Podcast: The Secret To Making Great Decisions

WHEN YOU OWN THE CINEMA, YOU CHOOSE THE MOVIE

"The world is what you think it is." - Serge Kahili King

Humour me for a moment and just imagine that you’re in a cinema. Everything around you is dark apart from the screen that’s showing the latest blockbuster suspense thriller. You’re sat there wide-eyed, holding a piece of popcorn in front of your open mouth as if it’s frozen in time. It’s just getting to the really juicy bit – the girl is being followed, but by who? And what will be her fate when they catch her? She trips! The chilling music gets faster and louder; the camera zooms right in on the action. You hold your breath; your heart beats faster; you push back into your seat; the anticipation is almost too much to bear…..

And then all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, the music changes to the Benny Hill theme tune! The colour gets really bright and vivid, and the film speeds up to double time so that the characters start to move in a kind of comical fashion. Now, as you look up at that screen, no matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to continue the feeling of fear or anxiety about what is unfolding in front of you. It just seems ridiculous.

I’ve used this kind of cinematic example many times before with my clients and workshop attendees, because it’s a perfect metaphor for understanding how our experience of life is created purely through the projection of our thoughts. Now, replace the movie of the girl being followed with that other movie of how everyone will laugh at you if you fail. Or how about the one where you know you’d be rubbish at a particular task so it’s not worth even attempting it? Or the one about your boss firing you; or the one about how someone might somehow expose you as being a fraud; or how your parents never take you seriously; or what ever movie you like to run on a regular basis.

Notice how compelling and realistic you make it, and as you replay the scene over and over, pay attention to how you begin to feel in response.

But it’s just a movie; a thought.

If you knew that you were the Director of that movie what direction would you want to take it to make it more enjoyable to watch? Horror movies are great for entertainment, but when they are about your own life, that’s another story. Wouldn’t you rather be watching a ‘feel good’ classic?
One of the best explanations I’ve discovered for simplifying the whole subject of how our thoughts create our realities comes from the success coach, Michael Neill. He describes that there are three vital ingredients that must exist in order for us create a life-like experience of the world around us. They are Energy, Consciousness and Thought.

To understand the part that these three elements play let’s go back to that cinema, only this time I’ll meet you up in the projection booth. This is where the magic happens.

Consciousness is like the projector itself. It sheds lights onto whatever happens to be in front of it at the time, in this case a reel of film, and the result is the image that you see on the screen. It only ever shines the right amount of light to illuminate the area of that screen with everything remaining in darkness. To put it another way, if it’s not lit up, it’s unconscious.

Of course, nothing could be projected if the projector is not plugged in because it needs electricity. You provide the energy to your consciousness by simply being alive. Some would regard this energy as being your life-force, your essence, your soul or your spirit. You’re plugged in!!

Thought is the reel of film itself. We each have thousands of thoughts every day, most of which glide by harmlessly in the background of our awareness, but some make it to the front of the projector. They get illuminated and magnified larger than life onto that big screen, complete with panoramic and Technicolor qualities and dramatic score and sound effects. Before long you are gripped by the emotional impact of the compelling plot, this is real on-the-edge-of-your-seat kind of stuff.

But here’s the thing. What if you don’t like the movie? It’s no good going up to the screen and trying to get it to change from there. No amount of shouting at the characters or being frustrated with the storyline is going to alter the ending; that has already been decided. The world doesn’t care what thoughts you project out onto it, in the same way that a screen doesn’t care what images is cast onto it.

The only way to swap this movie for a better one - say a comedy or a romance or one where the good guy always wins - is to realise that that up there in the projection booth is a library of film to suit any taste. All you need to do is go up there, select the one you’d like to watch and put it in front of your projector.

When you own the cinema, you get to choose the movie, and the quality of the movie you choose determines the quality of your life. So wouldn’t it be a good idea to start getting really picky about what you want to watch?

Homework:

Be a film critic this week. Plan to check-in with yourself at least a couple of times a day and review the kind of movies you are running in your head. Are they ones you’d pay good money to see, or would they win ‘Worst Picture’ at The Raspberry Awards. If they are more “boo-hiss” than “bravo”, change them for better ones. It's that simple!

You might want to take it a step further and decide to play the leading part in the most wonderful adaptation of your life.

Have an amazing week.

Namaste,

Paul

www.life-happens.co.uk

The Secret To Making Good Decisions

How many times in your life have you put off doing something because you couldn’t decide the best course of action to take? I’ve known people plan to go out for a well earned meal with their partner and end up staying at home because they couldn’t make up their mind between Chinese or Italian. Heaven help the person who orders sweet and sour chicken when all along they should have been having lasagne! Can you imagine what it is like for them to choose between a staying in their job or take a gamble on starting that business they always dreamed of?

The fear of making bad decisions prevents people from doing all kinds of things that they might be better off doing. The truth of the matter is there is no way of knowing which direction a particular choice is going to take you. You can spend years ruminating over every possible outcome while in the mean time watching the world move on around you. It doesn’t change the fact that, no matter what you choose to do in the end, it might all turn out right and it might all turn out not so right.

But none of that matters because the secret to making great decisions is falling in love with making mistakes.

A lot of people will not make the distinction between making a mistake and making a bad decision, but there is a world of difference, and realising what that difference is can literally turn your life around and set you on a whole new path.

A mistake is literally doing something in a moment that you think is for the best but later turns out to be not such a good idea for you. A bad decision is doing nothing to correct that mistake and then letting the consequences of it define you for ages afterwards.

Here are a few of examples:

Mistake = Getting into a relationship with the wrong person
Bad Decision = Sticking with them and being miserable for the rest of your life

Mistake = Choosing Bognor Regis rather than Cuba for your annual holiday
Bad Decision = Looking for everything you can find to hate about Bognor just to prove you were right about how you should have gone to Cuba! And then going back to Bognor next year! (Bognor is a wonderful place by the way :o)

Mistake = Going into business without having some sort of a plan
Bad Decision = Injecting more and more of your personal finance, sweat and tears into it just to prove you can make the damn thing work.

Making a good decision is not about knowing the outcome before it has had a chance to happen. It is about committing to ANY course of action you FEEL is for the best and then paying attention to the lessons you are later presented with. It is the skill of interpreting the information generated by what has happened and choosing to either do more of the same or change your approach – even start again in some cases. In the same way that an aeroplane reaches its destination by continually measuring how off track it is from the set flight path and adjusting its course to get back on track, the same is true for good decision making.

Making a decision in any area is not a one time event; it is an ongoing and organic process that must evolve as life unfolds.

Today’s Homework:

Think about a decision you have been putting off making. What are the possible choices you have?

Just for a moment, let go of analysing which choice you think you should make and just listen to your body; your intuition. If I were to flip a coin and the rules were Heads you choose option A and Tails you go with option B, which side would you secretly hope for, deep down, before knowing the outcome?

Just go with your instinct and do something to start to make that choice happen. Be willing to make a mistake, knowing that the only bad decision you can ever make is to not do something about the things you didn’t want to happen.

If things go wrong be willing to make a mistake in the opposite direction because, who knows, it might turn out to not be a mistake after all, but rather the realisation of your dream!

No matter what your situation you always have choice. Don’t worry about having to choose wisely, that’s overrated.

NLP HELPS WOMAN OVERCOME STAGE FRIGHT

Even the people we consider to be the best in the business (whatever their field may be) are prone to mental sabotage sometimes. Many top entertainers and performers with years of experiences still go through the same old routine of “bricking it” before going on stage. Now, obviously in most cases there is no logical rationale as to why they should still get nervous, after all they are still in the business because the public love them. The reason why these pre-performance jitters continue to exist is because these individuals are anchored an automatic pattern of behaviour that lets them know its time to perform.

You’ve probably heard of actors redirecting their nervous energy into their performance and this can often bring them greater successful. For other talented people though, the mind plays such a tormenting game that they simply freeze and cannot function at all. Stage fright is common and also very understandable. As this article shows (from the 3News website) the key to overcoming it is to interrupt the automatic limiting behaviour and to install more calming and positive response choices. NLP is great for that!!

Most of us have suffered from stage fright to some extent. When people are
asked what they fear the most, speaking or singing in public is often rated in
the top 10.

Edwina Halliwell always loved amateur dramatics and singing, but in her
teens a horrible audition changed everything.

Two years ago she had planned to sing for her husband at their wedding.
Again the nerves returned and she froze.

Campbell Live followed Ms Halliwell on a personal journey to enter the
spotlight once more, as she prepared to enter her kind of hell by walking onto
the stage at the comedy classic in Auckland.

She is usually a bubbly, confident person, until I ask her to stand on
the stage.
"Feel really nervous, legs are like jelly," she says. "I
just want to get off the stage."
Many famous performers have suffered from
stage fright. At the peak of Sir Laurence Olivier's career he became worried he
would be too tired to remember his lines. Barbara Streisand did not sing in
public for 27 years after forgetting the lines to several songs at a concert in
1967.
Fifteen years ago Ms Halliwell loved performing and singing until she
went to an audition and froze when she tried to sing.

Karen Ross knows what she is going through. Ms Ross uses NLP or
neuro-linguistic programming techniques to help individuals and
organisations, here and overseas, change their behaviours.

It is about the brain and how it works with the body.

"It's about how we learn, our behaviours, our thoughts, our feelings,
our habits are created, and by knowing how they're created we know how we can
change them," says Ms Ross.
At the moment Ms Halliwell associates the stage
with fear.

"The way it's stored can be changed quite easily," says Ms Ross. "It
was probably set up in a matter of seconds, so that gives you can idea of how
quickly it can be changed," says Ms Ross.
First she helps Ms Halliwell
imagine what it will be like when she is performing and enjoying it. She then
introduces the idea of a 'trigger point' to help her relax.

Ms Ross identifies a point on Ms Halliwell's hand and connects that to a
sense of calm. She encourages Ms Halliwell to touch that point when nerves start
to take over.
But will it make a difference? Two weeks later we went
back.

It went "really well", says Ms Ross. "We've had two sessions together
and she's ready to sing."
So ready, she headed to the Ivory Lounge in
Auckland, determined to sing for her husband Duncan, something she had wanted to
do at their wedding two years before.
And as quickly as it came, her stage
fright disappeared. She sang to her husband, and while the nerves were still
there, the person who could not even stand on a stage was now singing to an
audience.

It was an incredible change, and even she could not quite believe it.
"Oh my god, I can't believe that, it's just amazing."

The therapy had helped Ms Halliwell confront her fear, and changed the
feelings associated with performing in public.

"When I'm working with a client I can't be sure until we make some
changes, whether that one thing will generalise and help the person feel relaxed
with everything or there might be more than one thing," says Ms Ross. "And in
Edwina's case, it was one thing."

"The difference between before the coaching and after is now, I really
just wanted to do it and I didn't care what it sounded like, it was just really
important for me to do it," says Ms Halliwell. "And it was just such a dream to
get up and sing in front of all those people."
It might not have been her
greatest performance but it was certainly one of, what she hopes, will be many
more.

"It's been really great to see and watch the confidence build up," says
her husband Duncan. "You couldn't hold her back this evening, which is a major
transformation from where it's been before."

www.lifehappens.co.uk

DON’T LET FEAR HOLD YOU BACK

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” - Marianne Williamson

Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.

It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.

One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.

I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.

Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.

Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?
Many people interpret their fear of doing things as a reason not to do them. Sound familiar? I know I’m often as guilty as the next for allowing this to happen. The paradox about fear is that the more we experience it, the more we need to face it. This is not because we are gluttons for punishment, but because nothing is more effective at making us grow as human beings than our willingness to push passed the blocks that are holding us back. The more important something is to us, the more likely we are to experience a fear about going to get it. It does not mean, however, that we should be excused from working toward our desired outcomes. Fear is simply the indicator that lets us know they’re worth working for in the first place.

It may help you to know that no one on the face of this earth is immune to fear. Behind all great achievements are piles of rubble where the walls of uncertainty have been broken through. Imagine what the world would be like now if fear actually did stop everyone from taking action to discover better ways of living.

One of the biggest fears that can prevent people from achieving greater rewards in their life is the fear of failure. What happens if it all goes wrong? When you think like this you are only mistaking set-backs for end results. It is not game over. If something turns out differently than you wanted, you will always be able to learn from the experience and use it to change your approach. Virtually every successful person can tell you of the multiple failures they had to encounter in order to hit their jackpot. Failure = Experience = Success.

I am always hearing people say things like, “When I feel more confident in myself, then I’ll do it”. You do not have to feel totally ready before you start dealing with your fear. Confidence is a by-product of the fear bashing process. It is only when you start taking action, despite feeling frightened, that your confidence takes on a whole new lease of life.

Breaking your goals down into easy to manage chunks reduces the overwhelming sensation that can sometimes be attached to the greater objective. Doing something little everyday towards your desired future will soon add up to a significant positive difference in your life.

Remember, fear is a guaranteed and useful part of life. The choice is, do you continue to sacrifice your dreams because of it, or do you make the decision right now to pursue a better life despite its existence?