Monday, December 1, 2008
WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL? TRY THESE "TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS" (FOR MEN TOO!!!)
I would strongly urge anyone considering cosmetic surgery to boost their self-esteem to give these top tips a try first:
TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.
THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS : DAY THREE - GROWTH
Just as we grow physically it is also vital that we growth mentally and emotionally. Generally speaking, the older we get the more philosophical we can be about our experience of life, this is product of growth. The way in which we measure our growth is by assessing the internal feeling we get as to how satisfied we are about how far we’ve come in life.
QUESTION: What are you currently doing to influence your own sense of personal growth?
Growth can happen naturally in the course of day to day experience, but you life becomes a lot more fulfilled when you play a more active part in developing your own sense of satisfaction about it. Spend 30 minutes everyday nourishing your soul. Read personal development books, meditate, write down you big life goals and carefully plan their achievement. Why not start conversations with your family and friends by asking them what they value in live, what makes them happy, what lessons life has taught them so far, where they want to be heading?
If you’re not growing you’re dying, so do the things that will let you be the fullest most positive expression of your true self.
Friday, November 21, 2008
THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS : DAY TWO - UNCERTAINTY
Simply because the human condition has got a great sense of humour, after our need for certainty comes our need for uncertainty, or to put it another way, variety.
This is obvious when we look at how we spend our leisure time. Most people do not want to go on holiday to the same place over and over when there is a whole world to explore (of course there are exceptions). We enjoy comedy, because the unexpected makes us laugh and lighten up - It gives us new perspectives. We want to watch different types of shows on TV. We are adventure seekers and don’t always want to know what is around the next bend.
When we don’t get enough uncertainty or variety in our lives we can become complacent or frustrated. Sometimes we get confused by thinking that our lives lack meaning when actually we are just bored. This is such an easy thing to remedy – DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
QUESTION: When was the last time you set some time aside to just have fun, or to learn something new? What have you wanted to do for a long time that you could start planning for today?
Develop your spontaneous side. Organise a trip to somewhere you’ve never been or have never thought of going. Enrol on an evening class. Just get involved in something. In the river of life you will often get caught up on a rock and stop going with the flow. When this happens you probably just need a gentle nudge to get you moving again. Finding something different to do can often be that nudge you are looking for. Keep a notebook near you at all times and use it to write down new things that you’d like to experience. These can be as simple as seeing a particular film at the cinema, or as big as planning a world tour. This way you’ve always got a starting point whenever you find yourself in a rut.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS : DAY ONE - CERTAINTY
With each of these Needs I’ll also pose a challenging question to encourage you to think about how you take positive action to bring more balance into your live.
So without further ado, let’s get started.
HUMAN NEED 1 - CERTAINTY
In order for us to function efficiently in the world you need to be able to get out of bed in the morning and have the luxury of taking certain things for granted. Perhaps one of the first things you’d want to take for granted is that there is a bed to get of in the first place. Others will include: that there will be enough food to eat and clean water, the car will start, you’ll still have a job when you get to the office, your partner will still want to be with you when you get home, you’ll get a pay check at the end of the month.
I’m sure you’ve experienced situations where these basic areas have not been so certain, like when the boiler breaks down, or the car dies, or you lose your job; or you home. Suddenly those details that had sat in the background of your awareness become the only thing you can focus on.
QUESTION: What in your life do you really value but take for granted? Is there anything you have neglected for a while that could really do with some attention?
Take care of these details. Prevention is better than cure and you don’t miss your water ‘till your well runs dry!!
Monday, November 17, 2008
NLP HELPS WOMAN OVERCOME STAGE FRIGHT
You’ve probably heard of actors redirecting their nervous energy into their performance and this can often bring them greater successful. For other talented people though, the mind plays such a tormenting game that they simply freeze and cannot function at all. Stage fright is common and also very understandable. As this article shows (from the 3News website) the key to overcoming it is to interrupt the automatic limiting behaviour and to install more calming and positive response choices. NLP is great for that!!
Most of us have suffered from stage fright to some extent. When people are
asked what they fear the most, speaking or singing in public is often rated in
the top 10.
Edwina Halliwell always loved amateur dramatics and singing, but in her
teens a horrible audition changed everything.
Two years ago she had planned to sing for her husband at their wedding.
Again the nerves returned and she froze.
Campbell Live followed Ms Halliwell on a personal journey to enter the
spotlight once more, as she prepared to enter her kind of hell by walking onto
the stage at the comedy classic in Auckland.
She is usually a bubbly, confident person, until I ask her to stand on
the stage.
"Feel really nervous, legs are like jelly," she says. "I
just want to get off the stage."
Many famous performers have suffered from
stage fright. At the peak of Sir Laurence Olivier's career he became worried he
would be too tired to remember his lines. Barbara Streisand did not sing in
public for 27 years after forgetting the lines to several songs at a concert in
1967.
Fifteen years ago Ms Halliwell loved performing and singing until she
went to an audition and froze when she tried to sing.
Karen Ross knows what she is going through. Ms Ross uses NLP or
neuro-linguistic programming techniques to help individuals and
organisations, here and overseas, change their behaviours.
It is about the brain and how it works with the body.
"It's about how we learn, our behaviours, our thoughts, our feelings,
our habits are created, and by knowing how they're created we know how we can
change them," says Ms Ross.
At the moment Ms Halliwell associates the stage
with fear.
"The way it's stored can be changed quite easily," says Ms Ross. "It
was probably set up in a matter of seconds, so that gives you can idea of how
quickly it can be changed," says Ms Ross.
First she helps Ms Halliwell
imagine what it will be like when she is performing and enjoying it. She then
introduces the idea of a 'trigger point' to help her relax.
Ms Ross identifies a point on Ms Halliwell's hand and connects that to a
sense of calm. She encourages Ms Halliwell to touch that point when nerves start
to take over.
But will it make a difference? Two weeks later we went
back.
It went "really well", says Ms Ross. "We've had two sessions together
and she's ready to sing."
So ready, she headed to the Ivory Lounge in
Auckland, determined to sing for her husband Duncan, something she had wanted to
do at their wedding two years before.
And as quickly as it came, her stage
fright disappeared. She sang to her husband, and while the nerves were still
there, the person who could not even stand on a stage was now singing to an
audience.
It was an incredible change, and even she could not quite believe it.
"Oh my god, I can't believe that, it's just amazing."
The therapy had helped Ms Halliwell confront her fear, and changed the
feelings associated with performing in public.
"When I'm working with a client I can't be sure until we make some
changes, whether that one thing will generalise and help the person feel relaxed
with everything or there might be more than one thing," says Ms Ross. "And in
Edwina's case, it was one thing."
"The difference between before the coaching and after is now, I really
just wanted to do it and I didn't care what it sounded like, it was just really
important for me to do it," says Ms Halliwell. "And it was just such a dream to
get up and sing in front of all those people."
It might not have been her
greatest performance but it was certainly one of, what she hopes, will be many
more.
"It's been really great to see and watch the confidence build up," says
her husband Duncan. "You couldn't hold her back this evening, which is a major
transformation from where it's been before."
www.lifehappens.co.uk
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
IS NLP HERE TO STAY?
Even as an NLP practitioner I think this is a very healthy debate to have. I am absolutely convinced that NLP provides positive life transformations when applied in the way its creators intended it to be used; I have seen it happen time and time again with my own clients. However, many people have a distorted view of what NLP is all about because their exposure to it has come in the form of inexperienced ‘dabblers’ who have missed the point.
I have attended many trainings and seminars where NLP is cited as one of the methods being employed, but then the facilitators only go on to talk about concepts and presuppositions. NLP is something that needs to be experienced before it can be completely understood. I could talk all day about how the mind makes associations and links emotions to external stimulus and you would either buy into it or you wouldn’t. However, if I were to guide you through a physical Anchoring technique that allowed you to access a positive emotional state anytime you wanted in the future you would have no choice but to see the truth of how NLP is aligned to the way you work. Only when we have a true experience of something can we stop having opinions about theories and start utilizing the tested facts.
I genuinely think that if I had never experienced NLP first hand, in its intended form, I would be one of the skeptics who think it is a fluffy gimmick passed its sell by date. The fact that I have experienced it, on too many occasions to count, means I can see why NLP is going to continue growing, evolving and changing lives.
This is a fascinating article by Mike Levy on the Training Zone website:
In his recent book, 'Tricks of the Mind' television
illusionist Derren Brown says that NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) is "The
Frankenstein grandchild of Ericksonian hypnosis". More than 30 years after the
publication of 'The Structure of Magic', the seminal work on NLP by Bandler and
Grinder, has the set of techniques come of age or had its day? Is there any
scientific proof to underpin the claims made by practitioners? And if not, does
it matter?
Evergreen questionsThese, says Michael Breen, are
evergreen questions: "They were asking them back in 1988 and they come up every
10 years or so." Breen, who taught NLP with Bandler and Paul McKenna, has
predictably strong views about the current state of NLP. "It's no use asking
about scientific validity: NLP is not and never will be a science. It is a
discipline that people will take pot shots at and then steal its contents."
Breen who spoke at last year's NLP Conference, says that the
discipline does not look for absolute truths: "NLP looks for clues to see what
works in human behaviour. NLP cannot be controlled – the best new work is coming
from people nobody has heard of. And that is how it should be."
Elusive qualityThere is, says Breen, an inbuilt and elusive
quality about NLP which depends hugely on the skills and insights of the
practitioner: "It is not about a corpus of knowledge or a set of testable
qualifications. NLP was created to create new stuff, not to copy other people's
work."
His point is that for him, NLP is a facilitating tool that
opens up endless possibilities when it is in the right hands. "It is a
behavioural skills set, an art, a discipline that when used well can have
amazing results."
What excites Breen most about his discipline is
what his students can do with the tools: "Someone who takes what they learn
about NLP and goes on to do something completely new with it: that is what
really turns me on." He cites a student who developed his own set of tools based
on Houdini's famous escapes. "It's a lovely little tool and it works – that is
NLP."
"The best practitioners are those who already possess
competencies that can be built on. However, no two practitioners should ever do
the same work. That is why NLP is not a science."
Flourishing in
the downturnSue Knight, best-selling author of 'NLP at Work', agrees: "NLP is a
study of what works best – the most important test is: does it work for you and
achieve the results you want?" Knight, a speaker at this year's NLP Conference,
thinks that the discipline is flourishing with the present downturn providing
new and exciting opportunities.
"NLP is perfectly suited to these
times. What makes excellence in leadership and how do we best deal with business
adversity are some key questions today. My programmes on leadership here and in
India are bursting at the seams. The crash in the financial world is a
demonstration of what happens when you do not have excellence in leadership.
People are now looking for new ways of leading business. NLP answers that call."
Never strongerFor Knight, NLP is now far from marginal: "Looking
back over 20 years as a practitioner, there was a time when most people on my
courses paid for themselves – now almost all are backed by their employers." So
Knight believes that NLP has never been stronger.
Marielena
Sabatier, co-founder of Inspiring Potential, agrees with that view. She is
another keen advocate of NLP. A few years ago, she took her MBA and immersed
herself in the no-nonsense world of high corporate finance. Then came a complete
change of career – running a thriving coaching company whose focus is leadership
development and interpersonal communication skills. But isn't NLP a little too
fluffy for her? "Not at all. It has so many uses – improving inter-personal
communications, challenging the presuppositions behind the way we see ourselves
in the world, helping us to become more tolerant of other people's viewpoints. I
find that NLP really opens the mind to new possibilities."
Lack of
evidence?Is she worried then at the lack of hard scientific evidence behind NLP?
"No, it is an amalgam of already tried and tested therapies and ideas. To me,
NLP really explains how the brain works – and I'm the kind of person who, if it
doesn't make sense, I go back to the roots of an idea." That said, Sabbatier
regrets the sheer number of NLP schools out there: "It makes a single
accreditation body less, rather than more, likely to succeed."
No
profession!Accreditation is something of an anathema to Breen but he is excited
about the future of NLP: "Not in terms of more paper qualifications. There
should never be an NLP 'profession'. Without all that NLP has reached the point
where it has percolated through the culture," he says. "It is everywhere but it
doesn't necessarily smell like NLP – and that is exactly as it should be. NLP is
essentially about transformation and in that quality, the very nature of NLP
must keep evolving and transforming."
The future, says Breen, will
be online – NLP will be democratised and that could be bad news for traditional
classroom approaches. New technology will hit the NLP profession very hard –
putting learning into the hands of the learners will mean that NLP will change
its form, content and mode of delivery." Breen, for one, cannot wait for the
next 30 years.
For more information:For those looking for research
underpinning NLP, there are a number of respected papers such as the one
produced by Ashley Dowlen, an Associate at Roffey Park. His 1996 paper 'NLP -
help or hype? Investigating the uses of neuro-linguistic programming in
management learning' is a good overview of the evidence. He finds that, "...the
use of language patterns to enhance effective communication tends to get support
and appears to be among the more reliable evidence. The use of the 'outcome'
technique receives some support, as does the meta-model questioning method. The
evidence on the ability of NLP approaches to bring about change in emotional
state is far less conclusive. In general terms, the eclectic nature of NLP may
be its strength, particularly if the collection of approaches is new to
potential users, and in general terms there are a number of references to the
value of NLP techniques for developers."
For the whole report see
the Emerald Insight web page: www.emeraldinsight.com
There are more research findings at: www.eanlpt.orgAnd www.inspiritive.com.au
About the interviewer: Mike Levy is a freelance journalist and
copywriter with 20 years' experience. He is also a writing and presentations
coach. He especially loves playwriting and creating resources for schools. Mike
is director of Write Start Ltd. For more information go to: www.writestart.co.uk
LIFE HAPPENS: visit me any time as www.life-happens.co.uk
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
PEOPLE WHO ASK BETTER QUESTIONS GET BETTER ANSWERS
Apologies for oversimplifying but the only difference between someone with high self esteem and someone with no self esteem is that the former just thinks better thoughts. Of course the ability to think confidence creating thoughts takes practice, commitment and sometimes a bit of coaching, but it is an ability that everyone has.
The most powerful way we direct our own thinking is by asking ourselves questions? You do it thousands of time a day and scarcely notice it, and it is the way in which you pose the question that determines the quality of the answer you get. This is particularly important when you are asking questions about yourself!!!
I came across this recent article called “Improving Your Most Important Relationship in Life” by Robert Stuberg, writing for Success Magazine, and it perfectly illustrates how poorly structured questions can often create a domino effect of negative thoughts and feelings. Here it is…
Our thoughts control our lives. You’ve undoubtedly heard that sweeping
statement. But do you consider that to be a true and accurate notion? Let me ask
you this: What do you think about yourself? Because if our thoughts control our
lives—and to some extent, they do—shouldn’t the thoughts we have about ourselves
be positive? That brings up the question everyone must ask themselves: What
thoughts do you have about yourself that are controlling your life?
The most important relationship in your life is the one you have
with yourself. And if you let those negative thoughts affect how you think, feel
and act, how can you expect to build healthy relationships with anyone else? You
must put yourself first when it comes to maintaining positive relationships.
Now stay with me for a moment. This idea of putting a relationship
with yourself first isn’t a selfish one—in fact, in some ways it’s a selfless
act. The starting point for having a great relationship with anyone else is
mastering this all-important relationship. In addition, if you aren’t making the
progress in life that you would like to make and are capable of making, I’d be
willing to bet that what we are going to discuss will show you why. So let’s
talk about your relationship with you.
Granted, as busy as we are
and wanting to please others who are important to us—spouses, family members and
friends—it can be easy to overlook the importance of the relationship we have
with ourselves. But if we can’t get along well with ourselves, we won’t exactly
have good relationships with all those other people in our lives. The first step
in managing your relationship with yourself is to determine what you actually
think about yourself. You might be surprised with what you discover. All too
often we reserve our harshest criticisms and our most negative thoughts for
ourselves. And those thoughts are precisely what often stand in our way of
achieving those things we most want in life.
In my seminars and
private-coaching sessions, I ask people where they believe their negative
thoughts originate. This always becomes a fascinating discussion. Nearly
everyone says their thoughts originally develop from their parents, the way they
were raised and influences from their varied life experiences. Certainly, all of
these things and many, many more are part of the answer. But there is also
something much more significant that is often completely missed.
The questions you ask yourself can control your thoughts. We are
constantly asking questions such as, “What should I do in this situation?” “How
will this affect the outcome that I am working to achieve?” Even questions such
as, “Is this the right thing to do?” will lead to all kinds of thoughts about
good and bad or right and wrong. Truly, the questions we ask and the thoughts
they lead to are endless. Questions can begin generating thoughts that don’t
really serve us well. These types of negative thoughts slowly chip away at the
relationship we have with ourselves.
When you continue asking
those disempowering questions for months, years, even decades, your whole life
becomes ruled by those negative emotions. You would never want to build a
relationship with someone else on that same negative pretense, so why are you
doing that to yourself?
Let me give you an example of how one
question could be in conflict with the relationship you have with yourself, and
how it could derail you on your quest for greater success. I’ve discovered that
many people have overwhelming, generalized questions such as, “What are they
thinking of me?” Imagine having that question constantly roaming around in your
mind. A successful client told me she’s had this question since she was a little
girl, and although this client has achieved some great things in her life, she
still hasn’t found peace, happiness or any level of fulfillment. She says she
feels that no matter what she does, it doesn’t feel like enough. That derisive
question constantly fl oats through her mind. Here is a Fortune 500 executive,
earning an amazing amount of money and receiving constant praise for her work,
and yet she feels like no matter what she does it isn’t enough. She’s making a
great contribution to others by serving at a very high level, but she is not
happy on the inside. This reminds me of the old saying, “Success without
fulfillment is failure.”
I think the answer to her challenge can
be found in this main question that she’s been asking herself for years. Many
questions have a presupposition, and wouldn’t you agree that her question
contains the negative thought that people may not be thinking good things about
her? In actuality, people probably respect and admire her, and hold her in great
esteem.
The ultimate problem with this question is that it puts
other people in the driver’s seat of your life. While a question like this might
motivate you to get other people to think good things about you, you will never
know for sure what other people think. And, most important, do you really want
to base your life on what other people think of you?
Now I realize
that this example may not illustrate your question or situation, but I hope it
gets you thinking about what your question or questions might be. What negative
questions do you ask yourself?
People transform themselves
immediately once they discover the underlying questions and corresponding
thoughts that are controlling their lives, especially the main question that
they may have been trying to answer for decades. You may find you can figure out
your main question by yourself, or you might want to consider working with a
coach who understands this process. The truth of the matter is that we are often
too close to ourselves to see and understand exactly what’s going on.
There’s a great line in the play by Shakespeare titled The Life and
Death of Julius Caesar where the character Cassius asks Brutus if he can see his
own face. Brutus replies: “No, Cassius; for the eye sees not itself, but by ref
lection, by some other means.”
So often, a question that you’ve been asking
since you were a child is standing in the way of achieving a great relationship
with yourself. That means it is also standing in the way of achieving your
ultimate ideal in life. There is nothing more important than uncovering the
questions and thoughts that are controlling your life so you can once and for
all take control of your destiny.
Friday, October 31, 2008
ARE YOU HERE...NOW? (LEARNING TO BE PRESENT)
One of the quickest ways out of stress is to learn how to fully experience the present moment - that’s the one that is happening right now!
Most stress that people feel in their body is generated from a thought about something that has either already happened and is now over, or something that they anticipate will happen in the future, and may also never happen! There is every possibility that when you notice anxious feeling in your body you’ll also be able to recognise that the thing you are having a stressful thought about is not actually happening in that very moment.
The key to dissolving stress is to realise that nothing and no one can make you experience those uncomfortable anxious feelings until you take the information inside and attach a stressful meaning to what is going on in your environment. Your nervous system does not respond to things or events, it responds to the thoughts you have about those things or event. There are many techniques to help you reframe your stressful thoughts into more positive ones, but getting into the practice of letting your thoughts go all together is one of the most mentally liberating experiences you can have.
Here’s an example of what I mean. You get up in the morning and you take a shower. However, mentally you’re not in the shower, you are already at work thinking about that important meeting or pressing deadline. Or maybe you’re replaying that argument you had yesterday. One thing is for sure, you’re not in the shower!
Bringing your attention back to the here and now means you are free to experience the peacefulness of this very moment. Stress does not exist in the ‘now’.
If you’re in the shower, BE in the shower. Become absorbed in the sensation of the warm water raining over your body. Watch the steam billowing around you. Notice the relaxing feeling of the water’s pressure massaging your skin, and that sound of the splashing against the walls and floor. Just be with it, be curious about it, and enjoy it.
To be fully present with your experience of the current moment is to let go of your thoughts and to just be. Doing this requires your thinking mind to become still and take on the role of a silent observer.
This is an important skill to practice. If you can master being totally tuned into the ‘now’ without your usual thoughts or stories about what ‘now’ means, you can begin to experience a more stress free life, even in those situations that used to bother you.
As with any skill I encourage you to start small. Being present in an already peaceful environment, such as being out in nature or listening to music, is a great training ground. As you get more and more used to being completely aware of a moment you’ll notice that it becomes easier to return to the ‘now’ in more normal situations such as being at work, driving, having a conversation, and later, to things that used to be stressful.
A question you may have is, “How can I let go of my thoughts and experience the peacefulness of the present moment while I’m having a conversation, or doing something that requires my attention?”
You can still be present while you are talking with someone else by getting to know that part of you that is always just observing what is going on. For instance, when you say something to somebody, or even to yourself, there is another part of your consciousness just noticing that you are having a conversation. It is entirely possible for you to hold a normal conversation while that part of you just observes the stream of words and sentences that are being unconsciously spoken, without any assistance from your thinking mind. As I am typing this I don’t need to think about what the next word is going to be, it just appears. You can easily talk to another person while at the same time being aware of the sensation of the words leaving your mouth. You can hear, and understand, what is being said to you whilst also distinguishing between the words and tonal qualities of the voice says them.
That’s being present. Fully noticing the experience of having a conversation, while you are having it, actually means you are more engaged with the other person. How often do you find yourself not really listening to what someone else is saying because you are already thinking about what YOU are going to say next? Surely that’s more stressful than just letting the conversation naturally flow.
Who would you be in this very moment without your thinking mind? Just a person standing, sitting or lying, and enjoying the peace of the ‘now’.
Here is a guide to help you practice being present. Read though the steps first before trying it out on your own.
STEP ONE - Take a few slow deep breaths and get your body into a nice relaxed state.
STEP TWO - Look straight a head of you and take in as much of the vision as you can. Let yourself even begin to notice the small details about your environment that you do not normally pay attention to. What can you see in your peripheral vision? Stretch your focus so that you can still see what is to the side of you, above and below, while you also see what’s in front.
STEP THREE - Keeping your attention on what you see, also begin to notice what you hear. Besides the main, obvious noises, what else can you hear that you were not aware of before? See what you see and hear what you hear in fine detail. Be curious about it.
STEP FOUR - Now add into the mix the physical sensations you are experiencing. If you are standing notice your body weight that’s being supported by your feet. If you are sitting, feel the sensation of your body resting in the chair. Notice the touch of your clothes against you; your feeling of your feet inside your shoes; the temperature of the air against your skin; the natural rise and fall of your chest as you breathe. Continue to acknowledge each new sensation as it presents itself to your awareness.
STEP FIVE - Let any internal dialogue drift away as you just exist in this moment. Let the silence of your mind become a part of that overall experience. Just see what you see, hear what you hear and feel the physical sensations. Nothing has a label; it is what it is, just be with it.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
CAN'T COMPLAIN (...BUT ONLY FOR A DAY)
Now, I must tell you that there is a big difference between “getting things off your chest” and complaining. Getting things off your chest is a useful and natural part of day to day life. When you’ve had a manic day and a million things to do and a certain level of pressure has built up inside you, then getting things off your chest or venting your frustrations can be a healthy way of laying your jumbled thoughts out in front of you so that you can gain a clearer perspective of a day that’s now gone. To get things off your chest means to say what’s on your mind with the intention of being able to forget it and move on.
“Man, what a day. You have no idea how busy I’ve been. The phone has not stopped ringing, I’ve had a mountain of work, I barely had time to grab a bite to eat and my feet are killing me.”
Deep breath… and relax. It’s over. You had a need to outwardly express your internal experience and now you’ve don’t it. Now, what’s for dinner?
Another example of getting things off your chest is when someone says or does something that doesn’t sit quite right with you. Perhaps they were talking about you in your absence and you think they may have misrepresented you in some way. You might find an opportunity to take that person to one side and get to the bottom of it.
“I don’t think this is a big issue but something has been on my mind lately about what you might have said to Mary when I wasn’t there”
I get things off my chest all the time. It can be a great enabler of effective communication, certainly better than keeping frustrations bottled up, that’s for sure.
Complaining is an entirely different kettle of fish. Complaining is refusing to let go a disgruntling thought and holding something or someone else accountable for it.
When you complain you are making a statement that things should be another way. Your way! You have an imagined version of a different, better reality that you are using to benchmark against what is really going. And the sad truth about complaining is it is nearly always enforced on the people who can do absolutely nothing about it.
“Let me tell you about my boss. He is such an idiot. He makes my life a misery. He has absolutely no idea how hard I word and all he can do is demanded more and more pointless reports. I’m trapped.”
Does this sound like a person who taking 100% responsibility of their life?
When you complain you effectively give away any power you have within you to change your situation, because it places the problem firmly outside of your own control. But if you were to take a step back a take a good honest look at the situation you will begin to see a much clearer, more palatable reality.
It initially takes courage and openness to recognise that you always have choice but the prize is freedom.
Rather than looking for reasons of why you have to be angry, sad, pissed off, etc, experiment with turning the focus back on yourself. The intention is not beat yourself up, but to simply become curious about the part that you’ve played in generating your experience.
Look for the cause and effect factors that apply to what you have – or haven’t done – that have led you to where you are today. Have you been too permissive? Had you been putting off having a conversation you should have had ages ago? Have you been focusing on the wrong things to bring you happiness? Have you blamed someone else for not doing something you could have easily done yourself? Honestly?
You are the sum of every decision you’ve ever made, every thought you’ve ever had, every conversation, every action or inaction. That’s what defines you.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship, what could you DO right now to make things better? If your boss is an areshole (pardon my French) you have choices. Either address your issues with him/her, or accept that everyone is entitled to their unique style and learn to be ok with that, or get another job! There is always a choice. It may be not your preferred option but if that is what you have control over, then exercise that control. There is no “have to” in life.
Here is a powerful piece of advice that can radically alter the quality of your experience. Have a complaint free day. Just commit to spending an entire 24 hour period where you forget to complain about anything. See what happens. If your focus is not placed on what wrong or who is to blame then it is placed on finding solutions. And you’ll be amazed at how creative you can be when you assume that a solution exists.
If you enjoy your complaint free day, have another one, and another!! I hope you can see why this could be one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make.
As always you have my very warm wishes. Have a wonderful day.
Visit me any time at http://www.life-happens.co.uk/
Monday, October 27, 2008
NLP EXPERT HELPS AUTISTIC MAN PARTICIPATE IN WORLD MEMORY CHAMPIONSHIPS
This story reminds me that whatever limitations I think I may have in my own life, there are already people out there breaking the mold and leaping over barriers far higher than my own. There are no excuses for being less than you are capable of being.
Here is the article from the Gulf Daily News website:
THE World Memory Championship (WMC) was an inspirational experience for Bahrain's only competitor, going head-to-head with world-renowned champions. Autistic Karan Beri's ability to remember dates and numbers impressed international organisers so much that they allowed him a seat as a special entrant for the second year in the three-day tournament, which concluded in Bahrain yesterday. The 22-year-old's mother Gopika Beri said she had never given up hope on him since discovering he was autistic when he was four years old.
"I am so proud of Karan, as he has participated in several disciplines, even if he didn't win in any of them," said Ms Beri, who is also Bahrain Society for Training and Development international relations director.
"Participation will inspire my son immensely as well as encourage and motivate parents of autistic children to face the challenges.
"He was tested in 10 different disciplines, some lasting up to three hours.
"These included memorising playing cards, abstract images, binary numbers, historic and future dates, names and faces, random words and spoken numbers."
It was never an easy path for Karan that led up to his participation in the championship, said Ms Beri.
"After Karan failed his high school examinations, he went on to enter India's National Open School (Indian Academy) to pass his exams," she told the GDN.
"He did well in his hotel management and hospitality studies at the Bahrain Institute of Hospitality and Retail through sheer determination.
"He was the first special needs student to complete the course, thanks to the management, teachers and staff there.
"Karan took 30 months to complete the course, as opposed to 24 months by regular students.
"He ended up scoring more than 90 per cent marks in three of the disciplines he studied.
"While it is true that he received valuable support from all of us, including his peers and fellow students at the institute, we cannot take away the fact that he was keen to get this diploma and enter the labour market.
"He has worked very hard and today he stands proud along with his equally proud family."
Ms Beri said that Karan was trained in speed-reading and mind mapping by Phillip Holt, who is an international trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming, hypnosis, photo reading, mind maps and memory techniques.
"He was also provided two free workshops by the director and senior consultant of the Makeover Experience, Dr Laila Edward, in preparation for the event," she said.
"The event has given my son an opportunity to exhibit his skills and meet people attending the event.
"The main reason I want him to participate in such events is to help him overcome the challenges and feel normal as everyone else."
Ms Beri, who is Bahrain Airport Services training and development acting head, said that she coached Karan when even relatives said she should give up.
"Karan is blessed. For example, he can tell the day of the week of any future or past date in a split second," she said.
Recognition also came in the form of a filmmaker in Delhi, who offered to do a film on Karan and his life, added Ms Beri.
"Karan can cook, do routine shopping and other chores, play musical instruments and is obsessed with cards and calculators, which have been his regular companions since childhood," she said.
"I am happy that my training has really helped him to become what he is today.
"He is now able to meet people from around the world confidently and is ready for the challenges in life."
Friday, October 24, 2008
YOUR THOUGHTS REALLY DO MOLD YOUR BRAIN
I love it when science and spirituality come together. I have spent years developing myself and studying various self improvement philosophies but I always like to know there is logic behind my beliefs. It has never been good enough for me to just jump on the band wagon of a self-help or spiritual theory without rigorously challenging its practicality. I guess I am a bit of a spiritual scientist in that respect.
It is wonderful that more often we are seeing collaborations between leading scientists and spiritual teachers, and the trend is that both sides are beginning to learn more and more from each other.
I came across this text on Wikipedia about how Buddhist monks have helped neuroscientists understand the physical impact that thinking has on the brain. It would appear that your thoughts really do shape you!!!
Source Wikipedia:
The Dalai Lama invited Richard Davidson, a Harvard-trained neuroscientist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison's W.M. Keck Laboratory for Functional Brain Imaging and Behavior to his home in Dharamsala, India, in 1992 after learning about Davidson's innovative research into the neuroscience of emotions. Could the simple act of thinking change the brain? Most scientists believed this idea to be false, but they agreed to test the theory. One such experiment involved a group of eight Buddhist monk adepts and ten volunteers who had been trained in meditation for one week in Davidson's lab. All the people tested were told to meditate on compassion and love. Two of the controls, and all of the monks, experienced an increase in the number of gamma waves in their brain during meditation. As soon as they stopped meditating, the volunteers' gamma wave production returned to normal, while the monks, who had meditated on compassion for more than 10,000 hours in order to attain the rank of adept, did not experience a decrease to normal in the gamma wave production after they stopped meditating. The synchronized gamma wave area of the monks' brains during meditation on love and compassion was found to be larger than that corresponding activation of the volunteers' brains. Davidson's results were published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in November, 2004 and TIME recognized Davidson as one of the ten most influential people in 2006 on the basis of his research.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT
The words you use to communicate with yourself have an enormously powerful effect on your nervous system. They can build you up or they can knock you down. That little voice in your head that chatters away to you all day long plays a major part in determining the quality of your self-image which, in turn, is responsible for telling you what you think of yourself.
Your subconscious pays attention to what ever you say to yourself and, be it true or not, acts on your communication as if it’s an undeniable fact. Therefore, when you say something like “I can’t do it”, your subconscious instructs your nervous system to respond appropriately and shuts off access to the parts of you that potentially can do it. If on the other hand you were to say, “I’m committed to improving my current ability”, you set yourself up to create possibilities that otherwise would have been ignored.
Questions can be even more destructive if used negatively. For example, if you were to ask yourself, “Why does this always happen to me?”, not only are you likely to be making an over generalisation, but your subconscious will dutifully go on a search and seek out any evidence that supports you in believing the notion to be correct, even if it has to make some stuff up!!! Alternatively, a more positively phrased question such as “how could I change my approach to get a better result?” causes you to shift your attention away from failure and toward success.
There is an expression in my line of work that says, “You always get more of what you focus on”. This can be applied to any area of your life. Too many people focus on what they do not want to happen: “I don’t want to be fat”, “I don’t want to be poor”, “I don’t want to look stupid”… However, in order to know what it is that you don’t want in your life you first have to make a vivid representation of it in your head. The pictures you paint in your mind are even more powerful than words you use. Your subconscious always interprets mental images as targets to aim for, even if the image is not your desired outcome. The more you think in these terms the stronger you will be subconsciously steered towards the very thing you want to avoid.
If athletes give their best performances by imagining themselves winning over and over again, why not start instructing your subconscious to go and get the things you desire by focusing your attention on exactly what you do want to happen? Let yourself daydream about how great life could be if all your self directed communication and imagination were creating the opportunities you need to live your wildest dreams.
QUICK TIP FOR EXERCISE MOTIVATION
I thought I’d copy what I wrote into the Blog today as, in my experience, this is a common issue shared by many people.
Give this a go (obviously committing your full and positive participation :o)
1, Stand up, close your eyes and take a few nice deep breaths to get yourself nice and relaxed
2, Imagine a time and a situation in the not too distant future where you are REALLY proud of the level of health and fitness you have achieved through consistently working out several times a week
3, In your mind’s eye look at that future you as if you are a 3rd party observer. Notice everything about your physical appearance. How good do you look? What is your body language like? Looking at your face, do you appear happy, confident or something else? Give yourself plenty of time to notice everything about the future you in as much detail as possible. Make the colours as vivid and bright as you can.
4, Still with your eyes closed, take a physical step forward and imagine that you are stepping into the body of that future you so that you are now seeing everything through your own eyes (like trying on a new suit of clothes!!).
5, Really let yourself become aware of how fantastic you feel. Actually put your body into that same position. Notice the abundance of heath and energy you feel and especially how much more motivated you are, having achieved this result. What does it feel like to occupy this body?
6, See what you see, hear what you hear and notice what emotions you are experiencing in this situation? Take that feeling from wherever it is inside you and crank it right up – as if you have an emotional volume dial – and send it up to the top of your head and down to the tips of your toes. Intensify the whole situation and let yourself feel as wonderful as possible while you now also think about getting yourself off to the gym. Enjoy this experience for as long as you wish before opening your eyes and reorienting yourself back to the here and now – holding onto the good feeling.
Your nervous system doesn’t know the difference between a real event and one that is vividly imagined which is why we are able to get ourselves motivated by simply directing our thoughts in the right way. Imagination is always stronger than conscious will, so the pictures you make in your mind have a much greater effect on you than what you say to yourself.
If you go ahead a try this out please let me know how you get on.
Monday, October 20, 2008
COMMIT TO A SIMPLE PHILOSOPHY
There is a lot of help out there. There are many teachers, trainers, coaches, therapists and leaders who can provide you with the map of how to get you to where you want to go, but too much information is sometimes counter productive. Simplicity is the key.
Where there are a million ways of learning a lesson, find the ONE that works for you. You do not have to digest the wisdom of every teacher you come across, only the one who seems to connect with you as if they know you. That teacher may communicate to you through a book, a website, a class, a friendship, or where ever. There seems to be a natural law that states the most truthful philosophies are also the most uncomplicated. Commit to learning simple lessons and live them 100%.
The following is a brief summary of a very simple philosophy for life, by Don Miguel Ruiz; he calls them The Four Agreements. There is nothing complicated here, but if you were to become the living embodiment of these principles you’d surely be living a very joyous life indeed!
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
A SHORT EXPLANATION OF NLP
NLP can be translated as:
Neuro = Your Nervous System (the mind & body working together)
Linguistic = Language & Communication (verbal & non-verbal)
Programming = The process used to achieve consistent results
Therefore NLP is the methodology of learning to communicate with your nervous system in a way that consistently produces the results you desire. In other words, it’s knowing how to run your own brain to get what you want in a way that’s right for you.
You see, in order to have any experience in life and know whether it’s good or bad you have to communicate with yourself, and it’s the specific way in which you do this that determines the quality of your experience. Often, the difference between someone who thinks they can do something and someone who thinks they can’t is the way they represent the situation to themselves in their minds.
When working with clients I use a range of NLP techniques to help them access their most resourceful states and identify a strategy for resolving their problems in an easy and positive way. This can often create a high level of self awareness that typically leads to improvements in other areas of their life too.
Try out this simple exercise and experience how NLP can be used to generate a positive state in you: How to feel great on purpose.
SHORT EXPLANATION OF HYPNOTHERAPY
Hypnotherapy is entirely different from the type of hypnosis you may have experienced in the entertainment world. When applied for personal development in a therapeutic setting it is an extremely effective way of allowing you to generate positive and helpful resources within your subconscious mind.
Although there is no such thing as a “hypnotised feeling” you are aware of becoming very relaxed. You can still hear everything around you and you cannot do anything against your own free will. In fact you can even choose to come out of hypnosis any time you want.
A hypnotic state is fairly similar to daydreaming; only you are able to deliberately direct your thoughts towards making the changes you need. Most people say that hypnosis is a pleasant experience where you simply go with the flow and learn more about yourself.
In scientific studies, hypnotherapy has been ranked as the most effective method of quitting bad habits such as smoking and over eating. It is also universally recognised as being a powerful tool to help achieve any goal that relies on you having a resourceful state of mind.
Friday, October 17, 2008
THE IMPORTANCE OF PUTTING YOU FIRST
Everyone wants to think of themselves as a good person. Many, however, have adopted the belief that in order to be a good person they have to put other’s needs before their own. This is rarely the result of conscious choice, but rather a consequence of upbringing, or conditioning.
When we were young we learned that if we misbehaved the people we depended upon for survival seemed to take away the love we so desperately sought. We also learned that being good and “doing as we were told” got us the rewards of praise and affection. The result for many, even in adulthood, is to unconsciously believe that love and security are only given when we do the things that other people want us to do, so we instinctively put them first. It is, of course, good to be surrounded by those who love you, but that love does not have to be at the cost of your own personal growth and self-fulfilment.
Have you ever considered that you are important to the people who are important to you? If the boot was on the other foot, would you feel satisfied knowing that someone you care deeply for was sacrificing their own creativity and potential in order to do the things that please you? The truth is the people you love want you to be the fullest most positive expression of yourself – that’s why they cherish you!!!
Putting yourself first might feel a little unnatural to begin with, but when you understand the reason why it’s so important it will become an attitude you are willing adopt. Ask yourself these two questions: 1, How does me feeling unfulfilled and out of touch with my own self worth in any way add value for the people I care about? 2, How much would my relationships benefit if I felt truly content and inspired to grow as a person?
The truth is you can only put into a relationship what you have to give in the first place. Investing quality time and effort into yourself literally provides you with the positive energy and focus that’s required to nurture and support those around you. And they will really appreciate you for you it. Talk about a win win situation!
Do it now! Set aside time in your diary to have fun, play, read, socialise, learn, exercise, create, discover……what ever it is that inspires you.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
FIND YOUR PASSION AND GET UP EARLY
So what changed? I woke up to the reality that if I actually wanted to make my goals happen I was going to have to take action every single day, and that would involve creating the spare time that I had been convinced didn’t exist. I realised that the only time available to me was the time I was wasting comatosed in my pit, so I committed to getting up earlier to start taking those steps toward a better, more fulfilling life.
What I discovered is as soon as I got into the habit of getting up and taking action straight away the result of my efforts was a real sense that I was finally getting somewhere. This caused me to get even more passionate and it wasn’t long before I looked forward to getting up early just so I could continue working.
What a transformation! I had gone from someone who could barely open his eyes until lunch time to a guy who enthusiastically leaps out of bed at the crack of dawn to make life happen just the way he wants it to. It just so happens that first thing in the morning turns out to be when I’m at my most productive and creative, so I have learned to harness that energy for making the kind of decisions that drive my business forward. Having great ideas early in the morning means it is easy to map out the actions I need to take during the day. Each and every day I get to live a life that looks a little bit more like the one I originally envisioned and it all started by simply getting up earlier in the morning and connecting with the idea of a lifestyle I am passionate about.
I am a million percent confident that anyone – ANYONE – can live an inspired life that fulfils them in every way, and two vital ingredients are Time and Passion. What small steps could you take each day to lead you toward a life that you are passionate about? If your goal is that metaphorical journey of a thousand miles you’d better take that first single step pretty soon. Time won’t wait. Set your alarm an hour earlier and get cracking with whatever is helpful and productive for you: Do some research; work on your plan; meditate on your desired outcome; write a list of crazy ideas; keep a journal to track your progress; write a blog! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it is connected with your goals and ensures that forward momentum.
You have to make this a habit and that means pushing through any resistance for about three weeks. After this, getting up motivated will feel as natural as breathing. You’ll get good at deciding what actions really work for you, and eventually 80% of your success will come from 20% of your efforts. Now isn’t that life worth getting up early for?
"Make Life Happen just the way you want it to": www.life-happens.co.uk
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
DO YOUR FRIENDS KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN TO YOU?
What made this different for me was the level of thought I found myself giving to the meaning of my friendship with the groom and having to put into words some emotional stuff that I found difficult to explain.
My original intention was to just spend about 10 minutes ripping the proverbial wee-wee out of him (and you’ll be glad to know that I did fit this in, to great delight of me and the other guests) but I also understood that this would be a powerful opportunity to reflect on the many years we had been close mates, and to analyse why his friendship is so important to me. What surprised me was realising just how many experiences we had been though together. There have been a lot of good times but also a few low points too and as I thought about it, it became clear to me how incredibly grateful I am that he had been there to support me through some of the most challenging of times.
Of course I had always been vaguely aware of this but is was suddenly now apparent that I had never actually told him. In fact there were many things I’d never told him about what I appreciated in our relationship: How I get inspired when he talks about his goals; How he dutifully listens to all my crazy plans and encourages me to follow through; how he can cheer me up regardless of what mood I am in; his generosity; the weird sense of humour we share; his honest (even though it can often be blunt), and much more.
So when it came to making the speech I made sure I told him all of this, and it was quite an emotional affair. We usually spend our time thinking of new ways to make fun of each other, but there I was delivering a list of his best qualities and with a lump in my throat! And the best part was his reaction. He was obviously moved by what I had said and I got a sense that our friendship had just become a little richer as a result.
One of the deepest human desires is to feel appreciated, and the nicest way to receive this kind of validation is by hearing it from someone else. It’s one thing to think of yourself as being a good friend, but it is when others pay tribute to you that it really touches your soul.
Think about your own relationships. What is it that you really value about those closest to you? Ask yourself, do they know exactly how you feel or have you been making an assumption that they do? You can immediately strengthen the bond in any relationship simply by telling that person that you are thankful for them being in your life and then listing the reasons why. This is such a simple thing to do but sadly not practiced nearly enough.
I have now made a promise to myself that I will reaffirm my gratitude to my friends and loved ones on a regular basis. If you want to do the same but have trouble knowing what to say, consider what you would want to tell them if you knew this was the last time you’d ever see them again. How have they influenced you as a person? What are their top three qualities? What would your life be like today if you never knew them?
A nice little payoff for getting in the habit of do this is that you are likely to get some positive feedback too! Obviously it should not be you intention to fish for compliments but it’s always good to know where you’re doing a good job, isn’t it? I know that when friends and family tell me what they love about me it encourages me to more of it and I get to feel great about myself for the difference I’m making to them. The key to a fulfilling life is to simply feel good, there is nothing more complicated to it, so why not help yourself by making others feel appreciated? Win Win!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
MAKE YOUR LIFE COUNT
"When you were born you cried while the world rejoyced. Live your life so that when you die the world cries while you rejoyce."
To me this means if you live your life in accordance with your deepest values and principles you will inevitably make a positive difference to others and leave a legacy that lives on long after you've gone.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
SOPHISTICATION
Most people are just trying to get through the day. Sophisticated people learn how to get from the day.
Sophistication is understanding the difference between trinkets and treasures.
Don't spend major money on minor things. In the last ten years the guy has bought two tons of donuts and only two books – and the books are primarily filled with pictures.
Sophisticated people don't leave early. The man says, "Yeah, but I want to beat the traffic." Isn't that a great skill to have - beating the traffic!
It doesn't take a million dollars to learn the difference between a bottle of fine wine and a Pepsi. Sophistication is a study not an amount.
One of the early signs of sophistication is not giving way to all inclinations but rather sending your emotions to school so they will learn how to behave.
Money doesn't make you sophisticated. Only study and practice make you sophisticated. Even people of modest means can become sophisticated because it is within study and practice. How much is a night out at the symphony? About thirty dollars. You say, "Poor people can't afford thirty dollars to go to the symphony." Yes, they can. It's only thirty Hershey bars!
We must teach our children not to spend their money a dollar at a time. If you spend your money a dollar at a time, you´ll wind up with trinkets instead of treasures. You can´t buy much of value a dollar at a time.
Friday, September 12, 2008
GETTING MOTIVATED TO BE A HAPPY HEALTHY NON-SMOKER
The answer is simply having the right kind of motivation.
Now this may seem an obvious statement, but the key difference between those who stop smoking easily and those who fall at the first hurdle is the direction in which their minds are focused.
The fact is you can achieve just about anything in life, including becoming a non-smoker, provided there is enough leverage to drive your desire for change. Have you ever noticed how much easier it is overcome challenges when you are excited about the rewards of success?
Imagine that your motivation to quit cigarettes is like a set of balancing scales. On one side is your desire to carry on smoking (including the fears you associate with stopping) and on the other side are all the rewards and benefits of being a non-smoker. The focus of your mind adds weight to one side or the other and will determine which way the scales tip.
The problem that many people find when trying to stop smoking is they do not give themselves compelling enough reasons to tip the scales in favour of success. Of course on an intellectual level they know why they “should” stop, but their imagination is focused on how terrible it is to go without their fix, like running a mini disaster movie in their mind. As soon as there is a feeling of uneasiness, their automatic motivation is to feel better as quickly as possible, and this often results in lighting up.
People who successfully become non-smokers do so by knowing exactly how they want to benefit from quitting. They vividly imagine how great their lives will be without cigarettes. They immerse their senses in how wonderful it will feel to break the habit. They see themselves living a better life as a non-smoker and really associate into the positive sensations. Quite literally the motivation to be a non-smoker out-weighs the temptation to remain the same, even when in challenging situations.
So here is a powerful exercise for you to experience that focuses you on wanting to become a healthy, happy non-smoker. If you give this process your full attention you may well find that are motivated to stop smoking as soon as possible
CHOOSING YOUR FUTURE
It is best to read through these instructions once before carrying out each step. This exercise requires you to use your full imagination and it’s usually helpful to close your eyes, so please ensure you are in a situation where it’s safe and appropriate to do so.
1> In your mind imagine that in front of you there are two paths laid parallel to each other, stretching off into the distance, each representing alternative futures. The path on your left depicts the rest of your life should you choose NOT to quit smoking. The path on your right represents the positive ways your life improves by committing to stop smoking now.
2> Imagine taking a step forward onto the left path and arriving one month into the future (if you have the space you could even take a physical step forward). See yourself in a typical situation in a month’s time knowing that you have continued to smoke in the usual way. If you are imagining looking AT yourself, like a third party observer, mentally step into your body so you see though your own eyes. Notice everything about the situation. See what you see and hear what you hear, and as you think about the fact that you are still smoking notice exactly how you feel inside. At this stage the emotional effects might be quite small but you’ll probably start to feel disappointment that you have not quit. Really let yourself experience the event like it is actually happening now.
As the reality of the situation begins to grow, notice that beside you is a pile of cigarette butts, one for every time you smoked over the last four weeks. Really imagine what that looks like. How does it smell? How do you feel to realise that the harmful poisons and tar from each one of those cigarettes is there right inside you? Stay with this for a while before moving onto the next step.
3> Now imagine taking another step along the path, this time arriving six months into the future. Your body has had to endure another half year of harm and attack from tobacco smoke. Again, notice everything you can about where you are and what you are doing. Now vividly think about how yet another six months of smoking as impacted your life. How has your health changed? What has smoking prevented you from doing? How does it affect your relationships? Imagine a stack of all the money you have wasted on cigarettes, over there, beyond your reach (what could you have done with that?). Now look down at that pile of cigarettes butts and notice how much it has grown. Sense how the smell has increased and gets into your nose and throat. Spend a few moments really associating with what another six months of smoking has changed for you.
4> Now, taking another step, find yourself one year in the future. Still seeing through your own eyes and hearing what you hear, take in every detail you notice about the situation you are in. Experience it like it’s happening now. How are you feeling about still smoking one year on? How is your health impacted now? Think about the effects on you relationships. What you are not able to do because of smoking? That pile of wasted money over there has doubled and so has the mountain of cigarette butts which is now covering your feet and climbing up your legs. How disgusting does that look to you? Feel the pungent smell in you nose and throat and know that your body has felt the effects of every single one of those cigarettes you have smoked. Linger on this sensation of while before moving on.
5> It’s time to really turn things up. Take another step along the path to arrive five years into the future. It might feel uncomfortable but it’s important that you immerse yourself in situation as fully as you can. What has five years of continuing to smoke done to your life? What are the impacts on you health now? How does it feel to be in a social minority, now that there are so few places you are allowed to smoke? What has smoking taken away from you? Feel every sensation as intensely as possible. Look at all of that money over there - hundreds, maybe even thousands in crisp notes – and imagine someone setting fire to the whole lot, just leaving you with that immense mountain of filthy cigarette butts, completely surrounding you. How does it smell now? How has your body suffered through smoking all of those cigarettes?
If you can stand it why not take a few more steps further into this future - 10, 20, 30 years - even go right to the end of the path and get a real sense of the damage smoking will do to many aspects of your life.
6> When you're done, come back in time to the present day and consider whether or not you want your real future to resemble what you have just experienced.
7> Now for the good part!! With your full imagination take a step forward onto the right path and go one month into the future from today. Use your mind to vividly represent a realistic situation of what it would be like to have been a non-smoker for a whole four weeks, seeing everything through your own eyes. What are the most immediate positive changes you notice straight away. Maybe there is a strong sense of pride or even relief that finally you've done it. Maybe you notice you're already breathing a lot better, or your skin looks healthier. Imagine people congratulating you on doing so well. Notice every good detail let the wonderful feelings spread throughout your body. At this point squeeze the thumb and forefinger of one hand together (this will begin to set a powerful unconscious association between the physical sensation in your fingers and your positive emotional state).
8> Take another step and move to the six month mark. You've been a non-smoker for half a year! What have you been able to achieve as a non-smoker that you could not do before? Notice how much healthier you look and feel. Maybe you're appreciating your heightened sense of taste and smell. Connect with you're new found vitality and be aware of how calmly and confidently you behave in situations where you used to be distracted by the need for cigarettes. How are you standing (or sitting)? Let yourself feel an amazing sense of accomplishment and healthiness. And, of course, don't forget to keep your eye on that growing pile of cash that has been generated by your decision to be a non-smoker. Take those great feelings inside of you and turn them up as much as you possibly can, then squeeze your thumb as forefinger together once more.
9> Now take step a into your one year anniversary. Really associate into how great it feels to have been free from nicotine for a whole twelve months. In what fantastic ways have your life improved by being a non-smoker for this long? Maybe you are doing something to celebrate your achievement. How are you enjoying your increased health and aliveness? Who else in your life is proud of you for doing such a good thing? That pile of money just there has doubled. What do you want to use it for? Let yourself experience anything else that comes to mind and take some time to really let the positive feelings grow within you, then press that thumb and forefinger together once more.
10> Now let your creative imagination take you another step further – five years in to the future. What have you been able to achieve in your life that could not have been achieved as a person chained to nicotine? The thought of cigarettes are probably now just a dim and distant memory. Let yourself fully experience how pleased and delighted you are about being one of the world’s happy non-smokers; fit and healthy and totally in control of your thoughts and actions. What would that pile of money look like now? Allow your imagination to make this situation as desirable and compelling as possible. Maybe you can glance to your left and see that other version of you on the left hand path still struggling and suffering at the mercy of tobacco and nicotine. Let this fuel the positive feelings inside of you now and turn them up as much as you can. Now squeeze that thumb and forefinger together again.
You can go even further into the future if you want to, but when you’re ready open your eyes and come back to the present moment.
If you have allowed yourself to do this exercise with your full and positive participation you should now be noticing a dramatic increase in your desire to be a non-smoker. This kind of motivation is what it takes to be ready to quit cigarettes with commitment and determination. You’ve now given your subconscious mind a clear goal to aim for by tipping the scales in favour of success. You have also set an “anchor” between the desire for being a non-smoker and the sensation of squeezing of your thumb and forefinger together. This means you can trigger these helpful feelings again and again to keep your focus where it needs to be at any time. Try it, it really works!!
Friday, May 2, 2008
WELCOME TO YOUR WORLD
But of course I’m not expecting you to go out there and change the world in a physical sense. I’m not even asking you persuade other to change their behaviours so they are more congruent with your own preferences. I’m certainly not going to suggest that you single handily tackle world peace or put an end to poverty. I am, though, going to be challenging you to take a deep and honest look at what the world means to you, personally; internally.
Have you ever heard of the expression “the map is not the territory”? It was first introduced by Alfred Korzybski, the polish born philosopher and scientist. His words perfectly illustrate the point I am making here.
If you were planning a road trip to somewhere you’d never been before the chances are you’d get some kind of map to work out your route. At no point during this process would you begin to confuse the map as being that actual roads, towns, countries you’d need to pass in order to reach your destination. That’s just absurd. I hope you agree with this, because if you don’t we’ve definitely got our work cut out! It is a blindingly obvious and unquestionable truth that the map of the territory that lay before you is just a representation of the land itself.
Likewise, when you read through a restaurant menu you use the words that describe the various dishes to help you select what you want to physically eat. How many times have you mistaken the menu for being the actual food itself? You have no idea how much I’m hoping you just answered “none” to that last question.
So what am I getting at? My point is we’re all reasonably intelligent human beings and we can tell the difference between actual things and other things that are only meant to represent those actual things. In other words we know what’s real and what’s not.
Or do we? Alfred Korzybski’s statement, “the map is not the territory”, is a metaphor to remind us that just because we think the world (or reality) is a certain way, that doesn’t mean its how the world actually is. Essentially what Mr K is saying is that we each have a unique internal map of the world that we use to navigate our way through life. But it’s just a map; not reality itself.
Most of the significant problems we face in life are directly related to the inaccuracies of our internal maps – the differences between what we perceive as reality and what is actually taking place in the physical word. I’d even go so far as to say that the extent to which we feel fear, anxiety, nervousness, pain, uncertainty (all those uncomfortable emotions that keep us from firing on all cylinders) are generated in exact proportion to the size of the mismatch between reality and our perceived representation of it.
Conversely, the more closely aligned our internal maps are to the ‘territory’ they are referencing, the happier we become. This is simply because we can see the truth of the situation more clearly in front of us. Only when we are presented with truth are we given the power to change, or at least influence, circumstances for the better.
Without truth we are power-less. We become victims of circumstance. Our internal map tells us we are at point A, when in actual fact we are point Z. We start reacting to false information because the map we are using is flawed; it doesn’t reflect the truth.
Sometimes the map is only slightly wrong. This is like buying the latest version of a city street map from the local bookstore, only to discover there’s a new one way system that opened yesterday. No big deal; we can adjust to a new route quite easily and remember it for our future travels.
But sometimes the map can be so wrong it’s like trying to get across Europe with the highway guide of the United States.
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Law of Circulation
Law of Circulation - Flow of Giving and ReceivingPosted by Enoch Tan - Share this article with friends!
The law of circulation states that all things in the universe is always flowing in circulation but at an ever expanding rate. What you give to one person, you will receive from a different source. So you don’t have to give with the expectation of receiving back from the same person you give to, but knowing that it will definitely come back to you multiplied from other sources. It works according to the law of cause and effect where the universe always mirrors back to you whatever you do.
It’s important to notice how you respond to compliments especially when they are sincere and valid. Do you downplay it, decline it or ignore it? Do you say something like “Oh it’s nothing.” The reason why you do not accept other people’s compliments about you is because you do not accept them about yourself. Learn to have complete self acceptance so that you can look others in the eye and say “Thank you.” The reason why it is important to accept compliments is that it allows the other person to give something to us.
Do not refuse anything good that is offered to you. If someone offers you a gift, take the gift and just say, “Thank You.” If you are in a restaurant and someone wants to pay the bill, don’t argue. Just say, “Thank you” and allow them to give to you. Give up your beliefs about accepting gifts from others. Forget about feeling vulnerable or owing them something. Don’t decline it because you do not want to be affected by the law of reciprocity.
If someone gives you something you don’t like or you don’t need, pass it on to someone else who can use it or enjoy it. As you do this, everyone gets to win. When you refuse a gift from anyone, you are not only blocking the flow of abundance in your life, but you are also blocking the flow of abundance in the giver’s life.
If you wanted to give a gift, wouldn’t you want someone to receive your gift? Remember, there can’t be a giver without a receiver. Whenever you accept a gift, know that you are helping yourself and the giver to complete the cycle of giving and receiving.
Of course you can decline a gift when it is given for the wrong purpose or the wrong motive. When you know that someone is giving you something for the purpose of enticing you to do something that is not to your best benefit, you have every right to decline the gift. True giving is always out of love. Love is the purest motive force and giving is the expression of love. When someone gives to you out of love, you can accept it.
You can still choose to accept a gift when the person is giving for the wrong reasons though. Any harm caused will only be to themselves but you will benefit. You should treat every gift you receive as a gift that you are receiving from the universe. It is ultimately the universe that gives to you no matter what channels it may give through. Even the wealth of the wicked shall be handed over to the righteous.
Positive circulation is when things increase as a result. Negative circulation is when things diminish as a result. What you hold on to will keep slipping away until there is nothing left. You can never escape the law of circulation. If you try to stop the circulation of things, it will still circulate but in a negative manner. It will be circulated through unexpected expenses such as paying for repairs and replacements of things that are damaged, stolen or lost. Look at areas in your life where you are prevented from keeping your money or being forced to spend it.
You proclaim that everything you have belongs to God when you give away a portion of it. The portion represents the whole. God accepts the portion as the whole. The portion that you give to God is blessed and therefore the remaining of all that you have is also blessed. As we circulate our money freely, more money flows into our lives.
We are all stewards of the universe resources. If you do not circulate what you have for the work of the universe, what you have will be taken away and given to another who is doing so. Don’t worry about people who are selfish and do not give. If you keep giving and being in flow, even what others hoard from you will somehow be made by the universe to be given to you. So you can rest in the truth that you will always have whatever you want and no one can hold it from you. You never have to withhold from giving others what they want just because they withhold from giving what you want.
Of course you shouldn’t anyhow give but give wisely. You should give to where your giving would do the most good so that it would flourish. You should give to someone or some place that contributes to your personal growth or happiness. Give to where you receive spiritual nourishment from. Give to people who inspire you, help you and love you. Give to where you receive the most joy. Give to where it makes you most happy to give. You should give most of all to where you are personally involved in.
Positive circulation increases the value of things because it is beneficial to both giver and receiver. Negative circulation decrease the value of things because it is detrimental to one or both parties. Positive circulation occurs when what is received is combined and transformed into something better and given away again. Negative circulation occurs when what is received cannot or isn’t used but is released in a state that is worse than before. An example is the money making scams of life.
It is better to give in smaller amounts but more frequently than to give in large amounts but less frequently. It is consistency of giving and not magnitude that has the effect. When you give frequently, you are in constant flow and there is no stagnation. When you give only large amounts now and then, you will be in stagnation during periods where you are not giving. Think about constant circulation to keep the water in a tank fresh and clear, compared to changing it completely only now and then.
Whenever you give something to others, you should also allow them to give something back to you if they desire to. If they have allowed you the favor of expressing abundance towards them, you show also allow them the favor of expressing abundance towards you. It is perfectly alright to set up an exchange of value by having others pay for what you have to offer. It is also a way of allow circulation to take place that will lead to the increase of your own wealth and the wealth of the world.
We can’t give that which we don’t have. It is a joyful thing to have so that we can share. When you help people by sacrificing yourself to be of service to others, you will feel resentful for it and end up paying a much higher price. That is because correct giving must be a circulation and not just an outflow. When you give, you need to receive something in return in order to enable yourself to continue to give more. Your can only give in proportion with your ability to receive. The best givers are the best receivers.
The key is to be abundant and happy with yourself. Then from that space you can reach out and help others. Otherwise instead of changing the world, we are just tilting the scale from one extreme to the other. Balance is found not when one is down and the other one is up, but when were are all at the same level where in our own personal way, we feel abundance, happy and fulfilled, that we are sharing our talents, resources, and gifts with one another.
Always give away whatever it is that you want. If you want love, give love. If you want money, give money. If you want knowledge, give knowledge. You will always have already been provided by the universe with a certain amount of what you want. You just want more of it. If you give out of the little that you have, much more will come back to you. If you want to have wealth, first show others how to have wealth. Whatever you want, if you cause another being to have it first, you will have it in abundance.
You are in vibrational resonance with abundance through your physical acts of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving are the two polarities of the same frequency spectrum of abundance. That is why people who have the most are the ones that give and receive the most. God gives us his all to receive back our all.