam Levenson was made famous by Audrey Hepburn, who quoted it often. Although it was written with women in mind, it is every bit as relevant to men too.

I would strongly urge anyone considering cosmetic surgery to boost their self-esteem to give these top tips a try first:

TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

PEOPLE WHO ASK BETTER QUESTIONS GET BETTER ANSWERS

Regardless of the reasons why people seek out a coach or therapist, the solution to their problem, or the answer to their question, is always made clear as soon as there is a shift in their thinking. The most fundamental principle that underpins the work I do with people is “thoughts are things” - as you think so you become, and with your thoughts you create your world. Your thoughts are the key drivers to the emotions you feel, and your emotions ultimately drive your behaviour.

Apologies for oversimplifying but the only difference between someone with high self esteem and someone with no self esteem is that the former just thinks better thoughts. Of course the ability to think confidence creating thoughts takes practice, commitment and sometimes a bit of coaching, but it is an ability that everyone has.

The most powerful way we direct our own thinking is by asking ourselves questions? You do it thousands of time a day and scarcely notice it, and it is the way in which you pose the question that determines the quality of the answer you get. This is particularly important when you are asking questions about yourself!!!

I came across this recent article called “Improving Your Most Important Relationship in Life” by Robert Stuberg, writing for Success Magazine, and it perfectly illustrates how poorly structured questions can often create a domino effect of negative thoughts and feelings. Here it is…

Our thoughts control our lives. You’ve undoubtedly heard that sweeping
statement. But do you consider that to be a true and accurate notion? Let me ask
you this: What do you think about yourself? Because if our thoughts control our
lives—and to some extent, they do—shouldn’t the thoughts we have about ourselves
be positive? That brings up the question everyone must ask themselves: What
thoughts do you have about yourself that are controlling your life?

The most important relationship in your life is the one you have
with yourself. And if you let those negative thoughts affect how you think, feel
and act, how can you expect to build healthy relationships with anyone else? You
must put yourself first when it comes to maintaining positive relationships.

Now stay with me for a moment. This idea of putting a relationship
with yourself first isn’t a selfish one—in fact, in some ways it’s a selfless
act. The starting point for having a great relationship with anyone else is
mastering this all-important relationship. In addition, if you aren’t making the
progress in life that you would like to make and are capable of making, I’d be
willing to bet that what we are going to discuss will show you why. So let’s
talk about your relationship with you.

Granted, as busy as we are
and wanting to please others who are important to us—spouses, family members and
friends—it can be easy to overlook the importance of the relationship we have
with ourselves. But if we can’t get along well with ourselves, we won’t exactly
have good relationships with all those other people in our lives. The first step
in managing your relationship with yourself is to determine what you actually
think about yourself. You might be surprised with what you discover. All too
often we reserve our harshest criticisms and our most negative thoughts for
ourselves. And those thoughts are precisely what often stand in our way of
achieving those things we most want in life.

In my seminars and
private-coaching sessions, I ask people where they believe their negative
thoughts originate. This always becomes a fascinating discussion. Nearly
everyone says their thoughts originally develop from their parents, the way they
were raised and influences from their varied life experiences. Certainly, all of
these things and many, many more are part of the answer. But there is also
something much more significant that is often completely missed.

The questions you ask yourself can control your thoughts. We are
constantly asking questions such as, “What should I do in this situation?” “How
will this affect the outcome that I am working to achieve?” Even questions such
as, “Is this the right thing to do?” will lead to all kinds of thoughts about
good and bad or right and wrong. Truly, the questions we ask and the thoughts
they lead to are endless. Questions can begin generating thoughts that don’t
really serve us well. These types of negative thoughts slowly chip away at the
relationship we have with ourselves.

When you continue asking
those disempowering questions for months, years, even decades, your whole life
becomes ruled by those negative emotions. You would never want to build a
relationship with someone else on that same negative pretense, so why are you
doing that to yourself?

Let me give you an example of how one
question could be in conflict with the relationship you have with yourself, and
how it could derail you on your quest for greater success. I’ve discovered that
many people have overwhelming, generalized questions such as, “What are they
thinking of me?” Imagine having that question constantly roaming around in your
mind. A successful client told me she’s had this question since she was a little
girl, and although this client has achieved some great things in her life, she
still hasn’t found peace, happiness or any level of fulfillment. She says she
feels that no matter what she does, it doesn’t feel like enough. That derisive
question constantly fl oats through her mind. Here is a Fortune 500 executive,
earning an amazing amount of money and receiving constant praise for her work,
and yet she feels like no matter what she does it isn’t enough. She’s making a
great contribution to others by serving at a very high level, but she is not
happy on the inside. This reminds me of the old saying, “Success without
fulfillment is failure.”

I think the answer to her challenge can
be found in this main question that she’s been asking herself for years. Many
questions have a presupposition, and wouldn’t you agree that her question
contains the negative thought that people may not be thinking good things about
her? In actuality, people probably respect and admire her, and hold her in great
esteem.

The ultimate problem with this question is that it puts
other people in the driver’s seat of your life. While a question like this might
motivate you to get other people to think good things about you, you will never
know for sure what other people think. And, most important, do you really want
to base your life on what other people think of you?

Now I realize
that this example may not illustrate your question or situation, but I hope it
gets you thinking about what your question or questions might be. What negative
questions do you ask yourself?

People transform themselves
immediately once they discover the underlying questions and corresponding
thoughts that are controlling their lives, especially the main question that
they may have been trying to answer for decades. You may find you can figure out
your main question by yourself, or you might want to consider working with a
coach who understands this process. The truth of the matter is that we are often
too close to ourselves to see and understand exactly what’s going on.

There’s a great line in the play by Shakespeare titled The Life and
Death of Julius Caesar where the character Cassius asks Brutus if he can see his
own face. Brutus replies: “No, Cassius; for the eye sees not itself, but by ref
lection, by some other means.”
So often, a question that you’ve been asking
since you were a child is standing in the way of achieving a great relationship
with yourself. That means it is also standing in the way of achieving your
ultimate ideal in life. There is nothing more important than uncovering the
questions and thoughts that are controlling your life so you can once and for
all take control of your destiny.

LIVE YOUR VALUES

Whenever I meet anyone who is unsatisfied with the state of their life, it usually only takes a short conversation to discover that they spend a lot of time doing things that conflict with their true personal values. An example of this is someone who is highly creative at heart, but whose job requires them to stick to the rules. Or a gentle caring type of person who is surrounded by hard nosed straight talkers. It’s quite easy in today’s society to fall into the rut of maintaining a lifestyle, while forgetting what it is that makes that lifestyle important to us in the first place.

We all have a set of values that defines our inner characters, and when we are prevented from doing the things that put us in touch with these values we can begin to feel frustrated or even empty. Numerous studies into what makes people happy have consistently shown that the most important ingredient for life satisfaction is having plenty of opportunity to express your true self.

I often talk with people who claim they do not know what their values are, so I explain that true values are just the personal qualities that you feel are important to have for yourself. Everyone’s values are different and one way to find out what yours are is to follow this simple exercise:

Imagine that its way off in the future and someone close to you is presenting you with a lifetime achievement award at a glamorous ceremony. How would you like for them introduce you to the audience? E.g. “Mary is such a loving person who has brought great happiness to those who know her. Her creative nature has always ensured that life’s obstacles were overcome with grace and dignity. She is an honest and loyal friend whose positive and humorous approach to life had been a great inspiration to others.” Thinking about how you would like others to view you is a good indication of the values you consider important. As you think about this, honestly assess how much of yourself you are currently putting into living these values now. What could you do right now to be that deserving person collecting the award?

Money can be a very handy bonus for most of us, but do not mistake financial status as a true personal value. I recently had very bizarre conversation with a man who said he works all hours god sends so that one day he will be rich enough to spend more time with his family!!! Why doesn’t he ditch the job and live that value now? If your life is not currently reflecting what’s important to you, how could you plan to change it so that you are free to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself?

DON’T LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” - Marianne Williamson

Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.

It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.

One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.

I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.

Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.

Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.

It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.

One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.

I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.

Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.

Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?