ARE YOU HERE...NOW? (LEARNING TO BE PRESENT)

One of the quickest ways out of stress is to learn how to fully experience the present moment - that’s the one that is happening right now!

Most stress that people feel in their body is generated from a thought about something that has either already happened and is now over, or something that they anticipate will happen in the future, and may also never happen! There is every possibility that when you notice anxious feeling in your body you’ll also be able to recognise that the thing you are having a stressful thought about is not actually happening in that very moment.

The key to dissolving stress is to realise that nothing and no one can make you experience those uncomfortable anxious feelings until you take the information inside and attach a stressful meaning to what is going on in your environment. Your nervous system does not respond to things or events, it responds to the thoughts you have about those things or event. There are many techniques to help you reframe your stressful thoughts into more positive ones, but getting into the practice of letting your thoughts go all together is one of the most mentally liberating experiences you can have.

Here’s an example of what I mean. You get up in the morning and you take a shower. However, mentally you’re not in the shower, you are already at work thinking about that important meeting or pressing deadline. Or maybe you’re replaying that argument you had yesterday. One thing is for sure, you’re not in the shower!

Bringing your attention back to the here and now means you are free to experience the peacefulness of this very moment. Stress does not exist in the ‘now’.

If you’re in the shower, BE in the shower. Become absorbed in the sensation of the warm water raining over your body. Watch the steam billowing around you. Notice the relaxing feeling of the water’s pressure massaging your skin, and that sound of the splashing against the walls and floor. Just be with it, be curious about it, and enjoy it.

To be fully present with your experience of the current moment is to let go of your thoughts and to just be. Doing this requires your thinking mind to become still and take on the role of a silent observer.

This is an important skill to practice. If you can master being totally tuned into the ‘now’ without your usual thoughts or stories about what ‘now’ means, you can begin to experience a more stress free life, even in those situations that used to bother you.

As with any skill I encourage you to start small. Being present in an already peaceful environment, such as being out in nature or listening to music, is a great training ground. As you get more and more used to being completely aware of a moment you’ll notice that it becomes easier to return to the ‘now’ in more normal situations such as being at work, driving, having a conversation, and later, to things that used to be stressful.

A question you may have is, “How can I let go of my thoughts and experience the peacefulness of the present moment while I’m having a conversation, or doing something that requires my attention?”

You can still be present while you are talking with someone else by getting to know that part of you that is always just observing what is going on. For instance, when you say something to somebody, or even to yourself, there is another part of your consciousness just noticing that you are having a conversation. It is entirely possible for you to hold a normal conversation while that part of you just observes the stream of words and sentences that are being unconsciously spoken, without any assistance from your thinking mind. As I am typing this I don’t need to think about what the next word is going to be, it just appears. You can easily talk to another person while at the same time being aware of the sensation of the words leaving your mouth. You can hear, and understand, what is being said to you whilst also distinguishing between the words and tonal qualities of the voice says them.

That’s being present. Fully noticing the experience of having a conversation, while you are having it, actually means you are more engaged with the other person. How often do you find yourself not really listening to what someone else is saying because you are already thinking about what YOU are going to say next? Surely that’s more stressful than just letting the conversation naturally flow.

Who would you be in this very moment without your thinking mind? Just a person standing, sitting or lying, and enjoying the peace of the ‘now’.

Here is a guide to help you practice being present. Read though the steps first before trying it out on your own.

STEP ONE - Take a few slow deep breaths and get your body into a nice relaxed state.

STEP TWO - Look straight a head of you and take in as much of the vision as you can. Let yourself even begin to notice the small details about your environment that you do not normally pay attention to. What can you see in your peripheral vision? Stretch your focus so that you can still see what is to the side of you, above and below, while you also see what’s in front.

STEP THREE - Keeping your attention on what you see, also begin to notice what you hear. Besides the main, obvious noises, what else can you hear that you were not aware of before? See what you see and hear what you hear in fine detail. Be curious about it.

STEP FOUR - Now add into the mix the physical sensations you are experiencing. If you are standing notice your body weight that’s being supported by your feet. If you are sitting, feel the sensation of your body resting in the chair. Notice the touch of your clothes against you; your feeling of your feet inside your shoes; the temperature of the air against your skin; the natural rise and fall of your chest as you breathe. Continue to acknowledge each new sensation as it presents itself to your awareness.

STEP FIVE - Let any internal dialogue drift away as you just exist in this moment. Let the silence of your mind become a part of that overall experience. Just see what you see, hear what you hear and feel the physical sensations. Nothing has a label; it is what it is, just be with it.

CAN'T COMPLAIN (...BUT ONLY FOR A DAY)

There have been many occasions when people have come to me just to sound off about their relationship, or their job, or their position in life, and have expected a certain level of sympathy. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very caring, loving and giving guy, but complaining just doesn’t wash with me. I’m all about taking 100% responsibility. It’s what I teach and it’s what I endeavour to do every moment of every day.

Now, I must tell you that there is a big difference between “getting things off your chest” and complaining. Getting things off your chest is a useful and natural part of day to day life. When you’ve had a manic day and a million things to do and a certain level of pressure has built up inside you, then getting things off your chest or venting your frustrations can be a healthy way of laying your jumbled thoughts out in front of you so that you can gain a clearer perspective of a day that’s now gone. To get things off your chest means to say what’s on your mind with the intention of being able to forget it and move on.

“Man, what a day. You have no idea how busy I’ve been. The phone has not stopped ringing, I’ve had a mountain of work, I barely had time to grab a bite to eat and my feet are killing me.”

Deep breath… and relax. It’s over. You had a need to outwardly express your internal experience and now you’ve don’t it. Now, what’s for dinner?

Another example of getting things off your chest is when someone says or does something that doesn’t sit quite right with you. Perhaps they were talking about you in your absence and you think they may have misrepresented you in some way. You might find an opportunity to take that person to one side and get to the bottom of it.

“I don’t think this is a big issue but something has been on my mind lately about what you might have said to Mary when I wasn’t there”

I get things off my chest all the time. It can be a great enabler of effective communication, certainly better than keeping frustrations bottled up, that’s for sure.

Complaining is an entirely different kettle of fish. Complaining is refusing to let go a disgruntling thought and holding something or someone else accountable for it.

When you complain you are making a statement that things should be another way. Your way! You have an imagined version of a different, better reality that you are using to benchmark against what is really going. And the sad truth about complaining is it is nearly always enforced on the people who can do absolutely nothing about it.

“Let me tell you about my boss. He is such an idiot. He makes my life a misery. He has absolutely no idea how hard I word and all he can do is demanded more and more pointless reports. I’m trapped.”

Does this sound like a person who taking 100% responsibility of their life?

When you complain you effectively give away any power you have within you to change your situation, because it places the problem firmly outside of your own control. But if you were to take a step back a take a good honest look at the situation you will begin to see a much clearer, more palatable reality.

It initially takes courage and openness to recognise that you always have choice but the prize is freedom.

Rather than looking for reasons of why you have to be angry, sad, pissed off, etc, experiment with turning the focus back on yourself. The intention is not beat yourself up, but to simply become curious about the part that you’ve played in generating your experience.

Look for the cause and effect factors that apply to what you have – or haven’t done – that have led you to where you are today. Have you been too permissive? Had you been putting off having a conversation you should have had ages ago? Have you been focusing on the wrong things to bring you happiness? Have you blamed someone else for not doing something you could have easily done yourself? Honestly?

You are the sum of every decision you’ve ever made, every thought you’ve ever had, every conversation, every action or inaction. That’s what defines you.

If you’re unhappy in your relationship, what could you DO right now to make things better? If your boss is an areshole (pardon my French) you have choices. Either address your issues with him/her, or accept that everyone is entitled to their unique style and learn to be ok with that, or get another job! There is always a choice. It may be not your preferred option but if that is what you have control over, then exercise that control. There is no “have to” in life.

Here is a powerful piece of advice that can radically alter the quality of your experience. Have a complaint free day. Just commit to spending an entire 24 hour period where you forget to complain about anything. See what happens. If your focus is not placed on what wrong or who is to blame then it is placed on finding solutions. And you’ll be amazed at how creative you can be when you assume that a solution exists.

If you enjoy your complaint free day, have another one, and another!! I hope you can see why this could be one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.

As always you have my very warm wishes. Have a wonderful day.


Visit me any time at http://www.life-happens.co.uk/

NLP EXPERT HELPS AUTISTIC MAN PARTICIPATE IN WORLD MEMORY CHAMPIONSHIPS

It is always so inspiring to learn about people overcoming significant personal challenges to achieve great success. As a passionate Neuro-Linguistic Programming practitioner it is also particularly exciting when I learn that those individuals have been coached used powerful personal development skills from fields such as NLP, hypnosis, mind mapping etc. This article caught my eye today because it tells the story of a young austistic man who has started embracing his talent and growing inner confidence to participate in life at an amazing level.

This story reminds me that whatever limitations I think I may have in my own life, there are already people out there breaking the mold and leaping over barriers far higher than my own. There are no excuses for being less than you are capable of being.

Here is the article from the Gulf Daily News website:

THE World Memory Championship (WMC) was an inspirational experience for Bahrain's only competitor, going head-to-head with world-renowned champions. Autistic Karan Beri's ability to remember dates and numbers impressed international organisers so much that they allowed him a seat as a special entrant for the second year in the three-day tournament, which concluded in Bahrain yesterday. The 22-year-old's mother Gopika Beri said she had never given up hope on him since discovering he was autistic when he was four years old.

"I am so proud of Karan, as he has participated in several disciplines, even if he didn't win in any of them," said Ms Beri, who is also Bahrain Society for Training and Development international relations director.

"Participation will inspire my son immensely as well as encourage and motivate parents of autistic children to face the challenges.

"He was tested in 10 different disciplines, some lasting up to three hours.
"These included memorising playing cards, abstract images, binary numbers, historic and future dates, names and faces, random words and spoken numbers."
It was never an easy path for Karan that led up to his participation in the championship, said Ms Beri.

"After Karan failed his high school examinations, he went on to enter India's National Open School (Indian Academy) to pass his exams," she told the GDN.
"He did well in his hotel management and hospitality studies at the Bahrain Institute of Hospitality and Retail through sheer determination.

"He was the first special needs student to complete the course, thanks to the management, teachers and staff there.

"Karan took 30 months to complete the course, as opposed to 24 months by regular students.

"He ended up scoring more than 90 per cent marks in three of the disciplines he studied.

"While it is true that he received valuable support from all of us, including his peers and fellow students at the institute, we cannot take away the fact that he was keen to get this diploma and enter the labour market.

"He has worked very hard and today he stands proud along with his equally proud family."

Ms Beri said that Karan was trained in speed-reading and mind mapping by Phillip Holt, who is an international trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming, hypnosis, photo reading, mind maps and memory techniques.

"He was also provided two free workshops by the director and senior consultant of the Makeover Experience, Dr Laila Edward, in preparation for the event," she said.

"The event has given my son an opportunity to exhibit his skills and meet people attending the event.

"The main reason I want him to participate in such events is to help him overcome the challenges and feel normal as everyone else."

Ms Beri, who is Bahrain Airport Services training and development acting head, said that she coached Karan when even relatives said she should give up.
"Karan is blessed. For example, he can tell the day of the week of any future or past date in a split second," she said.

Recognition also came in the form of a filmmaker in Delhi, who offered to do a film on Karan and his life, added Ms Beri.

"Karan can cook, do routine shopping and other chores, play musical instruments and is obsessed with cards and calculators, which have been his regular companions since childhood," she said.

"I am happy that my training has really helped him to become what he is today.
"He is now able to meet people from around the world confidently and is ready for the challenges in life."

YOUR THOUGHTS REALLY DO MOLD YOUR BRAIN

A bit of change of theme in today’s blog. Of course you know I like to send you daily postings that motivate, inspire and encourage to you to live your best life, but sometimes it can be just as motivating, inspiring and encouraging to learn about the science of how we work physically. I am not a religious guy (although I am very connected with my spiritual side) but I am sometime so awe struck by the incredible nature of the human brain that it does often seem miraculous.

I love it when science and spirituality come together. I have spent years developing myself and studying various self improvement philosophies but I always like to know there is logic behind my beliefs. It has never been good enough for me to just jump on the band wagon of a self-help or spiritual theory without rigorously challenging its practicality. I guess I am a bit of a spiritual scientist in that respect.

It is wonderful that more often we are seeing collaborations between leading scientists and spiritual teachers, and the trend is that both sides are beginning to learn more and more from each other.

I came across this text on Wikipedia about how Buddhist monks have helped neuroscientists understand the physical impact that thinking has on the brain. It would appear that your thoughts really do shape you!!!


Source Wikipedia:

The Dalai Lama invited Richard Davidson, a Harvard-trained neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison's W.M. Keck Laboratory for Functional Brain Imaging and Behavior to his home in Dharamsala, India, in 1992 after learning about Davidson's innovative research into the neuroscience of emotions. Could the simple act of thinking change the brain? Most scientists believed this idea to be false, but they agreed to test the theory. One such experiment involved a group of eight Buddhist monk adepts and ten volunteers who had been trained in meditation for one week in Davidson's lab. All the people tested were told to meditate on compassion and love. Two of the controls, and all of the monks, experienced an increase in the number of gamma waves in their brain during meditation. As soon as they stopped meditating, the volunteers' gamma wave production returned to normal, while the monks, who had meditated on compassion for more than 10,000 hours in order to attain the rank of adept, did not experience a decrease to normal in the gamma wave production after they stopped meditating. The synchronized gamma wave area of the monks' brains during meditation on love and compassion was found to be larger than that corresponding activation of the volunteers' brains. Davidson's results were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in November, 2004 and TIME recognized Davidson as one of the ten most influential people in 2006 on the basis of his research.

FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT

“Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” - Henry Ford

The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.

Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.

Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.

There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.

If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.

QUICK TIP FOR EXERCISE MOTIVATION

Every so often I like to contribute to some of the various online personal development forums that are out there. I find them to be a great source of inspiration - getting other people's views and tips for living positively - and it’s also a great way for me to offer my own help to people I would probably never get to meet in person. The following is a really quick visualization technique I posted on the Morning Coach Forum today (www.morningcoach.com) in response to a lady who was experiencing a lack of motivation for going to the gym.

I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.

Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)

1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.

Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.

If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.

COMMIT TO A SIMPLE PHILOSOPHY

Anyone who has ever committed to developing their inner self will know that taking the road less traveled is not always easy. Of course, the intention of embarking on such a journey is to arrive at simplicity in your life, where you are at peace with yourself and a lover of reality. Getting there, however, can involve more questions that answers and inevitably presents challenges that can lead to confusion and frustration.

There is a lot of help out there. There are many teachers, trainers, coaches, therapists and leaders who can provide you with the map of how to get you to where you want to go, but too much information is sometimes counter productive. Simplicity is the key.

Where there are a million ways of learning a lesson, find the ONE that works for you. You do not have to digest the wisdom of every teacher you come across, only the one who seems to connect with you as if they know you. That teacher may communicate to you through a book, a website, a class, a friendship, or where ever. There seems to be a natural law that states the most truthful philosophies are also the most uncomplicated. Commit to learning simple lessons and live them 100%.

The following is a brief summary of a very simple philosophy for life, by Don Miguel Ruiz; he calls them The Four Agreements. There is nothing complicated here, but if you were to become the living embodiment of these principles you’d surely be living a very joyous life indeed!

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

A SHORT EXPLANATION OF NLP

Although Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed over three decades ago, it is only in recent years that the world is beginning to discover why it is one of the most powerful methods for creating positive and lasting change in individuals. NLP is unique in that it focuses exclusively on how the results we achieve in our lives are determined by the way we communicate with ourselves internally (also referred to as internal states).

NLP can be translated as:

Neuro = Your Nervous System (the mind & body working together)
Linguistic = Language & Communication (verbal & non-verbal)
Programming = The process used to achieve consistent results

Therefore NLP is the methodology of learning to communicate with your nervous system in a way that consistently produces the results you desire. In other words, it’s knowing how to run your own brain to get what you want in a way that’s right for you.

You see, in order to have any experience in life and know whether it’s good or bad you have to communicate with yourself, and it’s the specific way in which you do this that determines the quality of your experience. Often, the difference between someone who thinks they can do something and someone who thinks they can’t is the way they represent the situation to themselves in their minds.

When working with clients I use a range of NLP techniques to help them access their most resourceful states and identify a strategy for resolving their problems in an easy and positive way. This can often create a high level of self awareness that typically leads to improvements in other areas of their life too.

Try out this simple exercise and experience how NLP can be used to generate a positive state in you: How to feel great on purpose.

SHORT EXPLANATION OF HYPNOTHERAPY

Hypnosis has been used in many cultures for centuries to bring about personal change at an unconscious level. Today, hypnosis is widely associated with stage performers and this has created some misconceptions surrounding its application.

Hypnotherapy is entirely different from the type of hypnosis you may have experienced in the entertainment world. When applied for personal development in a therapeutic setting it is an extremely effective way of allowing you to generate positive and helpful resources within your subconscious mind.

Although there is no such thing as a “hypnotised feeling” you are aware of becoming very relaxed. You can still hear everything around you and you cannot do anything against your own free will. In fact you can even choose to come out of hypnosis any time you want.

A hypnotic state is fairly similar to daydreaming; only you are able to deliberately direct your thoughts towards making the changes you need. Most people say that hypnosis is a pleasant experience where you simply go with the flow and learn more about yourself.

In scientific studies, hypnotherapy has been ranked as the most effective method of quitting bad habits such as smoking and over eating. It is also universally recognised as being a powerful tool to help achieve any goal that relies on you having a resourceful state of mind.

THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING YOU FIRST

“In order to give your best to others, you have to put yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s crucial.” - Paul Dalton

Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person. Many, however, have adopted the belief that in order to be a good person they have to put other’s needs before their own. This is rarely the result of conscious choice, but rather a consequence of upbringing, or conditioning.

When we were young we learned that if we misbehaved the people we depended upon for survival seemed to take away the love we so desperately sought. We also learned that being good and “doing as we were told” got us the rewards of praise and affection. The result for many, even in adulthood, is to unconsciously believe that love and security are only given when we do the things that other people want us to do, so we instinctively put them first. It is, of course, good to be surrounded by those who love you, but that love does not have to be at the cost of your own personal growth and self-fulfilment.

Have you ever considered that you are important to the people who are important to you? If the boot was on the other foot, would you feel satisfied knowing that someone you care deeply for was sacrificing their own creativity and potential in order to do the things that please you? The truth is the people you love want you to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself – that’s why they cherish you!!!

Putting yourself first might feel a little unnatural to begin with, but when you understand the reason why it’s so important it will become an attitude you are willing adopt. Ask yourself these two questions: 1, How does me feeling unfulfilled and out of touch with my own self worth in any way add value for the people I care about? 2, How much would my relationships benefit if I felt truly content and inspired to grow as a person?

The truth is you can only put into a relationship what you have to give in the first place. Investing quality time and effort into yourself literally provides you with the positive energy and focus that’s required to nurture and support those around you. And they will really appreciate you for you it. Talk about a win win situation!

Do it now! Set aside time in your diary to have fun, play, read, socialise, learn, exercise, create, discover……what ever it is that inspires you.

FIND YOUR PASSION AND GET UP EARLY

I have noticed a strange thing about me lately; I am spending a lot less time in bed and a lot more time working, and I love it! If you’d have told me 3 or 4 years back that this would be the case I would have thought you were nuts, because I was hypnotised by the story I was telling myself about how I was too busy trying to make ends meet to be successful at the things I really wanted to accomplish in my life. The irony is that I was so exhausted from chasing my tail, getting nowhere fast, that I was spending hours longer in bed than I do today.

So what changed? I woke up to the reality that if I actually wanted to make my goals happen I was going to have to take action every single day, and that would involve creating the spare time that I had been convinced didn’t exist. I realised that the only time available to me was the time I was wasting comatosed in my pit, so I committed to getting up earlier to start taking those steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.

What I discovered is as soon as I got into the habit of getting up and taking action straight away the result of my efforts was a real sense that I was finally getting somewhere. This caused me to get even more passionate and it wasn’t long before I looked forward to getting up early just so I could continue working.

What a transformation! I had gone from someone who could barely open his eyes until lunch time to a guy who enthusiastically leaps out of bed at the crack of dawn to make life happen just the way he wants it to. It just so happens that first thing in the morning turns out to be when I’m at my most productive and creative, so I have learned to harness that energy for making the kind of decisions that drive my business forward. Having great ideas early in the morning means it is easy to map out the actions I need to take during the day. Each and every day I get to live a life that looks a little bit more like the one I originally envisioned and it all started by simply getting up earlier in the morning and connecting with the idea of a lifestyle I am passionate about.

I am a million percent confident that anyone – ANYONE – can live an inspired life that fulfils them in every way, and two vital ingredients are Time and Passion. What small steps could you take each day to lead you toward a life that you are passionate about? If your goal is that metaphorical journey of a thousand miles you’d better take that first single step pretty soon. Time won’t wait. Set your alarm an hour earlier and get cracking with whatever is helpful and productive for you: Do some research; work on your plan; meditate on your desired outcome; write a list of crazy ideas; keep a journal to track your progress; write a blog! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it is connected with your goals and ensures that forward momentum.

You have to make this a habit and that means pushing through any resistance for about three weeks. After this, getting up motivated will feel as natural as breathing. You’ll get good at deciding what actions really work for you, and eventually 80% of your success will come from 20% of your efforts. Now isn’t that life worth getting up early for?

"Make Life Happen just the way you want it to": www.life-happens.co.uk

DO YOUR FRIENDS KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN TO YOU?

I’ve just arrived back from America where I was attending the wedding of a very good friend, and because I was the Best Man I had to give a speech. Now, I’m used to public speaking and facilitating large groups of people in my personal development workshops, so you might be thinking this was a doddle for me. Well how wrong you are my friend!

What made this different for me was the level of thought I found myself giving to the meaning of my friendship with the groom and having to put into words some emotional stuff that I found difficult to explain.

My original intention was to just spend about 10 minutes ripping the proverbial wee-wee out of him (and you’ll be glad to know that I did fit this in, to great delight of me and the other guests) but I also understood that this would be a powerful opportunity to reflect on the many years we had been close mates, and to analyse why his friendship is so important to me. What surprised me was realising just how many experiences we had been though together. There have been a lot of good times but also a few low points too and as I thought about it, it became clear to me how incredibly grateful I am that he had been there to support me through some of the most challenging of times.

Of course I had always been vaguely aware of this but is was suddenly now apparent that I had never actually told him. In fact there were many things I’d never told him about what I appreciated in our relationship: How I get inspired when he talks about his goals; How he dutifully listens to all my crazy plans and encourages me to follow through; how he can cheer me up regardless of what mood I am in; his generosity; the weird sense of humour we share; his honest (even though it can often be blunt), and much more.

So when it came to making the speech I made sure I told him all of this, and it was quite an emotional affair. We usually spend our time thinking of new ways to make fun of each other, but there I was delivering a list of his best qualities and with a lump in my throat! And the best part was his reaction. He was obviously moved by what I had said and I got a sense that our friendship had just become a little richer as a result.

One of the deepest human desires is to feel appreciated, and the nicest way to receive this kind of validation is by hearing it from someone else. It’s one thing to think of yourself as being a good friend, but it is when others pay tribute to you that it really touches your soul.

Think about your own relationships. What is it that you really value about those closest to you? Ask yourself, do they know exactly how you feel or have you been making an assumption that they do? You can immediately strengthen the bond in any relationship simply by telling that person that you are thankful for them being in your life and then listing the reasons why. This is such a simple thing to do but sadly not practiced nearly enough.

I have now made a promise to myself that I will reaffirm my gratitude to my friends and loved ones on a regular basis. If you want to do the same but have trouble knowing what to say, consider what you would want to tell them if you knew this was the last time you’d ever see them again. How have they influenced you as a person? What are their top three qualities? What would your life be like today if you never knew them?

A nice little payoff for getting in the habit of do this is that you are likely to get some positive feedback too! Obviously it should not be you intention to fish for compliments but it’s always good to know where you’re doing a good job, isn’t it? I know that when friends and family tell me what they love about me it encourages me to more of it and I get to feel great about myself for the difference I’m making to them. The key to a fulfilling life is to simply feel good, there is nothing more complicated to it, so why not help yourself by making others feel appreciated? Win Win!